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CIO: To do it or not!

Posted by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 11:48 PM
  • 15 Replies

Today I think my son had his first minor tantrum. I was considering letting him cry it out, but deep in my heart, I just couldn't do it and I surrendered and picked him up. He's ten months now and I wanted to know when you other mother started using the CIO method. 

My mom says that what I did was normal for first time mothers. But she says since she knows me very well and knows I plan on having more kids, I may want to consider it.

Opinions?

*Im a formula feeding, breastfeeding failed, playtex drop-in using, picture taking, parent choice products using, Baby-Gaga hating, proudly from a wealthy family, young, college student life loving, not ready to be married, living with boyfriened, fashion loving, shopping 'til I drop, Jeremiah adoring, kind of mom.*

by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 11:48 PM
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Replies (1-10):
s.calahan
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 11:53 PM

I used CIO, both for sleeping and behavior things like temper tantrums. My kids didn't suffer horrible mental and emotional repercussions... lol. Actually, after the first time or two they hardly bothered throwing a fit except on rare occasion. They slept through the night, they don't melt down in the grocery store, they don't pout when someone asks them to do or not do something... It worked for me.  I'd say that if you choose to use this method to teach your child that you are in fact "the boss", start now. The later you start the harder it is. Good Luck mama.

Amber7277
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 11:53 PM

I would have picked him up put him in his room and told him he could come out when he was done. I have four kids and I started this when they started throwing themselfs, and let me tell you they do not act out at all now. They are ages 10, 8, 6, and 4. Good luck.

Randi02
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 11:54 PM

You couldn't do it because it goes against your maternal instincts.

We're supposed to respond to the cries of our children. He's only 10 months old! Tantrums are normal at that age, they have very limited communication skills and are just starting to explore and test limits. Why did he have a tantrum?

I have never left my kids to cry. At that age we used redirection, as they got older we started with 123 Magic. They know my limits, and that there are consequences for pushing them.

I am a Canadian,breastfeeding (it IS best, there is nothing even close to that nutrition and bond), co sleeping, extended rear facing (if you don't rear face to the maximum of your seat, you're NOT doing all you can to protect your child), baby wearing, Non spanking (I want my kids to respect me, not fear me) ANTI- CIO, homemade baby food making, cloth diapering, organic (chemical free household!) recycling mama to TWO and one on the way! My husband is my equal and best friend, not my master and I believe basic health care should be a human RIGHT, not a privilege.

Umm__Rashid
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 11:56 PM

cant leave lill monster to cry he's persistant and could go on forever....I dont always pick him up sometimes I'll try and distract him I'm a first time mom too so I'm pretty clueless

V.Dubbya
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 11:56 PM

I let my DD's start crying it out when it became obvious their crying was only a bid for more attention. "I want that ____." + "Not right now" = all out tantrum. This was about 18mths for both DD's. We have two rules, you're welcome to pitch a fit all you want, but you'll do it in your room (you walk there or I put you).  And you can whine all you want as long as you remember that it nets you nothing.

Connie04
by Silver Member on Jun. 27, 2010 at 11:58 PM

IMO, when they are very small like that (10 mths)  CIO is not a good idea.  They need reassurance that you are still there and everthing is OK.  You can still tell him "No', but with cuddles so he knows you haven't abandoned him.  Once a child is older and understands that he can't always get what he wants, and has a tantrum because of that,  I think it's OK to ignore his behaviour as long as he's safe.  If you ignore him, then he's not getting the reaction he wants and he'll eventually stop.  Once he's stopped crying, then a cuddle and a talk will help him to understand that everything's OK between the two of you.

YourMyTrouble
by on Jun. 28, 2010 at 12:02 AM
This.

Quoting Randi02:

You couldn't do it because it goes against your maternal instincts.

We're supposed to respond to the cries of our children. He's only 10 months old! Tantrums are normal at that age, they have very limited communication skills and are just starting to explore and test limits. Why did he have a tantrum?

I have never left my kids to cry. At that age we used redirection, as they got older we started with 123 Magic. They know my limits, and that there are consequences for pushing them.

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erinsmom1964
by Bronze Member on Jun. 28, 2010 at 12:02 AM

 I raised three boys as a single mother and never used CIO and never had those issues.  My sons who are adults now never threw fits in grocery stores because they knew I would leave.  They never asked for things at check out, didn;t have melt downs or any of that.  They now at 25, 21, and 20 will tell you I am the boss and they are all alot bigger than me.  IMO you don't need to do that to gain your childs respect. 

 Your siggy shows your child still drinks formula so I would say too young to do that.  There are numerous studies that show the damamge that CIO does to young children.  Alot of times Moms will say nothing is wrong with my kid but you can't really know what they would of been.  These studies have been conducted by Harvard, Yale, Berkly, childrens hospitals that show the amount of cortisol released into the brain of small children left to CIO and the actual damamge

 

You feed them, bathe them, read them books and sing them lullabies. But for so many parents, this tender bedtime ritual is only the preamble to a nightly psychodrama.

2.08.08 Some doctors warn against letting babies 'cry it out' at night.

There will be tears. And screams. Coercion and attrition, bribing and begging, self-doubt and exhaustion.

At the Byrne household in Hoboken , N.J., 5-month-old Brady Byrne puts his parents through a sleep-deprivation test that would be considered cruel and unusual by most governments.

"We need a good system, but we're so tired, and he gets so upset," says mom Elizabeth Byrne. The Byrnes also have a 2½-year-old son, Reilly.

And in Chicago , Rachel Gross tries to wear out her three boys, 7-year-old Gabriel, 4½-year-old Jonah, and 28-month-old Josh, with a late game of basketball when her husband, Devon, is away on business.

"You can never get used to hearing your kids cry," Gross says. "It's never easy. [Jonah] has more stamina, and cries longer -- it's force of will."

Ever since society finally admitted that most babies don't drift off to dreamland without a whimper, the "bedtime industrial complex" has steadily expanded to include swaddling blankets, white noise machines, sleep labs and shelves of books with titles like "The Happiest Baby on the Block," "The Baby Whisperer" and "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems."

 

The Ferber Method

It's that last one that started it all, written in the mid-80s with Dr. Richard Ferber. His method was known as "ferberizing" and became synonymous with tough love: letting babies "cry it out" and self-soothe. Over the years, many conflicted parents, like the Byrnes and Grosses, have paced outside the nursery, watching the second hand while their little one "cried it out" alone for set time intervals.

Ferber says that "ferberizing" is actually "a great misunderstanding of what we try to do."

"I don't think I've ever recommended a 'cry it out' method," he says. "Crying is not a very happy thing. We don't want to see children crying, we don't want to see babies crying."

Ferber says his crying time chart was meant to be a last-ditch method to break specific and severe bad sleep habits. An updated edition of his book shortens the intervals of crying from five minutes to three.

"For a night or two there may be a little extra crying and then that settles, but then the crying that was present every night is gone," Ferber says. "It's a good idea for your child to fall asleep under the same circumstances that will be there when they have a normal waking in the middle of the night."

But even with his clarifications, Ferber is still demonized by those who believe strongly in so-called "attachment parenting," which includes breast-feeding on demand, co-sleeping and attentive soothing at the first whimper of distress.

 

The Family Bed

Harvard researchers Michael Commons and Patrice Miller say that when children are left to cry for long intervals, their little brains are flooded with a harmful hormone called cortisol.

"There's nothing wrong with having them cry it out if you want to risk brain damage," Collins says.

They say that over time, cortisol increases the risk of severe attachment disorders ... and worse.

"Hitler was a borderline personality. And so was Saddam Hussein," says Collins. "It didn't take a whole lot of Saddam Husseins and Hitlers to make our lives miserable."

Miller wouldn't go quite that far. "Well, but I don't think that you want parents to believe that they're rearing little Adolf Hitlers," she says. "That's still a relatively rare event."

"But you're putting yourself at risk for that," Commons says.

Commons bases much of his theory on Romanian orphans and lab animals, creating much scientific controversy. But his suggested remedy has been used for thousands of years in most of the world: the family bed. In America, the practice was long seen as dangerous or indulgent, but renowned pediatrician T. Barry Brazelton says he is noticing a shift in mind-set.

"I started going to dinner parties and asking people, "Well, how many of you co-sleep?" And, nobody, of course, would answer," Brazelton says. "And I said, "Come on, how many of you are really co-sleeping?" Half their hands went up. You know, I think a lot of people are co-sleeping and just don't talk about it."

 

mysteriousdaze
by on Jun. 28, 2010 at 12:03 AM

I do CIO with my 23 month old DS, we started at around 9 months with him when someone we have now coined wereb***h got him used to being rocked to sleep when he went to sleep on his own like a charm before her. We will use it with DD too. We use it for sleep and for behavior problems. Every once in awhile, we will let DD (3 months) cry for 5 minutes or so when we know she is simply stressed out and nothing else calms her. When we pick her back up, she calms down instantly when she wouldn't before.

SweetDreamsBaby
by on Jun. 28, 2010 at 12:03 AM

Well since he can walk, kind of(about 10 steps, then fallls, lol) he climbed out of his stroller(I was about to take him for a walk) and crawled over to me and started screaming! Remember I new to this, so I don't really know if it was a tanturm. But he had already been fed, changed and cleaned up. I had NO CLUE why he was crying. Honestly.

Quoting Randi02:

You couldn't do it because it goes against your maternal instincts.

We're supposed to respond to the cries of our children. He's only 10 months old! Tantrums are normal at that age, they have very limited communication skills and are just starting to explore and test limits. Why did he have a tantrum?

I have never left my kids to cry. At that age we used redirection, as they got older we started with 123 Magic. They know my limits, and that there are consequences for pushing them.


*Im a formula feeding, breastfeeding failed, playtex drop-in using, picture taking, parent choice products using, Baby-Gaga hating, proudly from a wealthy family, young, college student life loving, not ready to be married, living with boyfriened, fashion loving, shopping 'til I drop, Jeremiah adoring, kind of mom.*

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