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The Cafe The Cafe

Deep Sighs and Confusion

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

 A baby is supposed to make a couple grow stronger, right? But nobody anticipates baby blues or lack of passion between you and your lover?

That is what I'm feeling right now. I love my daughter and God knows I do not regret having her in my life at all. But as my life has been accustomed to change with no mercy, I feel my husband's life remains the same- except for occasionally making late night trips to get the baby what she needs or going to work to support 2 others besides himself. I love my husband for doing what he does. He doesn't always help out with diaper changes and feedings though.

We haven't been having the most sex. And we do have time whenever our 2 month old daughter falls asleep (she's almost sleeping through the night). Instead of intimacy, he plays online with friends. I never minded it before, but I hate to be the one to initiate things- even our 1st date night where we had sex once the whole time :( I was expecting more. We've only had sex twice this month so far. And it's beginning to feel routine to me. We always have sex in bed- but I crave the urge to be more spontaneous. Before we married, he shared some of his sexual experiences he had with his past lovers (believe me, I didn't want to know), but now that I know, I feel like our sex life is so... dull compared to what he's done before.

Our sex life has decreased but I've checked the browser history on his laptop, and I see he's been watching porn this past week. Not just one site, but many. I know I already feel unattractive, but why can't he just wake me up and initiate something rather than wait til he's done playing online to see porn and masturbate?

Then to top it all off, I am embarrassed to admit I'm 22 and do not have my license or car yet. So... I'm stuck at home all the time :( Meanwhile his life goes on. He goes to work, hangs out with friends at midnight releases for video games, watches porn, plays with his friends online almost every night. And here I am, feeling like I am on lock down with the baby. Don't get me wrong at all. I absolutely love my daughter, but if I had a car, license, and money (no job since I've had her), I'd be going to parks and clubs to meet other mothers. Plus the lack of sex has me cranky

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 14, 2012 at 1:25 PM
Replies (11-14):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 17, 2012 at 1:06 PM
Well obviously you never met the ones who ride the bus or their bikes to school
Refer to an earlier post: I KNOW how to drive. I can parallel park, drive the freeway, I KNOW traffic laws. Its not like I do not even know how to start a car. Unlike most people I got my permit in 1 try
Sarafinn2012
by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 1:35 PM

I know exactly how you feel. I'm 32, been married for 8 years. We have 4 kids. Our youngest is almost 3 months old, a boy YAY! (we have 3 girls who are 9,7 and 5). We only have one vehicle, which he has most the time. We don't have sex very often either. Up until baby was born and always in the past it was atleast twice a week. Now baby is 11 weeks old and we've only had sex twice, that I initiated. He spends most of his time on his Ipad playing stupid games. He gets up during the night a few days a week, because I get up at 7 am with the kids to get them ready for school. He doesn't seem like he wants to hold the baby very much, and puts off picking him up when he is home. It is frustrating and confusing for me. I try to talk to him about it, but he just says hes not good at sharing his feelings. The couple times he has tried to initiate sex, he makes comments like "nice tits, i just wanna suck em." Come on! Where's the romance? One night last week I actually said to him "romance, google it, try it some time". (we were joking around, and I don't think he took me as seriously as I meant it) he says to me "What, I lit candles?" (there were candles burning on the stove...oh how romantic!) Last night I was touching him and he didn't seem the least bit interested. It makes me suspicious because we've always had a huge appetite for sex...so how is he satisfying his urges?? Grrr... I can completely relate to you. Sorry men are assholes. :( BOO!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 17, 2012 at 1:43 PM
Glad to feel I am not alone. Ugh situations like this do suck at times.
But we've had sex a few more times. I initiated one night and he the other
We'll hang in there

Quoting Sarafinn2012:

I know exactly how you feel. I'm 32, been married for 8 years. We have 4 kids. Our youngest is almost 3 months old, a boy YAY! (we have 3 girls who are 9,7 and 5). We only have one vehicle, which he has most the time. We don't have sex very often either. Up until baby was born and always in the past it was atleast twice a week. Now baby is 11 weeks old and we've only had sex twice, that I initiated. He spends most of his time on his Ipad playing stupid games. He gets up during the night a few days a week, because I get up at 7 am with the kids to get them ready for school. He doesn't seem like he wants to hold the baby very much, and puts off picking him up when he is home. It is frustrating and confusing for me. I try to talk to him about it, but he just says hes not good at sharing his feelings. The couple times he has tried to initiate sex, he makes comments like "nice tits, i just wanna suck em." Come on! Where's the romance? One night last week I actually said to him "romance, google it, try it some time". (we were joking around, and I don't think he took me as seriously as I meant it) he says to me "What, I lit candles?" (there were candles burning on the stove...oh how romantic!) Last night I was touching him and he didn't seem the least bit interested. It makes me suspicious because we've always had a huge appetite for sex...so how is he satisfying his urges?? Grrr... I can completely relate to you. Sorry men are assholes. :( BOO!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 17, 2012 at 8:01 PM

Babies do not usually strengthen relationships.  They are a tremendous amount of work.  Parents who are sleep deprived and trying to figure out how to fit this tiny little being into their world, often find that their relationship becomes strained. 

I also do not know anyone who waited longer than 18 to get a license.  Most people need to drive to be able to work and get to school or anywhere else.  It's not really an option, it is a necessity.  You are at an extreme disadvantage not being able to drive. 

You are 22.  You have not had time to live and figure yourself out.  Now you are a parent and are responsible for someone else.  You really should have thought through how you would get around and manage after having the baby, before having the baby.  You need to get yourself together without complaining that your husband still has a life.  You do too, just different from his.

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