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what would you do

Posted by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 7:07 PM
  • 21 Replies

We moved in with my mom because her health hasn't been the best lately. But it's been nothing but stress. She yells and screams about everything. Nothing we do is good enough. She has trouble hearing so she seems to think we are saying things that were not which she starts screaming again. We don't have the option of moving because my husband had to quit his job to move where she wanted to be. He does lawn are so we have to wait till it warms up to get jobs again. What would you do in that situation? I'm beyond stressed and my kids are tired of her being mean all the time to them.

by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 7:07 PM
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Replies (1-10):
gypsy_rose
by Kandy on Jan. 15, 2012 at 7:10 PM

I would be out of there ASAP. Untill then. WRITE EVERYTHING YOU WANT TO SAY TO HER DOWN. communicate by writing.

mamak57
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 7:16 PM

talk to her doctor about something for stress, IN FRONT OF HER. You are under a lot of it and she may not realize how stressful she is. She may benefit from an anti-anxiety drug.

jerzeetomato
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 7:28 PM

 I sympathize - I took my elderly mother in several years ago and it is completely stressful on all of us.  There must be an unwritten rule somewhere about sick mother's getting mean and miserable when you have to take care of them.  I agree with mamak57 - talk with her doctor at her next appointment - my mother is on anti-anxiety drugs and it helps alot.

atlmom2
by Susie on Jan. 15, 2012 at 7:34 PM
I wouldn't have moved in with her in the first place and no way would I have let my husband quit a job to move in with my mom.
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EireLass
by Ruby Member on Jan. 15, 2012 at 7:35 PM

Go to her doctor visit with her. You speak up to the doctor about her mood, as well as her hearing.

I live with a Vet who is deaf, and I know the frustrations on both sides. Thankfully he finally got hearing aides, but he can't wear them if he goes out in the rain, etc. So when he isn't wearing them, the frustration jumps right up.

You mention that she isn't in good health, but you didn't specify what. If she has any pain issues, that will make her very grouchy. I have a chronic pain condition and unless I'm medicated....I am miserable. 

Maybe you just need to be your Mom's health advocate. But you should bring these things to the doctors attention while she's there, and let her know its because you care about her. That might soften her.

Fairywings1223
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 7:42 PM

She wasn't like that before we moved in with her. Also we have a lawncare business and we lived in MI and so there was no work anyway. We have money in the bank to live off of so him quiting his job wasn't a major issue. It was just the issue of him leaving his winter work

Quoting atlmom2:

I wouldn't have moved in with her in the first place and no way would I have let my husband quit a job to move in with my mom.


Fairywings1223
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 7:52 PM

Thanks I will definitely check with her dr about the stress. Maybe with that and something else to help with pain it might help. Shes a diabetic too so she won't take much otc meds for pain.

MissJeanne
by on Jan. 16, 2012 at 5:39 PM


Quoting EireLass:

Go to her doctor visit with her. You speak up to the doctor about her mood, as well as her hearing.

I live with a Vet who is deaf, and I know the frustrations on both sides. Thankfully he finally got hearing aides, but he can't wear them if he goes out in the rain, etc. So when he isn't wearing them, the frustration jumps right up.

You mention that she isn't in good health, but you didn't specify what. If she has any pain issues, that will make her very grouchy. I have a chronic pain condition and unless I'm medicated....I am miserable. 

Maybe you just need to be your Mom's health advocate. But you should bring these things to the doctors attention while she's there, and let her know its because you care about her. That might soften her.

This and make sure she has a check-up to rule out any problems.  It's also a physh problem, no one likes to loose their independence and control over the situation.  After a check-up, see if she needs a hearing aid then sit down and make some rules, ask Her first how she wants things done, explain to kids this is Granny's house and point out special items so they know granny treasure's them.  There are 3 generations living here and it does take some adjustment when you are both used to having your own homes.  Good luck, I am sure with hearing help and warmer weather, once she's use to kids again things will get better. 

mydebbers
by on Jan. 16, 2012 at 6:47 PM

Eh I would have never moved in with my mom.

ragdoll13
by on Jan. 17, 2012 at 1:17 PM

How old is she?   Maybe she is having some memory problems.  Not having great hearing doesn't help the situation, could you possibly talk her into getting tested?    I took care of my grandmother for about a year.  Alzhiemers and demtia are very tough diseases.  No one wants to admit they have a problem remembering things, so they're hard to diagnose early.  One minute my grandma was fine, then the next, screaming and yelling.  Forgetting simple things and not thinking clearly are very upsetting.  Towards the end of me taking care of her, she'd get confused and cuss me out , or even try to run away from me because she was confused.  

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