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My 13YO DD is upstairs sobbing right now -- and I feel like the WORST parent in the world.

Posted by on May. 14, 2012 at 8:29 PM
  • 86 Replies

DD, age 13 (7th grade) is crying her eyes out.   She has been completely blowing off her chores (including cleaning her room) over the past week +, and she has been very mouthy & disrespectful.   This evening, I 'talked' to her about the state of her room (where -- in addition to mounds of dirty clothes and wet towels -- I found dirty dishes & empty soda can -- and BUGS -- when she is not allowed to eat in her room), as well as the fact that she failed to complete her chores AGAIN yesterday (despite several reminders).

So tonight is the spring choir concert at her middle school.   And she will not be participating.   She was quite rude to both her Dad & me earlier (and even told her father she "hates" him - which brought him to tears).   This is part of her grade -- but, despite her apologies, we're not allowing her to go (every time she gets in trouble she apologizes -- and we relent -- but her behavior never improves.)

She's not a bad kid.   She's just a teenager.   But she's pushed far too many buttons this week.    And I'm sure she doesn't even get that this is breaking our hearts.  :(

by on May. 14, 2012 at 8:29 PM
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Replies (1-10):
jillbailey26
by on May. 14, 2012 at 8:35 PM
11 moms liked this

Why would you take that away?  It's part of her grade.  Take TV, her cell phone if she has one, something like that.  Not a required school function.


"Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification"  Romans 14:19

robbinsroost
by Member on May. 14, 2012 at 8:36 PM

I hate when the punishment is just as hard on the parents as it is for the kids. My kids are all under 8, but we have grounded them from going places. We even kept them home from church one night because their behavior was so horrid. We always said we would never take church away as a punishment, but how could we let them go have fun when they were grounded.

orangeillusion
by on May. 14, 2012 at 8:37 PM
4 moms liked this
Good for you! I know it can be hard to stick to what you say as a parent but good job!
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MommaGreenhalge
by Member on May. 14, 2012 at 8:37 PM
I'm so sorry. I know it's hard, but you're doing the right thing. Sometimes that's what it takes.
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mommy259
by on May. 14, 2012 at 8:37 PM
3 moms liked this

I disagree with your punishment...If going was part of her grader she should have been there you don't take away things that can effect her grades..Take away something else..TV, cell, Friends, week to the house, computer so fourth

DropZoneMom
by on May. 14, 2012 at 8:38 PM

Because all of that has been done before -- and has had no long-term effect on her behavior.  This was a line in the sand...   There comes a point where you have to follow through with your threats, so your kids understand you're serious.

Don't misunderstand me -- I'm not cold-hearted.   This is killing me.  I'm sitting here crying as much as she is.

Quoting jillbailey26:

Why would you take that away?  It's part of her grade.  Take TV, her cell phone if she has one, something like that.  Not a required school function.


jillbailey26
by on May. 14, 2012 at 8:42 PM
4 moms liked this

I'm not saying you're cold hearted.  I agree with punishing her, but school is important.  Things like this, that are for a grade, are important too.  

I also think that now that you've made this her punishment, you should follow through.  You can't go back on it now.  For next time, I wouldn't pick something that is important for school though.  

Quoting DropZoneMom:

Because all of that has been done before -- and has had no long-term effect on her behavior.  This was a line in the sand...   There comes a point where you have to follow through with your threats, so your kids understand you're serious.

Don't misunderstand me -- I'm not cold-hearted.   This is killing me.  I'm sitting here crying as much as she is.

Quoting jillbailey26:

Why would you take that away?  It's part of her grade.  Take TV, her cell phone if she has one, something like that.  Not a required school function.




"Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification"  Romans 14:19

DropZoneMom
by on May. 14, 2012 at 8:46 PM

Thanks -- and I agree.   

This SO TOTALLY SUCKS.   :(

Quoting jillbailey26:

I'm not saying you're cold hearted.  I agree with punishing her, but school is important.  Things like this, that are for a grade, are important too.  

I also think that now that you've made this her punishment, you should follow through.  You can't go back on it now.  For next time, I wouldn't pick something that is important for school though.  

Quoting DropZoneMom:

Because all of that has been done before -- and has had no long-term effect on her behavior.  This was a line in the sand...   There comes a point where you have to follow through with your threats, so your kids understand you're serious.

Don't misunderstand me -- I'm not cold-hearted.   This is killing me.  I'm sitting here crying as much as she is.

Quoting jillbailey26:

Why would you take that away?  It's part of her grade.  Take TV, her cell phone if she has one, something like that.  Not a required school function.




steveiguana
by on May. 14, 2012 at 8:46 PM
2 moms liked this

I have no problem with punishment for  bad behavior but I agree with the others taking away her school grade is going to backfire on you. You then are going to be upset when she doesnt pass her class? Also it hurts the other kids in her class they all practice for this together and one missing part can lead to confusion.

jillbailey26
by on May. 14, 2012 at 8:48 PM
1 mom liked this

I am definitely NOT looking forward to the teenage years with my daughter, lol.

Quoting DropZoneMom:

Thanks -- and I agree.   

This SO TOTALLY SUCKS.   :(

Quoting jillbailey26:

I'm not saying you're cold hearted.  I agree with punishing her, but school is important.  Things like this, that are for a grade, are important too.  

I also think that now that you've made this her punishment, you should follow through.  You can't go back on it now.  For next time, I wouldn't pick something that is important for school though.  

Quoting DropZoneMom:

Because all of that has been done before -- and has had no long-term effect on her behavior.  This was a line in the sand...   There comes a point where you have to follow through with your threats, so your kids understand you're serious.

Don't misunderstand me -- I'm not cold-hearted.   This is killing me.  I'm sitting here crying as much as she is.

Quoting jillbailey26:

Why would you take that away?  It's part of her grade.  Take TV, her cell phone if she has one, something like that.  Not a required school function.






"Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification"  Romans 14:19

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