The latest child-rearing fad? 'Detachment' parenting

[maciymommieof3]

 

The latest child-rearing fad? Detachment parenting

Courtesy of Sarah Maizes

Sarah Maizes demonstrates "detachment parenting."

By Sarah Maizes

"Attachment Parenting" is so last week.

All that bonding, baby-wearing and breastfeeding? Done. Over. So passe.

I am developing a new parenting style of my own - one I am confident will yield a future world leader, a captain of industry, or at least a fairly enthusiastic therapy candidate. I call it "Detachment Parenting," and it's the wave of the future.

As the mother of three children under the age of 12 who have yet to be charged with any major crime - or spend significant time in the Principal's office - I feel I am qualified to pimp my own unique parenting technique. After all, if it works for my children, won't it work for everyone else's?

It's not a complicated philosophy. Like "Attachment Parenting" (AP) it's actually quite intuitive. Dr. Sears suggests that AP is what we would practice if we lived alone on an island. Which is great. If you do live alone on an island. But I don't. And with three children, PTA obligations, gymnastics, basketball practice, art classes, tennis lessons, tutors, and more pets than people in my home - I'm far from alone. Mama's got stuff to do. Like buy groceries. And nap.

And while the recent Time magazine cover shows a hot young mom with a toddler dangling from her boob like a tassel on a stripper, wearing a defiant stare that dares me to be "Mom Enough," I imagine my own magazine cover - a 40-something year old me with a quizzical "how the h-ll did this happen?" stare, holding a child at arms length by his forehead while his outstretched, pudding-covered fingers try to get at me.

Related story: Time's breast-feeding toddler spurs shock, talk

Detachment Parenting is actually very cutting edge in its natural rubric. After all, what parent hasn't heard their child shriek and responded internally with an instinctive, "Oy."

Let's say your child wakes every night crying for you. Do you really want to roll out of bed and run to their side swiftly before any tears hit the pillow? In DP, you simply roll over and turn off the monitor.

Need to accomplish a task without interruption? An AP mom would never dare to attempt this. But a DP mom can accomplish any single task with minimal interruption using only some Legos and a pack of gum.

And balance? Well, AP parents can rub each other's heads gently while their little imp snores between them. DP can parents lock the door and get it on.

It's so simple.

Of course, like Dr. Sears, I can only offer "Tools. Not rules." And each family is so different. But what's great about DP is you can adjust the levels of benign neglect to suit your own family's needs.

Of course, I'm still honing my philosophy, figuring out the specifics. But I'm very optimistic.

I can't be entirely off course because my kids still love me. At least that's what they tell me when I put them in bed at night. They kiss me and hug me happily and I enjoy every morsel of their love. Then I close the door to their room, content that that is where they will stay, and go to my room to watch "Family Guy."

Of course, the minute they leave for college (God willing!) I'll be filled with regret. I'll miss them, and wish I had taken more time to stop and smell the roses - or at least let them wipe those pudding covered fingers all over me.

But for now this works for me. And for them too. Just as long as I keep a huge stock of Legos and gum.

Sarah Maizes is a writer, speaker, comedian and founder of MommyLITEonline.com, a parenting humor site. She is the author of "Got Milf? The Modern Mom's Guide to Feeling Fabulous, Looking Great and Rocking a Minivan" , and her new children's picture book "On My Way to the Bath" will be out on May 22^nd. In her spare time she...wait...she has no spare time.

[atlmom2]

I think Dr. SEars if full of shit. How in the world does he know no attachment parenting kids are bullies and all this stuff.  He hasn't polled every AP parented kid.  He actually said on the View last week that every AP kid is not a bully. 

[maciymommieof3]

 I like DP....a whole lot :)

[2metalbabies]

I've been doing this for years, but I have an aversion to being touched, unless it's on my terms. Idk what the whole bully thing is about, but I do know that bullying has reached epidemic proportions, which is the result of improper socialization of children by their parents, along with narrow minded parents teaching their children their own narrow minded ways. But, that's just my opinion.

[Elyssa414]

Lol. That was pretty good! :) but I thought this was called baby-wise.... ;)

[GertieK]

Sounds more like plain old common sense to me.  Baby-wise is a little too cold when babies are infants.  Real life intrudes, and unless you want to create a monster, everyone needs to learn how to be independent, how to deal with disappointments, how to hear and accept the word "NO", how to be strong, how to be kind, how to share, and how to love.  This is real love... it is love that knows what the real world is like and wants their child to be prepared, with a strong family foundation.  Kids with no boundaries stay confused and selfish.

[Barabell]

My goal is to raise my child to become a functioning adult that contributes to our society. I'm definitely not an AP parent because I want him to gradually be able to do things on his own, without mommy's and daddy's constant help. It is all about striking a balance.

[Randi02]

Unattached parenting IS the norm right now, and it's sad. Bottle feeding, crib sleeping, CIO etc.

Our babies were designed to be breastfed, co sleep and be kept close. Not doing those things is a relatively new trend, and we are starting to see that it's harmful.

How much more uninterrupted can you get than having a baby sleep in a wrap or carrier while you get things done? My kids would sleep/nurse in those things for hours. They were crawling by around 5 months, and then I never saw them again lol. As for sex? There's a lot more to our sex life than the marital bed ;) Co sleeping never put a damper on that at all!

JFTR, I hate Dr. Sears. I don't follow him at all.

[Randi02]

Constant help? How does AP hinder them? lol

Most of the world parents this way, and has since the beginning of man.

Quoting Barabell:

My goal is to raise my child to become a functioning adult that contributes to our society. I'm definitely not an AP parent because I want him to gradually be able to do things on his own, without mommy's and daddy's constant help. It is all about striking a balance.

[ArianasMama2007]

Lol

Quoting maciymommieof3:

 I like DP....a whole lot :)

[danie24]

I agree, 100%

Quoting Randi02:

Unattached parenting IS the norm right now, and it's sad. Bottle feeding, crib sleeping, CIO etc.

Our babies were designed to be breastfed, co sleep and be kept close. Not doing those things is a relatively new trend, and we are starting to see that it's harmful.

How much more uninterrupted can you get than having a baby sleep in a wrap or carrier while you get things done? My kids would sleep/nurse in those things for hours. They were crawling by around 5 months, and then I never saw them again lol. As for sex? There's a lot more to our sex life than the marital bed ;) Co sleeping never put a damper on that at all!

JFTR, I hate Dr. Sears. I don't follow him at all.