Do you think it is ok to use "SHAME" as a form of discipline a child?
Lets say the child got bad grades?
I am not saying the child "stole" i.e. making that a crime.
READ THE LAST PARAGRAPH VERY CAREFULLY!
For Shame, For Shame: How to End Shaming When Disciplining
By Christine Vander Wielen, MSW CAPSW
Have you ever felt as though you were being watched? If you have ever been around
children, then you have been more closely then you think. Children, particularly young
children, imitate actions, words, voice intonations and even attitudes. Sure, some of it is
cute, especially when they imitate positive actions. However, some of what children
imitate can be harmful to them.
Parents have an enormous amount of influence over their children. It is my experience
that parents often underestimate the magnitude of their power and influence. I have
heard many parents say “he does not listen to me,” or “he does not pay attention.” Even
if you think they are not listening, they are, and they are watching. Their little minds are
taking copious notes.
Children absorb subtle cues from their parents. They tend to see the world through
their parents’ eyes. If the parents are fearful, depressed, anxious, or angry, their
children have a greater tendency to be fearful, depressed, anxious, or angry.
Conversely, if the parents are relaxed, peaceful, and happy, their children are more
likely to be relaxed, peaceful, and happy.
Another subtle cue influences how children see themselves. Children see themselves,
in part, the way in which the parents see themselves. For example, research indicates
that adolescent girls suffering from an eating disorder are more likely to have a mother
who also has an eating disorder. Similarly, parents who have low self-esteem, or a poor
self image are more likely to have children with low self-esteem, or poor self-image.
Additionally, the parents’ treatment of the children influences how the children view
themselves. If parents are demeaning, shaming, uninvolved, or detached, then children
are more likely to see themselves in a negative way. Concepts, thoughts, attitudes and
actions can be passed from generation to generation without the parents or children’s
The parents’ behavior is sometimes more about them than it is about the child. For
example, the shaming parents do often grows out of the shame they feel. Without
intending to, parents sometimes shame their children. The shaming can be as subtle as
a roll of the eyes, click of the tongue, sigh, or demeaning humor. Shaming can also
take the form of yelling, threatening, or embarrassing in front of others. More overtly,
parents can shame their children by name-calling, making comments such as “I have
told you a hundred times;” or “are you that stupid;” or by being physically abusive.
When the parents’ shame is projected onto the children, the children are left to shoulder
the weight of the shame. Their shoulders are too small and weak, so they often end up
internalizing the shame. This predisposes the child to developing depression, anxiety
and relational difficulties in adulthood.