Thinking of getting a divorce..

[nudeprude]

DH and I have been married for 13 years now and he's been gone for work for the last 8 years.  I am so fed up with the lack of stability and his absence that I am ready to throw in the towel!  I feel enormous amounts of guilt about this, however,  I know I cannot go on living as a physically single parent.  I realize my situation is not the same as a true single parent that has no financial and emotional support from her ex-spouse but his lack of being here for us is really wearing me down. 

The kids and I live several hours away from where he works (he lives in an apartment there) and I have begged him to let us move to that area and rent a house.  He is reluctant due to his job being shaky and he doesn't want to give up this house here.  He knows I have abandonment issues and quite honestly I've been surprised he's never stepped up and taken care/control of the situation and said no matter what, our family is going to be together.  He blows me off when we discuss it and I am so fucking jaded.  I almost feel like if we got divorced, he would be forced to be a dad for once!  He is a workaholic and always has been.  I was a fool to think he'd be anything else.

I want to keep my family together but we deserve a husband/father that is present!  I don't know what else to do and I'm tired of wasting our lives waiting for him to man up and fulfill his obligations to us.

(FYI DH is home with us at most every weekend but we've had a full 4 weeks where we didn't see him so it varies)

 

[hplesha]

To me, him having his own place by his work and his family not move in with him raises red flags for me.

[atlmom2]

He has been there for 8 years and you never moved?  Sounds strange he doesn't want you to move after all this time. 

We move a ton but a couple times dh had to move without us for a while, but we knew it was temporary.  One time we stayed behind for 15 months but dh got to come visit, every other weekend, on the company, and also he spent some weeks working from home.  Also another time I spent 3 months waiting for my youngest to be born while dh moved.  He was able to pretty much drive home every weekend since it was close enough. 

I certainly understand you are worn down.  I would tell him you need to move. 

[LiesLiesLies]

Agreed. Seems like a case of him having 2 families/2 women....

Quoting hplesha:

To me, him having his own place by his work and his family not move in with him raises red flags for me.

[nudeprude]

To clarify, he's been in the other city for a little over a year now.  Prior to that he was a consultant that flew around the world. 

[luv2nap]

that sounds very difficult to bear.... your right for wanting to be where he is.... i have to agree the idea of him being so adamant about you staying put and him having his own place and not seeing him for weeks on end..... raises flags for me too.

[MrsTBailey]

Ask him if he will see a family counsellor with you & your children. If he says he doesn't want to then you & your kids should go and seek out a family counsellor because it is probably taking a toll on your children also! I am sorry that he doesn't want to talk with you or consider your feelings and i agree him not wanting you to move with him to be near to his job is a major RED FLAG!! Hang in there mama and i will be praying for you! :-)

[.Diddles.]

Red flags right away when you said he has an apartment so far away and will not allow the family to move closer....you know where I am going with this. I am sorry, but a woman should ALWAYS trust her instincts.

[NVL0707]

He's sleeping with someone else.Why else would he not want to be near his family?

[LiesLiesLies]

Why can't you guys stay at the apartment with him? And all go home on the weekends?

Quoting nudeprude:

To clarify, he's been in the other city for a little over a year now.  Prior to that he was a consultant that flew around the world. 

[xMamaLandx]

I think that you should cont to talk to him about it. I hate to be a debbie downer but it sounds like he doesn't want ya down there cuz he is enjoying his freedom too much. He gets the best of two worlds. Family on weekends and bachelor style the rest of the time. But thats just how it looks from an outsider looking in.  My dh would make it his first priority to get us to where he was or he would find a diff job.