Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Dear Mom, I dont care what happens to you anymore. You died a long time ago in my eyes.

Posted by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 2:12 AM
  • 27 Replies

For years now I have been here for you... well the acoholic shell that remains of what you once were. You ruined my childhood. You will never understand how much pain you have put me though. I never understood a mothers love until I, myself became a mom. And  the fact that you were wasted at the birth of your grand-daughter is so shameful. I pitty you.

Your "ESCAPE" to mexico, your DUI's, your calls to 911, your dillusions, your lies.. youre pathetic. I know you will never be sober because you cant even admit there is a problem. The fact that you are still alive is beyond me. Im sorry that you are going to miss out on your new granchild, and the youth of Ella. I wash my hands. I cannot chase you around anymore.

I refuse to let you control my emotions. You have ruined so much of my life, and I will no longer give you that power. I want nothing to do with you... I am able to say this because I have wasted YEARS of my life trying to get you to go to programs and rehabs. I have exhausted myself trying to convince you that you do have a reason to live. I have tried EVERYTHING in my power to help you, and it will NEVER WORK. Im tired of getting calls fromt the CHP, Police Department, Apartment mangaers, and Hotels. You have no more power over my life. Im done.. DONE. This latest stint in the hospital and Drama with the cops and everything is the last straw. At this point you will never be the same... youre too far gone. SO goodbye..

I can honestly say I dont even remember the last time I felt love from you. Maybe when I was 7? I wish things could have been different. You were so amazing when you were sober. I wish you had made choices to get help. I wish you would have put us first. Its too late for that... and there is no going back.

Goodbye.

by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 2:12 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
mom2ellasophia
by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 2:14 AM

That felt so good. so much closure. whew.

MrsM121
by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 2:17 AM

 ((((( hugs )))))) I wrote the same letter, different words to my father nearly 13 years ago.  Terrifying to do but so liberating once it's done!

mom2ellasophia
by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 2:21 AM

writing it is one thing, then reading it back is another. Ive been wanting to write it somewhere, but I felt so vulnerable. Here is a place I can write it and feel safe and comforted and (hopefully) not judged. Im sorry you had to go through it. Its so hard... but Im proud of where I am emotionally, It took me years to cope and I can honestly say Im stronger and happier then ever.

MrsM121
by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 2:34 AM

 

Quoting mom2ellasophia:

writing it is one thing, then reading it back is another. Ive been wanting to write it somewhere, but I felt so vulnerable. Here is a place I can write it and feel safe and comforted and (hopefully) not judged. Im sorry you had to go through it. Its so hard... but Im proud of where I am emotionally, It took me years to cope and I can honestly say Im stronger and happier then ever.

It does take a long time.  I think because part of us (people who grow up as children of serious alcoholics) always keep a part of our child side, that hurt, scared part of us never really goes away.  It takes a lot for us to push past it and move on. 

AllAboutYou1223
by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 2:39 AM

 An addict can be analyzed, counseled, reasoned with, prayed over, threatened, beaten, or locked up, but they will not stop until they want to stop.

Have you tried going to al-anon to deal with your feelings??

always remember that you are powerless when it comes to your mother, as bad as you want to (for her own good) you can not control anything she does.

I wish you the best :)

Angelina052105
by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 2:42 AM

 Wow....I've been there..but I got to actually send mine to my mother since we haven't seen each other in over 8 years...Sometimes it's just better to let go...  It took me a long time to forgive her, but I did, but just because I have forgiven her doesn't mean she gets to come back into my life.  Good luck...Sounds like this was a step in the right direction..:)

mom2ellasophia
by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 2:43 AM

Oh yes, Al-anon was horrible. The stories people were telling were minute compared to what ive gone through and It just made me feel worse. Im in a good place now... no anger or resentment... Im just over it and im letting go. It feels good.

MrsM121
by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 2:44 AM

 

Quoting AllAboutYou1223:

 An addict can be analyzed, counseled, reasoned with, prayed over, threatened, beaten, or locked up, but they will not stop until they want to stop.

Have you tried going to al-anon to deal with your feelings??

always remember that you are powerless when it comes to your mother, as bad as you want to (for her own good) you can not control anything she does.

I wish you the best :)

I still have my al-anon book from when my aunt took me there one summer.

mom2ellasophia
by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 2:50 AM

Ive forgiven her because I know she is poweless over this disease, but at the same time I still feel like she should be accountable. I hate the fact that alcoholics get pardoned for thier horrible behavior. I cant be there for her and I dont hold everything against her, I just know there is NOTHING else to be done on my part. I Guess I can say I forgive her but that doesnt feel like the right word... its more like I accept what happened and I dont have anger twards her, just pitty. I wish she could have chosen a different path but that was all her decision. Im just glad she wont be consuming my thoughts or feelings anymore. These past 5 years have been a rollercoaster and im getting off the ride. She is no longer my problem.

Quoting Angelina052105:

 Wow....I've been there..but I got to actually send mine to my mother since we haven't seen each other in over 8 years...Sometimes it's just better to let go...  It took me a long time to forgive her, but I did, but just because I have forgiven her doesn't mean she gets to come back into my life.  Good luck...Sounds like this was a step in the right direction..:)


firebird78
by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 7:35 AM

You have all my sympathy...........(my mom and I had something like what you went through, as far as all the pain.) I know how much it must hurt you to have to say those things............although I know you are venting, I can tell just how much you do love her and how frustrating this has been for you seems to be tearing you up. (If I seem wrong about any of this, I apologize for not being correct. But please know that I feel a lot like this towards my own mother as well. And I am really sorry for what you are going through.) 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)