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Dads in Divorce

Posted by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 11:38 AM
  • 21 Replies

I know I am going to tick a lot off moms off, But It needs to be said.  

Maybe knowing a little more about some facts, Will change your perspective. 


It's a sad and common issue we have here in the United States. Over 50% of first marriages end in divorce.  Irreconcilable differences is listed as the main reason these couples are filing for divorce. "I'm just not happy." or "I don't love you anymore." is the common phrase heard between these dividing couples. It's a mutual separation. Or so the court papers say. 

So why are all benefits given to the women in the divorce, including majority custody of the children? Based on the reason given for the divorce, is this really the best solution for the children? Are fathers so expendable that a child doesn't need to spend just as much, if not more time with their dad than their mom? What has happened to the children of the past that have been subjected to this tearing away from their fathers? I have found that dads are more stable and more capable of raising children than single mothers are. 

A mother is seen as the sole emotional support of the children. She is looked on with sympathy, who would want to separate her from her children?

There are a few occasions when giving a mother full custody is necessary, such as a woman divorcing her abusive husband. Abuse is actually one of the least reasons for divorce in our nation. It seems like every women however screams that in their divorce, or they claim verbal abuse. Is this actually the case or is this a woman that was hurt and is lashing out in every way to take revenge on her husband? In a mutual divorce, the woman is just as much at fault for not being willing to work with her husband as he is for not fully understanding her.  Is a vengeful woman really the best parent for the children? Especially when her main goal is to get child support in order to take revenge on her soon to be ex? This is a woman that does not seek what's best for her children, but what makes her feel like she has gotten revenge by taking away his children and making him pay her for taking them. What is the best thing for the children?

It's critical that boys and girls have BOTH a male and female role model in their lives. The less of a role the father plays in his son or daughter's life, the more negative the psychological effects of divorce on the child will be. They will not only suffer in their childhood, but also many years into adulthood as well. Our society has undervalued the role of a father in a boy and girl's childhood years. A father (and a father alone) has SUCH a powerful impact on his children's lives that he can choose to create an emotionally secure, productive adult or a troubled adult with a vast array of habits and insecurities. Side note: Our society emphasizes how important a mother is to a child, but very few people acknowledge the father's role in the child's life. Let me tell you...the father is EVERYTHING. Fathers, (NOT mothers), determine whether a child will succeed or fail in life.

"As a result, a mother gives her children less attention, discipline and affection, but also MORE responsibilities...and MORE PRESSURE without even realizing it! This often leads to children becoming defiant and argumentative when they normally are not. These children become angry because they feel like they're trapped by the parent's demands, robbed of their separate identity and denied the care-free lifestyle of a child. Following divorce, children of a single mother are fifty percent more likely to develop health problems than two parent families." (Angel, Worobey, "Single Motherhood and Children's Health")

If you want to minimize the psychological effects of divorce on your children, you and your spouse must attempt to meet their basic needs at all times. Children need to be nurtured and cared for by both mother and father on equal amounts of time. "Children of divorce in a mother run home are tending to be under greater amounts of stress.  They are more likely to experience injury, asthma, headaches and speech defects than children whose parents have remained married." (Dawson, "Family Structure and Children's Health and Well Being" National Health Interview Survey on Child Health, Journal of Marriage and the Family)

Fathers have an incalculable impact on their daughters. Most psychologists believe that all future romantic relationships are influenced positively or negatively by the way a girl interacts with her dad in the childhood years. When the Father is removed from the home due to a divorce, the daughter will seek out a more permanent masculine roll in her life. Subsequently, you will have 13 and 14 year old girls losing their virginity, becoming pregnant and finding themselves in troubling situations. When a girl does not have what she needs from her father, she will seek out a male role model elsewhere. "A Child in a female-headed home is 10 times more likely to be beaten or murdered." (The Legal Beagle, July 1984, from "The Garbage Generation")

 Judges, I beg you to listen. In a divorce, if the parents live in the same area, full custody to one parent and visitations to the other should not ever be an option. In this case, fifty percent custody is the best solution for the children. Forcing one parent out is alienating them from the child/children; this can send the child/children into massive psychological disorders now and on through their entire adulthood.

In the event that a custody case returns, please beware of these massive signs of emotional and psychological child abuse among divorcing moms.  The mother, a family member, or friend of the mother is directly responsible for repeated false or exaggerated reports to Child Protective Services (CPS) is evidence that the children are in constant manipulation from their mother.  The mother is subjecting the children to either flat our or sly suggestive slander against the father. This is becoming more and more the case, in today's single mother homes are children being subjected to this Parental Alienation. Parental Alienation is a new found form of child abuse. (http://www.paawareness.org/) and (http://www.divorcingmistakes.com/articles/PASreview.pdf) Children Subjected to it suffer long term effects mentally. Signs of such abuse are also, weight gain, poor grades or roller coaster grades, confusion, uncontrolled lying and anger issues. Children living in this environment may seek to cause problems for the alienated parent as a way of seeking to please their mother. If this is the case, the child/Children need to be separated from this behavior immediately. For the mother and the children counseling is a must.

Divorce is a hard thing to accept for children. Don't make it harder by excluding dad or limiting his time. He is just as important as the mother. Please help stop Parental Alienation. Give fathers equal time for those that want equal time. Child support should be reserved for those cases where a father does not want equal time. Fathers have rights too, and our children desperately need them.

 


by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 11:38 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Reina13
by Member on Nov. 17, 2012 at 10:42 AM
2 moms liked this

Good article. Bears thinking about.

Thanks for posting.


CountryLayne
by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 10:46 AM

Hmmm... interesting concept, but not always true in all cases. Sometimes, the children are better off without the "father". Sometimes it is important to alienate the children from said parental figure.


SunnyJoJo
by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 12:26 PM
1 mom liked this

 I think it had talked about abuse, but I also wanted to add to this that alot of men alienate themselves in a divorce. The thought that the mother will just care for the children so he can come and go as he pleases is still very much alive.
The father isn't EVERYTHING. Neither is the mother. Positive, strong, easily accessed role models of both sexes is everything.
And custody isn't just handed over automatically to the mother, although it's a common thought, the father in the divorcing couple before my divorce hearing was awarded full custody/no visitation.  People need to stand up for themselves and their children, not just say "oh she's the mom they will give her custody" and not fight at all.

I do agree though that vindictive parents do more harm and that it's wrong to cut out a father who genuinely wants to be involved and is capable of caring for said child. 

Quoting CountryLayne:

Hmmm... interesting concept, but not always true in all cases. Sometimes, the children are better off without the "father". Sometimes it is important to alienate the children from said parental figure.

 

Luvmybooskies
by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 1:10 PM
1 mom liked this

I agree. It's actually weird because my hubby has a few friends who have sole custody of their children. Now that you don't see too often.

motherslove82
by Member on Nov. 17, 2012 at 1:19 PM
I agree that parents should have equal time. However the premise that these women are bitter and angry and just want to take a man's children and force him to pay is stupid.
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WithHope
by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 4:56 PM
I agree both parties should stay involved but generally disapprove of split custody, as it results in no consistency. At all ages routine is important and that can't be easily obtained between two households. Good communication and amicable relationships are key, to me the rest is details.
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danityjo
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 9:11 PM

it is Stupid, but yet Sad that i have been involved in multiple cases where it is true. in my area alone Majority of the children are going through the issues stated in the bottom of the article. All of which have come to the conclusion that the mom is the one causing the problems. i wish it was not true. i really do.

Quoting motherslove82:

I agree that parents should have equal time. However the premise that these women are bitter and angry and just want to take a man's children and force him to pay is stupid.


motherslove82
by Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 9:14 PM
I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but a man should help support his child. They made the child together and the child deserves support from both parents.

Quoting danityjo:

it is Stupid, but yet Sad that i have been envolved in multipal cases where it is true. in my area alone Majoraty of the childern are going through the issues stated in the bottom of the artical. All of wich have come to the conclusion that the mom is the one causing the problems. i wish it was not true. i really do.


Quoting motherslove82:

I agree that parents should have equal time. However the premise that these women are bitter and angry and just want to take a man's children and force him to pay is stupid.


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
danityjo
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 9:39 PM

yes. he should. he also should. therefore the father needs to be with his children. 

Unless you are going off of a personal issue?

Quoting motherslove82:

I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but a man should help support his child. They made the child together and the child deserves support from both parents.

Quoting danityjo:

it is Stupid, but yet Sad that i have been envolved in multipal cases where it is true. in my area alone Majoraty of the childern are going through the issues stated in the bottom of the artical. All of wich have come to the conclusion that the mom is the one causing the problems. i wish it was not true. i really do.


Quoting motherslove82:

I agree that parents should have equal time. However the premise that these women are bitter and angry and just want to take a man's children and force him to pay is stupid.



annjsims
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 9:55 PM

 You have a good point, and when talking with others over the net, I find that different areas have a different mind set when it comes to divorce. Now this article was written due to events in MY area. Where many fathers that would FIGHT to see their kids are denied and screwed by the justice system. 

Also please notice i HAD mentioned that the judges FIRST response should be 50/50 custody. 

Quoting SunnyJoJo:

 I think it had talked about abuse, but I also wanted to add to this that alot of men alienate themselves in a divorce. The thought that the mother will just care for the children so he can come and go as he pleases is still very much alive.
The father isn't EVERYTHING. Neither is the mother. Positive, strong, easily accessed role models of both sexes is everything.
And custody isn't just handed over automatically to the mother, although it's a common thought, the father in the divorcing couple before my divorce hearing was awarded full custody/no visitation.  People need to stand up for themselves and their children, not just say "oh she's the mom they will give her custody" and not fight at all.

I do agree though that vindictive parents do more harm and that it's wrong to cut out a father who genuinely wants to be involved and is capable of caring for said child. 

Quoting CountryLayne:

Hmmm... interesting concept, but not always true in all cases. Sometimes, the children are better off without the "father". Sometimes it is important to alienate the children from said parental figure.

 


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