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My dh wont sleep with me

Posted by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 5:43 PM
  • 20 Replies

My dh and I have been together for three years. After living together for six months, we spent a few months apart in different states due to work, ever since we started living together again 2 months ago, i can barly get my dh to have sex with me. He always tell me he is "too tired" or "not in the mood", or he comes up with some other excuse like "he wants to finish his movie" or "he hasnt showered yet today". I can understand that I may not be as attractive as i used to be due to having my c section, but while we were living apart i lost 40 pounds and am back to my prepregnancy weight, although i am not as toned as i was. All i can think is that my husband finds me so unnatractive and repulsive that he cant even have sex with me. We used to have it at least once a day, now im lucky if i get it once a week at 3:30 in the morning while he is still half dreaming. He always is looking at other girls, even while im sitting next to him, and whenever he talks about a girl, he always tell me that shes hot or sexy. I have been working out and doing small diets (i was anorexic for 2 years, so im trying to learn how to lose weight without starving myself). But I still find myself wondering if its my looks, or me in general. If you have gone through this, can you give me some advice?

by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 5:43 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Cindy18
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 5:47 PM
1 mom liked this

 First it's not you!!!! It's him.

Unfortunately, it sounds to me like he may be having an affair. AGAIN, it's not you, it's him.

atlmom2
by Susie on Feb. 12, 2012 at 6:58 PM
2 moms liked this

Its not you.  Its him.  Get counseling. 

GertieK
by Silver Member on Feb. 12, 2012 at 7:37 PM
1 mom liked this

It is NOT YOU.  The other ladies are right.  I would venture to guess he is having an affair.  You need to confront him head on and get it figured out sooner than later.  Best to get to the bottom of this now.  Sounds like your time apart created a problem.  I know that when you love someone it is really hard to do, but you have a lot of livng to do and you don't want to be doing it with someone who is not committed to the relationship

amonkeymom
by Bronze Member on Feb. 12, 2012 at 8:07 PM

I agree, it's not you.  Talk to him, suggest counseling, do things to fall in love again.

dorfmama
by Member on Feb. 12, 2012 at 8:28 PM
2 moms liked this
While I agree that it isn't you, I wouldn't jump right to the assumption that he's having an affair. Relationships have ups and downs. How old is your baby? Some men have trouble seeing their child's
mother in a sexual light after the baby arrives. Have you tried talking to him about this?
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Connie04
by Silver Member on Feb. 12, 2012 at 9:10 PM

I will add this to the other responses......IT'S NOT YOU!!!  If he has issues, it certainly isn't because of how you look.  Your spouse will love you no matter what and if he's dealing with something, he's better off discussing it with you so you can understand.  As another lady responded, maybe he's having trouble seeing you as a sexual being now that you are a mother.  Please start a conversation with him about this and hopefully, you can get this resolved. 

danie24
by on Feb. 13, 2012 at 8:37 AM
Talk to him. Maybe he's not interested in a serious relationship. Having regrets about moving in, etc

You need to sit down with him and hash it out because it's not fair to string you along if he's wanting ou but too afraid to hurt your feelings.

This has nothing to do with how you look.
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MarShy740
by on Feb. 13, 2012 at 8:40 AM
Sorry I agree

Quoting danie24:

Talk to him. Maybe he's not interested in a serious relationship. Having regrets about moving in, etc



You need to sit down with him and hash it out because it's not fair to string you along if he's wanting ou but too afraid to hurt your feelings.



This has nothing to do with how you look.
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BL2010
by BL on Feb. 13, 2012 at 10:58 AM

As everyone else has said, it's not you. It's him. You need to sit him down outside the bedroom and communicate. He is the only one that can tell you what is going on with him.

How old is he? When was the last time he had a physical? Does he take any medications?

sped985
by on Feb. 13, 2012 at 11:41 AM

He is 22, no medications, and he hasnt had a physical in a while. 

Quoting BL2010:

As everyone else has said, it's not you. It's him. You need to sit him down outside the bedroom and communicate. He is the only one that can tell you what is going on with him.

How old is he? When was the last time he had a physical? Does he take any medications?


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