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Okay, Now my button has REALLY been pushed...

Posted by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 8:42 PM
  • 9 Replies
2 moms liked this

Everyone has subject that they feel especially strong about...mine is...

BULLIES...

Now I know, bullies are children who don't know any better...they'll grow out of it and it teaches the kid being bullied to be stronger...

BULL***T!

They are children, adults, moms, dads, your co-worker, your next door neighbor and they do know better...they just don't care.  It's not them...why should they?

When I was young, it was in the school yard...the pretty, popular little girls who ran the school.  They tried to bully me but, I'm not the type to be bullied. I had a very strong belief in "self" at a very young age.  I wasn't popular but, I wasn't fodder for the bullies either...I was a watcher and a protector of those who were bullied.

They say "Oh, children do these things...they will grow out of it"  "Just ignore them"  They don't grow out of it and it's your job as a parent to make sure that it stops.  If you are the parent of a child being bullied...you need to protect your child...bad things happen.

Now we have the internet...People feel safe, in there homes, safe behind the screen.  Cyberbullying is out there.  It can ruin your life...You need to understand and teach your children that once you put your fingers to the keyboard and hit the send button...you have just "told" the whole world...whether it is on your computer or your phone.  That's the world we live in now.

Years ago, there was a song called "Jeremy" by Pearl Jam.  If you haven't heard it...it's about a boy that was finally heard..."Jeremy spoke in class today..."  He blew his brains out in front of his class.  He was bullied to death.  It's a song...right? 

When I went to 7th grade, the three grammer schools in my area all went to the same school.  I met many new people...I met Danny.  The minute you saw Danny...you knew.  This kid was had a BIG target on his chest.  He had carrot orange curly hair, plaid pants that were high waters, ezcema around his eyes so they always look red and sore.  He was a mess.  His mother was trying to raise him and his little sister by herself and they were poor...I tried to talk to him but, he had learned...he just wanted to be invisible.  He hugged the walls, head down.  He never spoke up in class...he WAS invisible.  I went to school with him for three years and I don't remember seeing him more than a dozen times...he was there, I just don't remember "seeing" him. I always told people...you never know what you are creating when you bully someone.  You never know what they just might do...

The last month of 9th grade, I was walking down the hall and there was Danny.  He had a black eye and his hands looked like hamburger.  I couldn't stop myself.  I walked up to him and touched his shoulder and he tried to pull away..."Danny!  Oh my god! What happen to you?"  He said..."They were picking on my sister...they can pick on me but, don't ever touch my sister" It was the first time he had ever looked me in the eye...and he scared me.  Then he said "It's okay, they look worse than I do" and he smiled. Now, I was terrified.

At the end of the year, we were all split into different high schools.  I never saw Danny again.  I went to see a friend towards the end of my senior year.  We were talking and she suddenly said "Oh wow, did you hear what happened to Peter?" Peter was a funny little guy who we went to school with from kindergarten through 9th grade.  He was more the "class clown".  I don't remember him ever really being a bully.  I said "no" what happened?  This is what she told me...

Peter had transfered to another high school for his senior year.  This was a school miles away from where we grew up.  He walked into English class, sat in the middle seat of the middle row.  Apparently, Danny had been at this school for 2yrs and was doing quite well...Peter had no clue he was there.  Danny walked into the room and witnesses said he saw Peter and something in his face changed.  He walked up the far row to the back of the room, walked calmly down the middle row, grabbed Peter by the hair on the back of his head and smashed his face into the desk so hard that he crushed his skull on his forehead.

Peter was in a coma for 8 days.  They had to remove his forehead to allow for swelling...he has brain damage.  No one knows for sure what happened but, I think I do.  He saw Peter...and everything came rushing back...all those years of pain and humiliation and he wasn't going to let it happen again.  I don't know if Peter ever bullied him or if Danny just saw him and something snapped.

My kids were bullied...and you know I put a stop to it.  You have to be there for your kids.  My husband and I were up at the school every week.  We demanded the parents of the other children be there too.  It didn't take long...No one was going to bully me and no one was going to bully my kids. 

Another child died this week...


by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 8:42 PM
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Replies (1-9):
msechelon1211
by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 8:59 PM

wow reading that was kinda intense ...but i do agree bullying should not ever be tolerated and is looked over way too much than perceived

insanemomof4
by Deb on Oct. 13, 2012 at 9:09 PM
Omg you and i are so much alike. I feel the same way about bullying. I will not tolerate it and i teach my kids that they are never to be a bully. But i also teach them that they are not to ever put up with being bullied. It all comes down to the parents and weather or not they teach the kids right from wrong. I could go on and on but i wont but i will end this by saying this no child should ever feel like theyre alone in this world to where they feel like they have no way out and so they try and kill themselves. SAD
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Oct. 13, 2012 at 10:40 PM
Wow that was a lot to read. Good grief. Yeah its sad
kagegirl
by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 10:57 PM
I am very against it myself. I was a bullied child. E just moved to a new apartment, and the kids here tried to bully my son. Hell no!! My momma bear came out. Now they are all friends and play every day. I have been up to my others sons school so many times because of one kid. I don't care. That's my boy, and don't anyone mess with him!
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SimpleComSense
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 9:53 AM

Yes...I know.  I was extremely mad.  I had just read another post about a young girl in Vancouver who was found dead on Wednesday.  It all started with Cyber-bullying and then bled over into her real life.  She was only barely a teenager when someone convinced her to that she would be more well liked if she "Flashed".  Those pictures were later used by an adult male.  Of course...then her peers got into it.  She was moved around, changed schools but...the internet follows you everywhere.  She tried to kill herself by drinking bleach after being beaten and humiliated once again at school...that time she failed.  Wednesday...she did not.  She was 15yrs old.

I know it was a lot to read...and intense but, I was angry...and heartbroken.

Quoting Anonymous:

Wow that was a lot to read. Good grief. Yeah its sad


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Oct. 14, 2012 at 9:55 AM

I understand. It's really a sad thing 

Quoting SimpleComSense:

Yes...I know.  I was extremely mad.  I had just read another post about a young girl in Vancouver who was found dead on Wednesday.  It all started with Cyber-bullying and then bled over into her real life.  She was only barely a teenager when someone convinced her to that she would be more well liked if she "Flashed".  Those pictures were later used by an adult male.  Of course...then her peers got into it.  She was moved around, changed schools but...the internet follows you everywhere.  She tried to kill herself by drinking bleach after being beaten and humiliated once again at school...that time she failed.  Wednesday...she did not.  She was 15yrs old.

I know it was a lot to read...and intense but, I was angry...and heartbroken.

Quoting Anonymous:

Wow that was a lot to read. Good grief. Yeah its sad



CountryLayne
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 9:11 PM
1 mom liked this

You know, I am completely ANTI- bullying. I was bullied as a child, and pretty bad too. It comes with being an overweight kid. However, in SOME cases, they do outgrow it. Well, maybe not so much outgrow it, but realize what they were doing was wrong.

I say this because right after my DD was born, I ran into one of the girls who bullied me the worst. I was terrified to see her, even 5 years after being out of school and not dealing with her. She said hello, and kicked up a conversation. I was in shock, honestly.

Then, a couple years ago, she found me on facebook. And she sent me a message... she was apologizing for the way she treated me when we were growing up. A few months ago, she and I talked, and she explained why she had acted the way she did. Turns out, she was being abused at home, and was angry that her mother wasn't doing anything about it. I then understood. No one was helping her, so she was acting out and taking it out on those who were less powerful than she was.

Yes, it is sad that another child has died at the hands of a bully. My point is, sometimes the impossible happens, and some DO realize they were wrong- even if it is years later.


SimpleComSense
by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 9:31 AM

I totally agree...and sometimes, it happens sooner than later!

My son was being bullied by 3 boys in his class. J was in a split class for "Gifted" learners starting in 3rd grade.  He should have been in the program from Kindergarten, he tested @ 98% but, because they already had enough "white" kids (yes, they said this to me but, worse yet...in front of him), he wasn't in the program. Every year they wanted him transfered but, J refused to test again. He said he was still "white", lol. But, a month into 3rd grade...they had no choice. He couldn't be sent to another class for reading and math...he was beyond the 6th grade level. So, he joined the split 3/4 class. The entire class had been together since Kindergarten and these boys, one grade ahead, resented J's joining their "group".  It didn't help that he was now also the most advanced kid in the class...

It wasn't name calling and teasing, although there was some, it was violent and physical. Pushing, hitting, pinching.  J was average height but, thin. He was strong for his height and body type but, we taught him to "walk away" if you can, defend yourself if you have to. But, three on one...how do you defend yourself?

My husband and I were up at the school everytime he came home with a bruise or mark. First, we tried the Teacher, who was trying very hard to deal with the other boys...then, it was with the Admin...and then, we started dragging in the other boy's parents. After three or four times of that...the violence stopped. The problems didn't but, the physical stuff did...until, the boys were again together for the 5/6 grade split. We again started this around and around battle with the school, the teachers and the parents.  It went on all year and ended when one day, my husband got off early from work and decided to pick J up from school...

James turned the corner that led up to the school and saw a large group of children in a ring in the middle of the street.  He stopped the car and ran up to see what was holding their attention.  As he approuched...the crowd parted and all he could see was the bottom of a pair of sneakers that he recognized and two boys holding down my son's arms while another sat on his chest strangling him. My son's face was purple...My husband grabbed the boy on his chest and threw him about six feet into someone's yard...the other two boys ran.  James picked J up, put him in the car and drove directly to the school. The next day, the Principal, the teacher, my son and husband, the boys and their parents and two police officers had a little chat...the boys were suspended, the parents were warned about prosecution and fines and that was the end of it for the year.

The following year, J was in 6th and the boys had moved on to Jr. High.  In January, J was 5'0" and 95lbs. In June...he was 5'8" and 160lbs. When he started Jr. High...he looked like he was 16 or 17yrs old. He had long, black hair, shaved underneath...a mustache and goatee and he was nothing but muscle. He looked like something off a heavy metal poster. Growth spurts...gotta love em', lol.

The first day of school, J was standing at his locker and a young man approuched him and struck up a conversation. "Hey, wanna hang out?" "Saw you in my classes, dude...my friends and I are going to hang out at my house..." J closed his locker and looked at the kid...and he said "You have no clue who I am...do you?" "You remember the kid you harrassed and bullied all thru grade school?...do you remember ME?"..."I remember you...you sat on my chest and I thougt I was going to die"..."I don't look like the same kids now...do I?" J said he had NEVER seen someone look so frightened.  He could have broken this kid in two...but, he didn't.  He said..."Apologize and all is forgotten...apologize and I will forgive you." He and the other two boys did and 17yrs later...they still talk. I guarantee, those boys never bullied another kid again and they now have boys...and they don't put up with it from them...circle broken.

Do I believe children can change? Yes.  Do I believe that they can go on to be bullying adults...absolutely.  It's all in the kid and the intervention that is provided. There is always a reason a child is a bully.  My point is...we need to find it and fix it...before it's too late.

Quoting CountryLayne:

You know, I am completely ANTI- bullying. I was bullied as a child, and pretty bad too. It comes with being an overweight kid. However, in SOME cases, they do outgrow it. Well, maybe not so much outgrow it, but realize what they were doing was wrong.

I say this because right after my DD was born, I ran into one of the girls who bullied me the worst. I was terrified to see her, even 5 years after being out of school and not dealing with her. She said hello, and kicked up a conversation. I was in shock, honestly.

Then, a couple years ago, she found me on facebook. And she sent me a message... she was apologizing for the way she treated me when we were growing up. A few months ago, she and I talked, and she explained why she had acted the way she did. Turns out, she was being abused at home, and was angry that her mother wasn't doing anything about it. I then understood. No one was helping her, so she was acting out and taking it out on those who were less powerful than she was.

Yes, it is sad that another child has died at the hands of a bully. My point is, sometimes the impossible happens, and some DO realize they were wrong- even if it is years later.


CountryLayne
by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 11:09 AM

At least there was a change before they grew up. The one I dealt with didn't change until after she had a child of her own. Then something inside her realized that bullying was wrong. I'm glad that your son's bullies made a change for the better, I just hope others can do the same...

Quoting SimpleComSense:

I totally agree...and sometimes, it happens sooner than later!

My son was being bullied by 3 boys in his class. J was in a split class for "Gifted" learners starting in 3rd grade.  He should have been in the program from Kindergarten, he tested @ 98% but, because they already had enough "white" kids (yes, they said this to me but, worse yet...in front of him), he wasn't in the program. Every year they wanted him transfered but, J refused to test again. He said he was still "white", lol. But, a month into 3rd grade...they had no choice. He couldn't be sent to another class for reading and math...he was beyond the 6th grade level. So, he joined the split 3/4 class. The entire class had been together since Kindergarten and these boys, one grade ahead, resented J's joining their "group".  It didn't help that he was now also the most advanced kid in the class...

It wasn't name calling and teasing, although there was some, it was violent and physical. Pushing, hitting, pinching.  J was average height but, thin. He was strong for his height and body type but, we taught him to "walk away" if you can, defend yourself if you have to. But, three on one...how do you defend yourself?

My husband and I were up at the school everytime he came home with a bruise or mark. First, we tried the Teacher, who was trying very hard to deal with the other boys...then, it was with the Admin...and then, we started dragging in the other boy's parents. After three or four times of that...the violence stopped. The problems didn't but, the physical stuff did...until, the boys were again together for the 5/6 grade split. We again started this around and around battle with the school, the teachers and the parents.  It went on all year and ended when one day, my husband got off early from work and decided to pick J up from school...

James turned the corner that led up to the school and saw a large group of children in a ring in the middle of the street.  He stopped the car and ran up to see what was holding their attention.  As he approuched...the crowd parted and all he could see was the bottom of a pair of sneakers that he recognized and two boys holding down my son's arms while another sat on his chest strangling him. My son's face was purple...My husband grabbed the boy on his chest and threw him about six feet into someone's yard...the other two boys ran.  James picked J up, put him in the car and drove directly to the school. The next day, the Principal, the teacher, my son and husband, the boys and their parents and two police officers had a little chat...the boys were suspended, the parents were warned about prosecution and fines and that was the end of it for the year.

The following year, J was in 6th and the boys had moved on to Jr. High.  In January, J was 5'0" and 95lbs. In June...he was 5'8" and 160lbs. When he started Jr. High...he looked like he was 16 or 17yrs old. He had long, black hair, shaved underneath...a mustache and goatee and he was nothing but muscle. He looked like something off a heavy metal poster. Growth spurts...gotta love em', lol.

The first day of school, J was standing at his locker and a young man approuched him and struck up a conversation. "Hey, wanna hang out?" "Saw you in my classes, dude...my friends and I are going to hang out at my house..." J closed his locker and looked at the kid...and he said "You have no clue who I am...do you?" "You remember the kid you harrassed and bullied all thru grade school?...do you remember ME?"..."I remember you...you sat on my chest and I thougt I was going to die"..."I don't look like the same kids now...do I?" J said he had NEVER seen someone look so frightened.  He could have broken this kid in two...but, he didn't.  He said..."Apologize and all is forgotten...apologize and I will forgive you." He and the other two boys did and 17yrs later...they still talk. I guarantee, those boys never bullied another kid again and they now have boys...and they don't put up with it from them...circle broken.

Do I believe children can change? Yes.  Do I believe that they can go on to be bullying adults...absolutely.  It's all in the kid and the intervention that is provided. There is always a reason a child is a bully.  My point is...we need to find it and fix it...before it's too late.

Quoting CountryLayne:

You know, I am completely ANTI- bullying. I was bullied as a child, and pretty bad too. It comes with being an overweight kid. However, in SOME cases, they do outgrow it. Well, maybe not so much outgrow it, but realize what they were doing was wrong.

I say this because right after my DD was born, I ran into one of the girls who bullied me the worst. I was terrified to see her, even 5 years after being out of school and not dealing with her. She said hello, and kicked up a conversation. I was in shock, honestly.

Then, a couple years ago, she found me on facebook. And she sent me a message... she was apologizing for the way she treated me when we were growing up. A few months ago, she and I talked, and she explained why she had acted the way she did. Turns out, she was being abused at home, and was angry that her mother wasn't doing anything about it. I then understood. No one was helping her, so she was acting out and taking it out on those who were less powerful than she was.

Yes, it is sad that another child has died at the hands of a bully. My point is, sometimes the impossible happens, and some DO realize they were wrong- even if it is years later.




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