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*Spin off* Yes I DO put my marriage before my children!

Posted by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 12:36 PM
  • 9 Replies

In the end, it's all a matter of perspective. :) We all have a different point of view, as all of our situations are different. There is a huge difference between a good husband and a bad one... But I want to clarify...

I think people misconceptualize the concept of putting marriage or "the husband" first... there is more depth to it than just who gets served dinner first, or "taken care of" in general. I don't neglect my kids. I wouldn't allow anyone to hurt my kids. I will never be forced to choose my kids over my husband, but if he were selfish enough to ask I would choose my kids in a heartbeat... DH and I are a team, and I think that is in the best favor of our children, b/c they need stability.

Now mind you, I don't LOVE one MORE than the other. My love for God is different than my love for my husband and children... a mother's love for her children is a different kind of love than ANY other love, is it not? And the same goes for the love for DH... it's a different kind of love than that I have for God or my children.

But I put them in the above order for this reason: As a Christian family, God is our rock, our foundation. He comes first, b/c without a foundation the house cannot stand. DH is the head of our home, or you could even say our "walls", and without a strong marriage our home will crumble. If DH and I aren't happy, then our entire family will be miserable. And (as a Christian family) if we didn't have God's guidance we will not be happy. KWIM?

But I have said, and DH understands, that if the house were on fire and I had to choose between helping him get out or getting the kids, I would choose the kids... they are not big enough to help  themselves, and it is my job as their mother to protect them in any situation. The same goes for the "if your husband and children were held at gunpoint and you had to choose" senario...

In a good marriage, in the instance losing a husband or a child, one is not worse than the other, they are the same. To say that losing a child is worse than losing a spouse...the only real difference is that you have two people mourning the loss of a child that can be there to support each other instead of one person being left without emotional support and still having to raise a family alone. It would be just as emotionally traumatizing to lose my spouse as it would be to lose my child. In the end you can't REPLACE anyone. You can have more children. You can remarry... neither of which is REPLACING anyone. It's moving on with life the best one can.

And this is just what we believe, this is not for argumentative purposes... My beliefs are not the same as your beliefs.


"Religion divides people. Faith in something brings people together." Flight of the Phoenix

I am a breast & bottle feedingvaccinating, anti-cosleeping, CIO, extended rear facing & harnessing, conservative, christian, animal loving, pro-disicipline, pro-life, young & married after my son was born, loving & hardworking SUPER MOM! who loves my family more than anything on this earth!

by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 12:36 PM
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Replies (1-9):
by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 12:38 PM

wonderful post:) Thanks for sharing.

by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 12:39 PM


Quoting tatar:

wonderful post:) Thanks for sharing.

by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 12:42 PM
Wow i agree with you completely although i never understand when a woman puts her marriage before her children
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by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 12:45 PM

Yeah, that's pretty much how we see it. Our marriage is for keeps and we take it very seriously. It disturbs me the callous way so many talk about their husbands. I've lost children. All I can say about that is that, in general, the main difference between burying a child and burying other people in general is that when an adult dies, you can at least celebrate a life lived, the memories shared, the love had. With a child, all you have is the emptiness of what will now never be, and the extinguishing of dreams that will never be realized. It's not a competition when it comes to mourning and pain. Our mothers are both widows and that has been painful as well. It's been painful not having grandfathers for our children.  Strong families matter.

by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 12:47 PM

YEAH!!! Wonderful post hun

by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 12:51 PM

 I love my husband and my marriage. I also love my children and grandchildren. I have lost twins at birth and almost lost my husband 3 yrs ago Christmas Eve to a massive heart attack.

My DH and I are both equals in this marriage ad if I had to save my child over my DH I would save my child first. This has happen to my DH and I and we didn't think twice on who we would save. God Blessed us and we both lived but it is something I would do again.

by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 1:08 PM
I agree totally with Onefootcp on the way some woman talk about their husbands..imo, its no wonder why some marriages are a total mess. If you(general you) talk about your husband that way, how do you treat him??? I not only treat my dh with the utmost respect, I talk about him with the utmost respect!..and OP, Yes! God, Dh, kids...
by Bronze Member on Dec. 9, 2010 at 1:10 PM

Well said!

by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 2:46 PM


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