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staying at home...feeling left out-

Posted by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 12:47 AM
  • 3 Replies

So! I'm a "stay at home mom". I have two WILD little boys 3 years and younger. I'm pregnant with our third little one- it's a 'surprise' and I'm in my last week of pregnancy.

Today I feel alone...bored...a little empty. I used to have so much spark. Sometimes now I struggle with depression, frustration, I get stuck in our house- and don't want to go out. Yet I'd give anything to just 'take off'.

I run out of ideas/things to do with my children. The drive isn't there. I used to walk a lot and journal- I'm an artist so I've tried to pick that up again but when discipline leads to frustration and anger(2 terrible two year olds)...all the positive momentum snowballs into a 'brownie bite' binge! or "I NEEED Coffee".

I then get irritable which sucks all the creative juices out of my veins. Last week I felt just fine. My husband's business was picking up- our family was making some progress, I was trying to enjoy the time I have with my two boys before the new baby...then...suddenly, it's all gone.

I'm sitting here at this computer screen...waiting. For a comment from facebook friends- an important email...a sale on my Etsy....nothing. My Husband sleeps- snoring slightly in the bed next to our desk...long hard day of golf with his Dad- a long awaited outing.

I have LONG awaited such an outing. I HAVE no such chance, no such friends...no such circumstances available to me. I linger on- in my home...watering, cleaning, changing, cooking, disciplining!

Of course there are joys to this! But about the times when things are boring...and still, when those things which normally fill your heart with worth seem to all fade and melt into each day passing by monotonously.

I start asking myself stupid questions like "why can't my skin look like a super-model's?"(because i don't drink enough water) or..."why can't i seem to keep from becoming pregnant within a year of giving birth?" (personal choice?) or "how come no one told me that my breasts would never be the same after my first child...?" (not that this would even deter me from having my sweet children).

siiiigh....I've turned this website group into a blog.

Our family has been struggling with unemployment for over a year. This does effect my mood. But where has my spring gone? where is my energy- the energy/drive for life- even if it's just the strange urge to climb onto my roof and sneak a few moments of awe from the universe.

Can! and then again- can't, understand it.

~Crissianna

by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 12:47 AM
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Replies (1-3):
MIA0223
by Michelle on Jun. 4, 2011 at 8:16 AM
Well. You are at the end of your pregnancy. Its understandable that you are low energy. I laid on the couch basically the last week. Lol. Make time for you! Lay the boys down, go sit on the porch with a glass of water, a book, etc. Just relax! And honestly, if you are this stressed with kids and finances, maybe re think the spacing of your next. Your body physically needs 2 years from the end of one pregnancy until the start of another. You are doing your body no favors having stair step kids. Not to mention the emotional toll its taking on you!
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ginabear1
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 8:22 AM
Bump
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LyTe684
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 10:05 AM
I totally agree.

*hugs* and good luck.


Quoting MIA0223:

Well. You are at the end of your pregnancy. Its understandable that you are low energy. I laid on the couch basically the last week. Lol. Make time for you! Lay the boys down, go sit on the porch with a glass of water, a book, etc. Just relax! And honestly, if you are this stressed with kids and finances, maybe re think the spacing of your next. Your body physically needs 2 years from the end of one pregnancy until the start of another. You are doing your body no favors having stair step kids. Not to mention the emotional toll its taking on you!
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