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I'm not sure how to cope with this

Posted by on Aug. 11, 2012 at 4:09 PM
  • 34 Replies

 My 24 year old DD, who is getting married soon, told me about a week ago that she does not plan on ever having kids. I was looking forward to being a Grammy. I have even imagined what they would look like. Her Fiance has bright red hair, so I saw in my head these adorable red headed cuties. I was looking forward to helping her through the pregnancy and all that wonderful babysitting. Every time I see a friend with a baby I say how much I am looking forward to being a Grammy. Now I am so sad, I don't know what to do with these feelings. I am not going to try and talk her into having kids, that is her decision, not mine. But I can't help feeling like I have lost something precious.

by on Aug. 11, 2012 at 4:09 PM
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Replies (1-10):
GOBryan
by on Aug. 11, 2012 at 4:51 PM

I got married at 19 and I didn't want children. I have 3. Plans change. If she doesn't, well.. it's a decision she has the right to make but in most cases, those plans do change with maturity, age and time. Take it in stride. 

norahsmommy
by Bronze Member on Aug. 11, 2012 at 4:54 PM
Plans change. She may end up having children later down the line. I would feel so sad if my only child told me they didn't want kids. I don't think I have to worry about that since I have four kids and my 8 yr old told me she wants 12! Try not to worry too much, life throws surprises at us no matter how hard we plan.
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lizfnf
by on Aug. 11, 2012 at 5:26 PM

She's young, there's a ton of time for her to reconsider.  Just because she doesn't plan on giving birth doesn't mean that she doesn't plan on adopting/fostering.  If all else fails, they do make really cute clothes for pets now!

MIA0223
by Michelle on Aug. 11, 2012 at 7:06 PM
She is young. SHe may change her mind!
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jerzeetomato
by on Aug. 11, 2012 at 7:12 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm sorry.  She may change her mind -most 24 year old women don't know what they want.  In the mean time, enjoy your friends' grandchildren when you can, and maybe even volunteer with ill or at-risk children.  You seem to have a lot of love to share, and there isn't any reason why someone shouldn't benefit from it.

1likeme
by on Aug. 11, 2012 at 10:46 PM
It's normal for you to be sad when you have to adjust what you vision of the future would be. It will get better over time besides you will have many experiences with her as an adult they just won't involve her babies. That doesn't mean that your life as her mother will be any less rich it will simply be different than what you expected.
Cindy18
by Bronze Member on Aug. 11, 2012 at 10:55 PM

It's her life and decision. I can understand being a little sad. Deep breath. Plans change all the time.

ShannieP
by on Aug. 11, 2012 at 10:58 PM
Like a lot of people said, she could change her mind. When I started dating my (now) husband, he did t want any kids. I almost stopped seeing him because of that!! We just had our third daughter :)
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atlmom2
by Susie on Aug. 11, 2012 at 11:04 PM
People sometimes change. My 21 yo has always said no kids. When dh and I got married we said none or 1. We had 2. Be happy whatever she decides as long as she is happy.
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sherry132
by on Aug. 11, 2012 at 11:06 PM

LOL, I got married, swearing I'd never have kids. Tomorrow my daughter will be 18. I gave my mom three grandkids, and two survived, so I wouldn't worry too much momma, she'll come around and get that fever eventually. 

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