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What to do when your child is being abused by his older cousin?

Posted by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 9:57 AM
  • 42 Replies

My son just turn six this past December and since he was three he has always been abused by his older cousin.  His older cousin is now twelve.  As a mom I always stayed in the same room with my son in order to ensure he would not get hit by his cousin. I also missed all the adult fun going but atleast my son was not a human punching bag.   As time past my son got taller and I felt I did not have to hover as much around him and his cousin.  That is until this past New Year's! 

This past New Year's Eve his cousin choked him until he could not breathe in his bedroom.  My son came out crying from his cousins room relating he could not breathe and his throat hurts.  After I examed him, I directed him to tell his aunt, his cousins mother.  She heard him and did nothing about it.

Recently, we attended a birthday party at his cousin's house.  Prior to attending I informed my son under no circumstance go into his cousin's room without adult supervision and if his cousin attempts to hurt him that I want him to kick, push, yell and basically do what ever he can to defend himself.  I know it goes against the rule of turining the other cheek.  However, enough is enough!

We got to the party  no incidents....well not really...my son did innocently tell his aunt that if her son hits him that his mommy directed him to bite, hit, kick him back.  His aunt was shocked and told my son he is to never bite or basically defend himself against her son but instead tell her. 

I asked my son why did he tell her, I gotta love him, his response was she is his mommy and she is my aunt she needed to know.  Hay I agree and I stand by what I told my son.  What else was I to do.

She confronted me about what I told my son as my husband and I departed the party.  In the moment I gave her no response but on the way home I called my spouses sister and explained to her why I directed my son to defend himself and how my son told her about the choking incident which she does not remember. 

Again what do you do when your son's becomes his cousin's human punching bag? 

by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 9:57 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Zanny
by Bronze Member on Feb. 9, 2011 at 10:04 AM

Explain to your in laws what has been going on, and tell them if it happens again, there will be consequences.  what those are, ... that is for you to decide

stand up for your kid, 

danie24
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 10:26 AM

 Why in the world are you allowing them to play together at all?

Even with your supervision your son shouldn't have to play with someone who abuses him when you're not looking!

 After the FIRST time my child was bullied or abused by this child they wouldn't play together again.

Your son is YOUR responsibility. Don't expect the cousin's mother do fix this problem. YOU need to keep your son safe and away from this child.

 Just tell the cousin's mother that you will no longer allow your son to be bullied and abused by their kid and will no longer take him to their home and he is no longer welcome in your home.

MandyP27
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 10:28 AM

Don't go near him! I don't care if he is family or not. You need to protect your son. He is getting bullied and it is not ok. I would be staying away and let his parents know exactly why.

EireLass
by Ruby Member on Feb. 9, 2011 at 11:26 AM

I would either stay away until the parents understood why we were no longer around, or I would do as you did, and instruct my child to kick his ass. But most likely I would have gone and taken action myself, putting the fear of ME in him. 

JordansMama2003
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 11:34 AM

Why haven't you already talked to your SIL about this? If there was a cousin always picking or hurting another cousin, then I would have intervened along time ago and brought the issue up with the family. IDK, my family is really tight so we would work out. This is hard for me to understand.

LyTe684
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 11:41 AM


Quoting Villamoma:

My son just turn six this past December and since he was three he has always been abused by his older cousin.  His older cousin is now twelve.  As a mom I always stayed in the same room with my son in order to ensure he would not get hit by his cousin. I also missed all the adult fun going but atleast my son was not a human punching bag.   As time past my son got taller and I felt I did not have to hover as much around him and his cousin.  That is until this past New Year's! 

This past New Year's Eve his cousin choked him until he could not breathe in his bedroom.  My son came out crying from his cousins room relating he could not breathe and his throat hurts.  After I examed him, I directed him to tell his aunt, his cousins mother.  She heard him and did nothing about it.

Recently, we attended a birthday party at his cousin's house.  Prior to attending I informed my son under no circumstance go into his cousin's room without adult supervision and if his cousin attempts to hurt him that I want him to kick, push, yell and basically do what ever he can to defend himself.  I know it goes against the rule of turining the other cheek.  However, enough is enough!

We got to the party  no incidents....well not really...my son did innocently tell his aunt that if her son hits him that his mommy directed him to bite, hit, kick him back.  His aunt was shocked and told my son he is to never bite or basically defend himself against her son but instead tell her. 

I asked my son why did he tell her, I gotta love him, his response was she is his mommy and she is my aunt she needed to know.  Hay I agree and I stand by what I told my son.  What else was I to do.

She confronted me about what I told my son as my husband and I departed the party.  In the moment I gave her no response but on the way home I called my spouses sister and explained to her why I directed my son to defend himself and how my son told her about the choking incident which she does not remember. 

Again what do you do when your son's becomes his cousin's human punching bag? 

Six years difference. I'd whoop his mothers ass because she KNOWS about it and isn't doing anything about it. But I wouldn't be around them anyway. I wouldn't want to have to be my sons body guard at all family functions.

Mrs.Murray27
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 11:43 AM

If it comes down to them not playing together anymore, since it's not playing anyway...then so be it. It's in your son's best interest not to. GL!

heatherann0221
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 7:33 PM

how about stop bringing your child around an abuser?

MixedCooke
by Bronze Member on Feb. 10, 2011 at 3:40 AM

BEAT THE COUSIN TO A BLOODY PULP!

steveiguana
by on Feb. 10, 2011 at 6:39 AM

I would keep away from family functions then when asked why I would inform them that my child's safety is too important to allow the situation to continue. I would host parties at my home and leave that cousin and his parents out when they call I would let them know that they were welcome to come without the child. I know that that would upset them however my child's safety is way more important than their being mad. Also I would let the parents know that if it happened again family or not I would call the police. Maybe that would scare them into getting help for the child who is being a bully.

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