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The Cafe The Cafe

I know I am going to tick a lot off moms off, But It needs to be said.  

Maybe knowing a little more about some facts, Will change your perspective. 


It's a sad and common issue we have here in the United States. Over 50% of first marriages end in divorce.  Irreconcilable differences is listed as the main reason these couples are filing for divorce. "I'm just not happy." or "I don't love you anymore." is the common phrase heard between these dividing couples. It's a mutual separation. Or so the court papers say. 

So why are all benefits given to the women in the divorce, including majority custody of the children? Based on the reason given for the divorce, is this really the best solution for the children? Are fathers so expendable that a child doesn't need to spend just as much, if not more time with their dad than their mom? What has happened to the children of the past that have been subjected to this tearing away from their fathers? I have found that dads are more stable and more capable of raising children than single mothers are. 

A mother is seen as the sole emotional support of the children. She is looked on with sympathy, who would want to separate her from her children?

There are a few occasions when giving a mother full custody is necessary, such as a woman divorcing her abusive husband. Abuse is actually one of the least reasons for divorce in our nation. It seems like every women however screams that in their divorce, or they claim verbal abuse. Is this actually the case or is this a woman that was hurt and is lashing out in every way to take revenge on her husband? In a mutual divorce, the woman is just as much at fault for not being willing to work with her husband as he is for not fully understanding her.  Is a vengeful woman really the best parent for the children? Especially when her main goal is to get child support in order to take revenge on her soon to be ex? This is a woman that does not seek what's best for her children, but what makes her feel like she has gotten revenge by taking away his children and making him pay her for taking them. What is the best thing for the children?

It's critical that boys and girls have BOTH a male and female role model in their lives. The less of a role the father plays in his son or daughter's life, the more negative the psychological effects of divorce on the child will be. They will not only suffer in their childhood, but also many years into adulthood as well. Our society has undervalued the role of a father in a boy and girl's childhood years. A father (and a father alone) has SUCH a powerful impact on his children's lives that he can choose to create an emotionally secure, productive adult or a troubled adult with a vast array of habits and insecurities. Side note: Our society emphasizes how important a mother is to a child, but very few people acknowledge the father's role in the child's life. Let me tell you...the father is EVERYTHING. Fathers, (NOT mothers), determine whether a child will succeed or fail in life.

"As a result, a mother gives her children less attention, discipline and affection, but also MORE responsibilities...and MORE PRESSURE without even realizing it! This often leads to children becoming defiant and argumentative when they normally are not. These children become angry because they feel like they're trapped by the parent's demands, robbed of their separate identity and denied the care-free lifestyle of a child. Following divorce, children of a single mother are fifty percent more likely to develop health problems than two parent families." (Angel, Worobey, "Single Motherhood and Children's Health")

If you want to minimize the psychological effects of divorce on your children, you and your spouse must attempt to meet their basic needs at all times. Children need to be nurtured and cared for by both mother and father on equal amounts of time. "Children of divorce in a mother run home are tending to be under greater amounts of stress.  They are more likely to experience injury, asthma, headaches and speech defects than children whose parents have remained married." (Dawson, "Family Structure and Children's Health and Well Being" National Health Interview Survey on Child Health, Journal of Marriage and the Family)

Fathers have an incalculable impact on their daughters. Most psychologists believe that all future romantic relationships are influenced positively or negatively by the way a girl interacts with her dad in the childhood years. When the Father is removed from the home due to a divorce, the daughter will seek out a more permanent masculine roll in her life. Subsequently, you will have 13 and 14 year old girls losing their virginity, becoming pregnant and finding themselves in troubling situations. When a girl does not have what she needs from her father, she will seek out a male role model elsewhere. "A Child in a female-headed home is 10 times more likely to be beaten or murdered." (The Legal Beagle, July 1984, from "The Garbage Generation")

 Judges, I beg you to listen. In a divorce, if the parents live in the same area, full custody to one parent and visitations to the other should not ever be an option. In this case, fifty percent custody is the best solution for the children. Forcing one parent out is alienating them from the child/children; this can send the child/children into massive psychological disorders now and on through their entire adulthood.

In the event that a custody case returns, please beware of these massive signs of emotional and psychological child abuse among divorcing moms.  The mother, a family member, or friend of the mother is directly responsible for repeated false or exaggerated reports to Child Protective Services (CPS) is evidence that the children are in constant manipulation from their mother.  The mother is subjecting the children to either flat our or sly suggestive slander against the father. This is becoming more and more the case, in today's single mother homes are children being subjected to this Parental Alienation. Parental Alienation is a new found form of child abuse. (http://www.paawareness.org/) and (http://www.divorcingmistakes.com/articles/PASreview.pdf) Children Subjected to it suffer long term effects mentally. Signs of such abuse are also, weight gain, poor grades or roller coaster grades, confusion, uncontrolled lying and anger issues. Children living in this environment may seek to cause problems for the alienated parent as a way of seeking to please their mother. If this is the case, the child/Children need to be separated from this behavior immediately. For the mother and the children counseling is a must.

Divorce is a hard thing to accept for children. Don't make it harder by excluding dad or limiting his time. He is just as important as the mother. Please help stop Parental Alienation. Give fathers equal time for those that want equal time. Child support should be reserved for those cases where a father does not want equal time. Fathers have rights too, and our children desperately need them.

 


by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 11:38 AM
Replies (21-21):
danityjo
by on Nov. 21, 2012 at 12:48 PM

ohh, i do understand. my ex never even showed up for court to for the child custody or divorce. i have not kept the girls away from him. he is just to lazy to care. if it was not for the fact I'm friends with his mom and that she would pay for the girls to visit her, Then he wouyld have never met his youngest daughter. So I can relate. I don't even care if I get child support or not from him.  the less i have to deal with him i guess. 

Quoting jedwards2009:

I have full physical custody of dd. BUT her father has an open invitation to come see her and get her whenever he wants. I have never told him he can't have her or see her. He usually comes over a few nights a week and plays with her (she's three) and he takes her about one night a week. I would rather him see her every day. But its his choice...


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