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My husband has lost his d$#$ mind! Soooo upset right now!!- SECOND EDIT!

Posted by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 10:19 AM
  • 200 Replies

  My husband and I just got married in late August. He's always kind of  had some insecurities because he's been cheated on and left by women in the past. His ex wife got pregnant by another man and left him after a year of marriage. There have been times when he says something that makes me feel like he doesn't really trust me, and I always tell him that I love him and he should trust me, and that I'd never ever do that to him.

   Well, he just called me from work. Actually, he called five times in a row, but I was in the bath. So, when I got out I called him, and he says that we have a problem but we'll discuss it when he gets home.  I asked him how we could have a problem. I haven't done anything wrong. He says there was somebody here at the house while he was gone yesterday. I said there was nobody here, unless they were here when I was running errands. He says he has proof. He says he has some kind of recording of me talking to someone.

 1. W.T.H.!? Is he leaving recording devices in our house while he's away?!

2. There was absolutely NOBODY BUT ME here until the kids got home.

 I do talk to myself when I'm alone, but he insists it's not me talking just to myself. I told him I am really upset and dissapointed that he can't trust me and that he is 100% wrong about this. I don't know how he can have 'proof' of something that's just not true. He says he's 'devestated and broken hearted- AGAIN!' But I did NOTHING wrong. I am so upset! I can't stop crying. I'm going to have to send the kids to my parents house before he gets home because they are going to be upset if we are arguing. I'm so scared that he's going to leave me now, with two kids and now one on the way. I don't know what to do.

Update: He came home and at first he was still all accusations. The first thing he said to me was, "So, your boyfriend's not here today?" I kept insisting he play this recording for me, and he at first said I didn't need to hear it, and that I would just destroy it. I told him again that this is pure fabrication and I need to hear what he thinks he heard. Apparently, there was 18 hours of recording, but one part in particular that he thought was proof.  I was switching over the laundry, and again, thinking out loud, like I always do, and talking to myself about how I wanted to wear this certain dress, but if it was in the washer and not the dryer I wasn't going to wait another hour to get dressed. Then I dropped one of the pieces of clothing on the floor, (the laundry room is where we keep the dog, so I'm not so confident of the cleanliness of the floor), so I said, "Dang, I dropped the stupid shirt on the tile.". Well, I didn't say that part very loud at all, so he thought he heard some guy say, "I can't believe your having his child.", then I said, "Well, oh well.", that part was kind of on a whispered sigh, so it was even harder to hear, and he thought it was me whispering, "You do that so well.". 

  I told him what was really being said, and while I stormed off, doing more chores, to burn of angry energy, he listened to it some more and finally came in there and admitted he was wrong. I said I didn't know how we could go on together in any case, because how can I be with someone who acts like that? He said he loves me and wants to work it out, that even if I had cheated on him he would still want to work it out. I said the ONLY way I can see it even possibly working is if we have counseling. He agreed to the counseling. Now he is taking a nap because he was on call and working all night last night. I am still upset about it, though. We will see how the counseling goes. He really has been wonderful before all this. I want to make it work if we can, but I'm worried now, because I know I can not stay with him if he's going to keep behaving like this.

 Edit #2: I made an appointment with a counselor. I feel really good about having done that. I'm kind of breathing a sigh of relief knowing we can start working on these issues. Although, I embarrassed myself on the phone. The counselor himself, (not a secretary) answered, and I opened my mouth, breathed my spit, and proceeded to cough loudly into the phone for 5 minutes before I could actually talk, LOL! Oh, well, at least the appointment is made.

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by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 10:19 AM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Susie on Sep. 14, 2011 at 10:22 AM

I wouldn't and couldn't be married to someone that didn't trust me.  No way.  That is no way to live.  He needs to shape up fast or I would leave.  This is just me. 

mostlymaydays
by Bronze Member on Sep. 14, 2011 at 10:27 AM
I had an ex-bf buy sone kind of radio transmitter at radio shack that you somehow connect to your phone and someone (he) could turn on whatever specific channel to listen to the phone conversations. Creepy, creepy, creepy. First he didn't trust me and after that I never trusted him. Even if your dh realizes he was mistaken, this will be difficult to recover from. Sorry!
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auroragold
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 10:29 AM

Honey

Hugs to you because that just sucks. And, as hard as it may be - do you REALLY want to spend your life looking over your shoulder?

Wondering what cameras and recording devices may be used on you?

Justifying your every move?  

Fearing reprisal for having friendships?

That's how you want to live your life?

That's what you want your children to see?

That's what you want them to know about relationships?

silvercrow
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 10:30 AM

I wouldn't have married him in the first place.. these "insecurities" were there before you got married.. He is stalkerish nuts sorry i would be so long gone by now..

mostlymaydays
by Bronze Member on Sep. 14, 2011 at 10:32 AM
I'm wondering if he's the kind of guy who is also checking the mileage of the car, demands to have joint email and passwords for all her online accounts. :-(


Quoting silvercrow:

I wouldn't have married him in the first place.. these "insecurities" were there before you got married.. He is stalkerish nuts sorry i would be so long gone by now..


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silvercrow
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 10:35 AM

I am not trying to be my normal bitchy self but she knew this going in.. i don't think that this is new i am sure he was acting like this before they were married.. my SO was cheated on and so have i and he knows better than to act that damn stupid.. if she want to live her life like this that its her choice but it to me is one of those you knew what you were getting into and you made your bed sleep in it.. He wont stop he will get worse.. she has those kids safety to think about

Quoting mostlymaydays:

I'm wondering if he's the kind of guy who is also checking the mileage of the car, demands to have joint email and passwords for all her online accounts. :-(


Quoting silvercrow:

I wouldn't have married him in the first place.. these "insecurities" were there before you got married.. He is stalkerish nuts sorry i would be so long gone by now..



atlmom2
by Susie on Sep. 14, 2011 at 10:36 AM

I agree.  If my dd's have a boyfriend remotely like this, they get dumped so fast.  My 20 yo has done it several times already.  NOONE tells her what to do, lol. 

Quoting silvercrow:

I wouldn't have married him in the first place.. these "insecurities" were there before you got married.. He is stalkerish nuts sorry i would be so long gone by now..


                


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Punkie74
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 10:37 AM

Yeah... I have to agree... There's no way I'd want to defend myself every day and worry that he doesn't believe me... Well then again I don't suppose I'd be worrying about it... I'd tell him the truth and if he didn't believe me he knows where the door is...

Quoting silvercrow:

I wouldn't have married him in the first place.. these "insecurities" were there before you got married.. He is stalkerish nuts sorry i would be so long gone by now..






Bluebell43
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 10:38 AM


Quoting auroragold:

Honey

Hugs to you because that just sucks. And, as hard as it may be - do you REALLY want to spend your life looking over your shoulder?

Wondering what cameras and recording devices may be used on you?

Justifying your every move?  

Fearing reprisal for having friendships?

That's how you want to live your life?

That's what you want your children to see?

That's what you want them to know about relationships?

Ditto. I am sorry, I would tell him either trust me or we have nothing, because without trust there is nothing.

kagegirl
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 10:51 AM

DF used to be like that,, but I just told him, " I refuse to serve time for another's crime. That was THEIR stupid, not mine, and I am not playing into this. You want to believe I am fucking someone when I run to the grocery store, you go right ahead, but I am not NOT having a life just because you are insecure." I think he still is, but he is better about it now. Doesn't question me, isn't up my butt. He never check my phone or anything like that though, so I have no advice for you.

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