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We have had sex 4 times in 8 years... help!!

Posted by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 11:22 AM
  • 8 Replies

My husband lost his job in 2002 he thought he would retire from. He was 40 at the time.  He changed he when from being positive, loving and romantic. To uptight, tired all the time, negative and very unromantic.  Things have been on a down hillside ever since.  He got a new job less than 3 months after losing the one 8 years ago, and has been at it eversince. It has been money wise at times a better job. They do have layoffs that of course make him moody. We go years without making love. He clams it isn't me. I was a plus size when we married I did gain weight after the birth of my son. I have in the last year lost 50 pounds. I quit my job to be home with our special needs child. We were paying more than I made to have someone help with him so I could work. We live in a rural area and when you add the 50 plus miles to get to a job, it is hard to find something at my age and knowledge that pays enough.  He seemed happy we were saving money. My child has gone from poor grades to the honor roll just in the 2 years I have been home. I feel lonely all the time now and feel I just need to move on.  I do go to a painting class once a month and I have online friends and family. But it doesn't help the need to be touched and loved,  What would you do???

by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 11:22 AM
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Replies (1-8):
robe739
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 11:26 AM

Hmmm....  It sounds to me like there is A LOT going on here.  STRESS sounds like the biggest problem.  Loss of work, Lay-offs, Special needs child, Weight gain & loss......  The list goes on here!  I hear that middle aged men who are stressed OFTEN will have "arousal" issues.  Maybe he's imberessed to discuss this with you!  This would be my guess!  I don't think it has anything to do with you at all!  Middle age + stress = ISSUES!  Good luck mama!  I sure hope that things get better for you soon!  *HUGS!*

CoeyG
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 11:44 AM

 I would send him to the doctor, sounds as if he has a case of depression or it could be something physically wrong.  It could also be that he has a very low libido. 

bamababe1975
by Silver Member on Jul. 12, 2010 at 2:23 PM

Get him to go to the dr. There are a variety of health issues that can cause a loss of libido, including depression. Let him know, without accusing him of anything, that you just miss the intimacy you once shared, and that you're concerned about him. He may not realize how infrequently you have sex, or that it bothers you so much.

kagegirl
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 3:59 PM

He could be impotent or have ED. See if  you can accompany him to his next DR. appointment and help him bring it up

Wittyprncess
by on Jul. 13, 2010 at 10:03 AM

Wow, Thanks Mom's! Lot's of things I didn't know and Hadn't thought of. 

danie24
by on Jul. 13, 2010 at 10:06 AM

 4 times in 8 years?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

 Um.. if it were me.. and he truly wasn't willing to try to fix whatever is wrong.. I would leave. But I wouldn't have waited 8 years..

danie24
by on Jul. 13, 2010 at 10:07 AM

Or.. just tell him you need romance and affection and orgasms.. and if HE isn't going to give those to you or at least be willing to go to some marriage counselling and work on the problems.. then you will be getting those things elsewhere.

p88hbear
by on Jul. 13, 2010 at 10:32 AM

Insensitive much, Danie... sheesh.

OP - It sounds to me like he is having issues with stress and anxiety.  I agree with the previous posters about taking him to a doctor.  Talk to him prior though about your concerns.  Make it all about you and your concerns, not about what he is or isn't doing.. that will make him defensive and put up walls to communications.

Good luck and I hope you get some answers soon.

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