19 year old daughter has been brainwashed by boyfriends family
There's no support group for this, there's no law to stop this. We're at a complete loss as to what to do and devestated. This boy and his parents have been in our lives for a couple years now. We didn't allow her to see him because of his criminal record and violent temper. His parents were constantly being evicted and they've moved quite often. Of course she snuck around behind our back to see him. Come to find out that she completely blew off her first year of college to see him, as well as gotten fired from a job for always calling in so she could see this boy.
I've tried talking to his mother, but she's worse than this boy is...and was DETERMINED to "get her" for her son. They are the kind of people who leech off anything and everyone they can, but my daughter refused to see it.
In the last few years she withdrew from friends and family, kept herself in her room and became very depressed, lost her confidence and refused to even TRY at anything offered her.
Recently it came to a head in our family. Her failing school was just the straw that broke the camels back, the constant fighting, sneaking around behind our backs, attitude has taken not only a toll on our health bug financially a burden on us as well. We told her she had to make a choice, the military, a full-time job until her probation for college was over or move out. She moved out...with the boyfriend and his family. Now she has cut off all communication with us. We've also come to find out that she has been lying to his family, telling them that we kept her prisoner and have been abusive. This is NOT true, and by doing this she risks our son who is younger and still in the home.
We are on a rollercoaster of emotions, I love my daughter and want her home. These people are dangerous and we have seen signs of brainwashing. The boyfriend also shows every sign of being abusive, mentally and physically. His mother is beyond sick...actually calling my daughter at work one day, telling her that her son was in the hospital with a "broken heart" because he couldn't be with her. My daughter came home and told me that she needed to move in with him in order to help him. We managed to talk her out of it then...but we couldn't fight it this time. My fear is that this woman will talk her in to getting pregnant (for the welfare and food stamps) then she will really be stuck with these monsters. And if she wanted to escape there's no way this woman would let a baby go. And given all that she has lied about to them about us, I don't think there would be much we could do about it.
I know she's 19, and there's nothing we can legally do. I really just needed to vent, and there isn't a support group out there for parents in our situation. This is like a death. Just a couple years ago my daughter was an honor student, incredibly funny, honest and very close with us and her friends. She's become this low-class, dirty, foul-mouthed, insecure and negative person. We just don't know what to do :'(
I'm sorry you are going through this. It breaks my heart personally because I was that child once to my parents. Just keep praying and be there for her no matter what. I know its hard. I seen my own parents go through it and I feel bad for what I put them through. It took me 3 years to realize how stupid I was for being with my daughters father. Now 3 years later and I haven't seen him or spoken to him in 2 and 1/2 years. She will realize what a great family she has and what a pos he is and that he is only taking her down with him. I pray for you and your family! Keep your heads up and just accept her right now.
wow im so sorry mama hugs sadly there isnt much you can do since she is 19 :( she needs to find out for herself and i know its hard :( i put my mom threw hell when i was with my ex. his family was much the same and my ex was a abuser and good at it. he had me so brainwashed it wasnt funny. thankfully i woke up ( sorry to tell you this part but i was 8m pregnant and we had our own place when i left him but i cut him out of my life and now im happy with my family) your daughter is 19 and trying out her wings. try to stay strong mama and hope she wakes up very soon. maybe now that she is away from home she will figure it out soon and come running back :(
I'm really sorry!! That must be heartbreaking. I don't really have any advice other than to just don't give up on her and pray pray and pray some more!! Let her know that you will ALWAYS be there for her, and that no matter what, you will always love her. ((Hugs))
I have been in the same exact shoes as your daughter is now, about ten yrs. ago. I left home at 17 and never came back after my parents refused to let me see my boyfriend at the time. I wound up getting pregnant and having my first son at 18 yrs. old. My family still showed me all the love of the world, but because they didn't support my decisions I pretty much stayed away and it pushed me to be closer to his family instead. I of course saw the light, but after a few years of living a horrible lifestyle with horrible people. My only advise is to still reach out to her, but don't even bring up how you disapprove of her boyfriend or lifestyle. Talk abut other things..how's she doing, what's new? Don't let the boyfriend become a wedge between you and ruin your relationship. The more you express your disgust for him, the more she will be drawn to him. This is a fact. Eventually she will more than likely see for herself that she can do much better and when she does, simply be there for her. I am now a 30 yr. old mother of two who moved got a new place in my old home area just to be near my parents who I love and cherish. If you ever need to talk with someone who's been on the other end of your story pm me. I wish you the very best.
damn hun, im so sorry to hear this ... :(
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Pray. She may be feeling abandoned by you at this point because you made her choose between parents that loves
and a boyfriend that she loves (even if he is bad for her). Sometimes you have to let your children make mistakes
for themselves, even if they will be painful ones. I think at this point it would just be best if you told her that even
though you don't agree with her decisions, that you will be there to help her through whatever she is going through.
Trust me, it doesn't feel nice to have your parents abandon you, or to feel like they are abandonng you.
Hi, I just want to say that I'm 23 so not that far from your daughter in age and so I can tell you even though it sound harsh that there's nothing you can do! You've tried and now you're the enemy, nothing you say will put sense into her and there's a good chance that the more you push the worse you'll make it. I'm so sorry you're going through this, truely I am, I can't imagine how I'd feel if my precious baby grew up to behave so foolishly:( The best you can do is to back off and (even if in your heart you can't) be ok with it, when this blows she's going to need to be able to go to you but if it was all fighting she won't because she'll feel like you're going to just say "I told you so", so instead she'll try to deal with it on her own and possibly disapear for good, leaving you to wonder what happened to her. Even if you can't respect or be ok with her desision you need to respect her feelings, she must believe she loves this guy or she wouldn't so blatantly throw away so much, you pointing out all the flaws of the man she "loves" and his family will only make her hate you. I'm defending her I swear, it sounds like she's being foolish and bitter, but that's the choice she's made and it's to late now. Please try to be what she needs so she's not all alone with no one to turn to but the bad crowd she's picking up from this guy, this will be salvagable when it breaks but if she can't rely on you then she will only go deeper and there will be a point where it won't be anymore, I've seen it happen. Pray for her, hopefully she will meet a friend who helps her see what this guy really is and come back to you. Don't refer to him as a "boy" anymore nor her as a "girl" yes that's all we are to our parents and I'm perfectly ok with it myself from my mom but she will see it as you refusing to see she's an adult and maybe part of the reason she's doing it is to shove in your face that she is in fact an adult and can do whatever she wants. I know it's hard and you're hurt and angry but just try to see what I'm saying, she will need you trust me but if she's to far from you emotianly she wont' go to you no matter how much she wants to and she will be lost like so many young people are, we float in a sea having tossed our oars overboard when they tried to show us how foolish we were and we're too proud and scared to get them and so we float on and on until one day we see our oars again and don't even recognize what they are, our eyes hazy from being lost for so long
Do you think its selfish
Does sex in the 1st 30 days kill a relationship?
- TTWWBB
on Jun. 19, 2012 at 4:27 AM