So angry with our 10 yr old. How should I handle this?

[nodramamama311]

She is not allowed to wear a bikini, she knows this. So yesterday I get a text picture from my ex, she's with him this weekend, of her in a damn bikini. My ex said that she did tell him how I feel about bikinis but that he told her he thought I'd be ok with this certain one because it's boy short bottoms instead of underwear shaped bottoms. Uh....NO IM NOT OK WITH IT! It's the top too! Little girls don't need to be wearing things that are styled to look like they have boobs, not appropriate. So he apologized and said he would send the suit home with her and I could do what I wanted with it.
What should I do about her though? I kind of feel like she should have just said no to the suit because we have talked about this extensively and she knows better. Advice please!

[redneckmama2]

I personally wouldn't be too mad at her. She was listening to her dad and probably just wanted to make him happy. Just sit down with her and show her what it is about the bikini that you dont like so that she knows for future. good luck mama

[the3Rs]

Be mad at the dad not the kid.

[the3Rs]

Actually, on 2nd thought don't be mad at either. He apologized & is sending it home, & she was just listening to her dad.

Quoting the3Rs:

Be mad at the dad not the kid.

[nodramamama311]

Guess you guys are right, I just hate not being listened to, ya know?

[BaileynMe]

Of course! But it was a mistake that was apologize for; getting mad about it is only going to foster resentment since he's trying to rectify it and she was only listening to him.

Have you ever explained to her all the reasons she's not allowed to wear one? Maybe doing that in a calm, cool manner would help her understand.

Quoting nodramamama311:

Guess you guys are right, I just hate not being listened to, ya know?

[Dinimon]

Eh.. id be a little mad but not as mad as you. Tell her next time to take into consideration what you allowed her and didn't allow her to do.

[teri4lance]

She's obviously not as on board with your bikini opinion as you thought.
I really don't think its that big a deal.

[steveiguana]

If this is an ex and he was on his time with her I hav a question do you follow all his rules for her too? Even if you personally do not agree with them? If not why does he have to follow your rules on his time if you do not follow his rules on your time?

[GertieK]

It is a big deal.  She defied you.  She was clear about your rules, and she played her dad.  She should be held accountable for her deception.  Whether little girls should or should not wear bikinis is not the point.  (I do agree with you on that point though.  She will have plenty of time to dress as an adult later when she is an adult).  She knew your rule, and she defied you.  You need to be able to trust that she will do the right thing even when you are not looking.  I think her dad realized she had played him, and reacted appropriately.  Even though ya'll are divorced, a united front as far as the rules are concerned is extremely important.  She doesn't need one set of rules in your home and another in his.  Consistency and staying true to your word is important.

[nodramamama311]

It would take so long to explain our story but basically since we divorced, when she was 18 months old, I have taken care of her by myself until I married again when she was 5. He wasn't even around until he got sober last year and he does ok now. He respects all my rules and doesn't try to over step me, except with this because he really didn't think I would be upset.
Guess I just answered my own post...lol
I think I'm upset with her because it felt like she was trying to get away with something but she's really a good kid.
Thanks for making me think about this.

Quoting steveiguana:

If this is an ex and he was on his time with her I hav a question do you follow all his rules for her too? Even if you personally do not agree with them? If not why does he have to follow your rules on his time if you do not follow his rules on your time?