how

[Anonymous]

I regret my marriage. It was marriage in haste. I knew i wasnt ready yet. We barely knew each other. He just got divorced 3 months prior to that. I just met him 6 months before our marriage. Why did i give in to the pressure of marrying too soon. Why did i marry him before meeting his kids and exwife first. I never thought being a second wife will bother me.. I didnt know how to love my stepkids nor if i have the ability to love them at all.. Its a bitter pill to come second.. I didnt know id feel this way. And now i know what i want..i couldnt reach it anymore. I didnt know hes alcoholic.. That he smokes too much.. Curses too much.. A racist.. Controlling and very manipulative. I feel so awful.. Im torn between staying in this unhappy marriage or leaving..but we have kids together.. Im tired of thinking.. Part of me wants to stay and give it a chance but part of me wants to leave and find myself that has gotten lost after our marriage. I feel angry at myself. I cant forgive myself for being so stupid.. Its almost 4 years.. Of unhappiness.. Silence.. Isolation... Were strangers to each other. Im just waiting for something to break... Instead im living like a zombie.. So tired of thinking.. Feeling... Feels like going in a circle...

[Anonymous]

 if you knew....why did you say "I do"?   sorry but this is why kids are growing up in divorced families who are not happy...and "PRESSURE" is one thing...One thing I have to deal with at work to ensure I get my job done...  "Pressure" to marry....I guess my ignorance in this bucket is why I don't tolorate crap like this.

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

It was pressure either i go pursue my dream in another state or him... Back then i was in the heights of inlove moment..

Quoting Anonymous:

 if you knew....why did you say "I do"?   sorry but this is why kids are growing up in divorced families who are not happy...and "PRESSURE" is one thing...One thing I have to deal with at work to ensure I get my job done...  "Pressure" to marry....I guess my ignorance in this bucket is why I don't tolorate crap like this.

[Anonymous]

 how can someone mistake pressure for love? Big Ass Difference

Quoting Anonymous:

It was pressure either i go pursue my dream in another state or him... Back then i was in the heights of inlove moment..

Quoting Anonymous:

 if you knew....why did you say "I do"?   sorry but this is why kids are growing up in divorced families who are not happy...and "PRESSURE" is one thing...One thing I have to deal with at work to ensure I get my job done...  "Pressure" to marry....I guess my ignorance in this bucket is why I don't tolorate crap like this.

 

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

I know i was stupid.. We were dating and having fun.. He was sweet and really nice all the time we were dating.. He said he didnt want to lose me.. I was undecided.. But stupidly allowed my emotions to muddle my head.why oh why... I want to bang my head against the wall.

Quoting Anonymous:

 how can someone mistake pressure for love? Big Ass Difference

Quoting Anonymous:

It was pressure either i go pursue my dream in another state or him... Back then i was in the heights of inlove moment..

Quoting Anonymous:

 if you knew....why did you say "I do"?   sorry but this is why kids are growing up in divorced families who are not happy...and "PRESSURE" is one thing...One thing I have to deal with at work to ensure I get my job done...  "Pressure" to marry....I guess my ignorance in this bucket is why I don't tolorate crap like this.

 

[Its.me.Sam.]

this is sad.  what is stopping you from ending it?
 

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

Our kids.. They love daddy so much even if he doesnt pay attention to them. Hes a broken man.. Three kids with 3 different women.. One is abandoned.. The other one he gave up and let go.. The 3rd one he loves the most.. His always outside.. Always by himself.. Mind is somewhere else.. Our 3yo and 1yo babies want to spend time with him but he shuts the door to them... I feel guilty.. Whichever way i go.. Whatever i decide to do..our children will suffer... I didnt know hes a broken mam

Quoting Its.me.Sam.:

this is sad.  what is stopping you from ending it?
 

[Its.me.Sam.]

the you need ot hear me say this.. your staying in a marriage that is unhappy is HURTING them.  
IF you feel like you may be able to salvage this then go to counseling and put in the work.  if you truly feel like its too much and at a dead end..then get out.  you will be happier and that will make you healthier and a better mom.  HE will be happier and healthier and that will make him a better dad.  and you KIDS will see two happier healthier parents who could acknowledge that being together just wasnt fair for anyone. 
they will be better for it... you know the saying... its better to come FROM a broken home than live IN a broken home.   plus - do you want them to get into relationships and stay in them..or do you want ot model what healthy love is..what a healthy relationship is.  kids suffer so much more when their parents are miserable together than if they are happy and apart.

Quoting Anonymous:

Our kids.. They love daddy so much even if he doesnt pay attention to them. Hes a broken man.. Three kids with 3 different women.. One is abandoned.. The other one he gave up and let go.. The 3rd one he loves the most.. His always outside.. Always by himself.. Mind is somewhere else.. Our 3yo and 1yo babies want to spend time with him but he shuts the door to them... I feel guilty.. Whichever way i go.. Whatever i decide to do..our children will suffer... I didnt know hes a broken mam

Quoting Its.me.Sam.:

this is sad.  what is stopping you from ending it?
 

[sweettigeress]

Ok.

[EireLass]

Tell him, or write him, all that you've said here. Offer to give it one last go, if he is willing to change his bad habits. But you also will hear him tell you the awful things about yourself.

[twistandshout]

 alcoholics do not change, Things just get worse. You entered  in to this marriage with little to no thought. Sounds like the man has ALOT of baggage that you don't need in your life. And I am not talking about all of the children cause I love children. You did not created the baggage and you should not have to suffer because of it. Hun, life it way to short to live it unhappy. I would get out of this situation if I were you. Your children will be a lot happier to see Ma happy. Run don't walk to the court house. It is in the best interest of all involved. Hugs to you and your children.