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(Updated after 2 years) My 14 year old daughter is a cutter

Posted by on Dec. 4, 2010 at 4:43 AM
  • 62 Replies

Just found this out a few days ago, still trying to come to terms with it.  Took her out of school today to take her to town and get her an appointment for counseling and to spend some time with her... she's been going through some stuff and I've noticed cuts, but she's athletic and roughhouses with her guy friends (tomboy all the way), so she told me they were from that... until I noticed they were only ever on one arm and one leg, the one she can get to with her right hand since she's right handed.

I finally confronted her just telling her "I know you did that to yourself, honey, you need to just be honest with me," and it all came out.

I'm literally sick with worry... I know that eventually she'll be OK,  with help; she's a strong girl and a good girl and a smart girl, but until she is I'm terrified that she's going to continue to fool around with cutting and do some real damage - and we live 45 miles away from a real hospital. 

I'm quitting my job so I can be home with her more.  Gave my 2 weeks and told them I can do weekends until they find someone to replace me since my husband is home weekends, but after that I'm back to being a SAHM.  Financially this sucks, but my boss understands that family comes first and I'm welcome back any time when this gets better.

I just don't understand why she's feeling so awful that she cuts... she's got a good life, so much better than what I had, and she's got great parents if I do say so myself - she assures me it's not about home, but didn't get too much into details except that a lot has to do with her friends and the stress they're putting her under.  I know she's been dealing with some crap with them, but I didn't know it was getting to her that badly - and we used to be so close until I started working and now I'm just not around for her to talk to as much... so I'm grateful that that could be solved quickly at least.

I hope she opens up to this counselor... she was totally ok with going to one, it's not like I had to force her, so that's a plus.

I honestly never thought one of my babies would end up going through this.  It does prove that it can happen to anyone, even kids in good homes with loving parents and no abuse.  I don't envy teens these days - seems like what they go through is a thousand times worse than what my generation did, and that was HARD back then.

I'm trying to cope... trying to help her cope... it's hard to watch your child deal with this and feel so helpless.   It's not like I can put a band-aid on this one or fix it with a kiss.  And that's so frustrating.



by on Dec. 4, 2010 at 4:43 AM
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Replies (1-10):
ProudMom093083
by on Dec. 4, 2010 at 4:47 AM

You're doing everything you can for your daughter and that is what she needs.  She will get help with the counseling, it might help to find a counselor/social worker/psychologist that specializes in adolescent psychology.  Cutters usually have lots of reasons why they are doing it. 

I also think it's totally great that you are planning to stay home more and spend more time with her.  It's exactly what she needs.

Just hang in there, know that you are not alone, and keep being the good mom you are.

 

Emily and Dwane 9-22-07   Miles 11-19-08


The Kind of Mother I Am


Formula-feeding, disposable-diapering, babyproofing, pro-epidural, SIDS-awareness-promoting, non-co-sleeping, vaccinating stay at home mom!


I love my husband.  I love my son.  They are the greatest blessings in my life.




 




 




 




 




 




 




 




 

sagi6666
by on Dec. 4, 2010 at 4:54 AM

 My older daughter was a cutter too...I asked her why she would inflict such pain on herself...Her reply was, to hide the pain from within...Most cutters say the same thing when asked that question...It is tough trying to get the teen to quit such self inflictions, 9 out 10 also tend to think or talk about suicide as well...Keep a close eye on her and i hope she'll come back around sooner rather than later...Good Luck to you and your daughter...

mamapaparazzi
by on Dec. 4, 2010 at 4:55 AM

Thank you, I appreciate the support.  I keep going over and over in my head about what I could have done to keep this from happening, but I can't come up with anything... except that I wasn't home to see what was going on.  She is so believable, too, that I trusted her until it just started to be too coincidental.  She never even tried to hide them, you  know?  I just don't understand....

Quoting ProudMom093083:

You're doing everything you can for your daughter and that is what she needs.  She will get help with the counseling, it might help to find a counselor/social worker/psychologist that specializes in adolescent psychology.  Cutters usually have lots of reasons why they are doing it. 

I also think it's totally great that you are planning to stay home more and spend more time with her.  It's exactly what she needs.

Just hang in there, know that you are not alone, and keep being the good mom you are.




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mamapaparazzi
by on Dec. 4, 2010 at 4:57 AM

Thanks, sagi.

We talked about suicide, she and I... she told me she definitely didn't want to die, which was a relief... and the way she said it was convincing, not at all like "fool Mom!"... and with her being willing to go to counseling I believe she's not suicidal.  Today she was practically perky, which she hasn't been in awhile.  Maybe opening this door, she's seeing a light at the end of her personal sadness tunnel?  I hope so.

Quoting sagi6666:

 My older daughter was a cutter too...I asked her why she would inflict such pain on herself...Her reply was, to hide the pain from within...Most cutters say the same thing when asked that question...It is tough trying to get the teen to quit such self inflictions, 9 out 10 also tend to think or talk about suicide as well...Keep a close eye on her and i hope she'll come back around sooner rather than later...Good Luck to you and your daughter...



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hecallsmeangel
by on Dec. 4, 2010 at 6:51 AM

I am an excutter if you have any questions I will be happy to talk to you. Hugs darlin you are doing the best job anyone in this situation could do. You and your daughter are in my thoughts and prayers

mamapaparazzi
by on Dec. 4, 2010 at 6:59 AM

Thank you so much, I appreciate it!

Quoting hecallsmeangel:

I am an excutter if you have any questions I will be happy to talk to you. Hugs darlin you are doing the best job anyone in this situation could do. You and your daughter are in my thoughts and prayers



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my4boys2002
by Bronze Member on Dec. 4, 2010 at 7:34 AM
My 13 yr old is also a cutter your doing everything you can I understand what your going through. It's tough but therapy should help.
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mamapaparazzi
by on Dec. 4, 2010 at 7:36 AM

I hope it does.  She's a great kid, doesn't deserve to hurt so much.

Quoting my4boys2002:

My 13 yr old is also a cutter your doing everything you can I understand what your going through. It's tough but therapy should help.


mommy_2_be_2010
by Bronze Member on Dec. 4, 2010 at 7:46 AM
I had a friend my freshman year of highschool who was a cutter she showed me her arms and told me if i ever needed counseling to talk to this lady and gave me a card...... I wasn't a cutter but fed up w/being picked on starred at abused tormented and tortured by people at school and my older brother didn't make things better here at home he used to beat me up whenever he got mad at me and call me name. Up until recently after i got pregnant and had my daughter in january we fought constantly he has since stopped i think he realizes iam human like him now
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mamapaparazzi
by on Dec. 4, 2010 at 7:48 AM

I'm sorry, that must have been awful for you - I'm glad things are better now!

Quoting mommy_2_be_2010:

I had a friend my freshman year of highschool who was a cutter she showed me her arms and told me if i ever needed counseling to talk to this lady and gave me a card...... I wasn't a cutter but fed up w/being picked on starred at abused tormented and tortured by people at school and my older brother didn't make things better here at home he used to beat me up whenever he got mad at me and call me name. Up until recently after i got pregnant and had my daughter in january we fought constantly he has since stopped i think he realizes iam human like him now



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