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The Cafe The Cafe

Not really sure what to do anymore.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 29 Replies

First off, I'm posting this anonymously because even in my head I sound stupid for allowing this.

My husband L has been hanging with his manager Drake and his wife Kay for awhile now. L said this was originally because he wanted to play video games at Drake's house and that's how he met Kay. Kay is a mentally delayed 26 year old mother of a 6 month old boy. L invited them to our house to hang out while I was at work. I had no problem with this. Tuesday was the first day. When I came home from work, L was playing the PS3, Drake was on his phone, and Kay was watching the game on tv. I had to leave right back out so I grabbed my oldest and baby and left. When I came back home, Drake and Kay were still there at 11pm. I went to bed and woke up the next morning. Drake and Kay were sleep on our futon. I carried on my normal routine and went to work at noon. On Thursday, L brought Kay home after he got off work at 2 am. I handed the baby to him so I could get some sleep and go to work Friday. When I got home friday, the front of the house was dark and quiet. Kay's baby was sleep on the floor. Kay came out of my room with her shirt on inside out. I went into my room and my baby was on L's chest and he only had his underwear on. So he got up and went to work and took Kay home. When he got home from work around 1:30am I asked him about her. That's when he told me some shocking things. 1. The reason he stopped going to thier house to hang out (something he's been doing since the baby was 2 weeks old) is because while he was playing games on thier XBOX 360 Kay started masturbating on the couch, while Drake was across the room playing on his phone. 2. Kay sent him pictures of herself topless and Drake took the pictures. 3. Kay ate some M&Ms out of L's bellybutton and texted him saying he liked it and she took his virginity (of that happening to him). And 4. When I came home and Kay was in my room, she was watching my baby while he took a nap before work, but brought my baby back to him topless. So when she heard the door, she quickly put her shirt back on.

Now looking at the text messages, it is clearly obvious L was flirting with her. He said he was joking and didn't think she would take what he was saying seriously. Yesterday, my brother was over playing games with L. Kay was texting L asking to come over. So I picked her up and brought her to my house. so L and Kay was sitting on the couch and she was snuggled up with L and fell asleep with her head on his lap. When my brother was leaving at 4 am in the morning, he looked confused. I shrugged my shoulders and then he left. So now that my brother saw this, he is a witness to this. I don't know what to do about this. It's basically flirting taken too far with a mentally impaired person. I think in her mind she really likes my husband, even though she's married and of course he's married. Her husband doesn't care about her anymore also. I tried explaining to L that you can't joke with someone like that because stuff like this happens. But I feel like an idiot because I went to work with a woman in my house with my husband (even though there were 4 kids there).

How do you make of this. And as I said before, I'm not a troll trying to incite people, and yes I do aknowledge I must be stupid for allowing this to happen for this week.

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 18, 2012 at 3:57 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 18, 2012 at 4:00 PM
Um wow. I wouldn't be having Drake and Kay at my house anymore or allowing DH to their house. Boundaries are being crossed left and right.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 18, 2012 at 5:02 PM

 That was my first thought. Cutting connection off. The problem is Drake is my Dh's manager and Drake lives across the street from the job. It's my understanding that Drake only married Kay because she was pregnant and really doesn't care about her, leaving her in the house home alone all of the time with the baby. It's obvious she is suffering with PPD because she will play with my kids (1mo, 3, and 6) but leave her son on the floor sleep. If he wakes up, she puts him back to sleep on the floor in a portable crib. She even accidently kicks him in the head and never checks if he's ok. They also know where we live. I've had problems with stalkers in the past, and the only way to get rid of them is to move. I don't have the money to move and we are in a lease.

Quoting Anonymous:

Um wow. I wouldn't be having Drake and Kay at my house anymore or allowing DH to their house. Boundaries are being crossed left and right.

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 18, 2012 at 5:20 PM
The fact that drake is dh's manager makes the behavior even more innapropriate. I would tell DH to tell L everything his wife had been doing and explain that their (dh and L's) relationhip needs to be confined to the workplace to avoid anything further. Dh really needs to stop text flirting with Kay too.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 18, 2012 at 5:42 PM

 Um.. Dh is L. Dh did tell Drake everything, hence Drake took the picture of Kay topless for her to send to DH. That's what makes this confusing. Dh and I were swinging for a while (less than a year) and that really was just couples to themselves while being in the same room. DH asked if they were into things like that and Drake said no.

Quoting Anonymous:

The fact that drake is dh's manager makes the behavior even more innapropriate. I would tell DH to tell L everything his wife had been doing and explain that their (dh and L's) relationhip needs to be confined to the workplace to avoid anything further. Dh really needs to stop text flirting with Kay too.

 

zanderNerynMOM
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 6:07 PM

Yes all boundaries have been crossed. First of all the husband is more at fault than anyone here in my opinion. He doesn't need to be snuggling with anyone but you. He needs to sit down with her and tell her we are friends and that's all so she understands. Maybe you should be present as well as her husband, does he know about all this that's been going on???

uno-knowme
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 6:40 PM

Wow this is tuff!! maybe because you have swinged before "dh" feels too comftrouble with them! you should tell him how much it bothers you and he needs to pick "marriage" over "crazy friendship"!! stand up for yourself, think how bad it could get if you don't, think about your kids seeing all this

GertieK
by Silver Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 8:10 PM

Good grief - this is a no-brainer.  There is NOTHING appropriate about any of it.  I don't get there even being a question about any of it.  If your husband can do this as openly as he has with your full knowledge - you have a serious problem.  Both of you.  Somebody would be gone by now if I had to deal with it - either him or me, but one of us would have to go.  You are married, yet there really doesn't appear to be much of a commitment in there anywhere.  I cannot imagine having anything like that happen within my marriage.  We have much too much respect for each other.  You set your own boundaries and teach people how to treat you.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 18, 2012 at 8:29 PM

 The problem is I don't know how to act on this. I have the tendency to overreact to every situation. I would like to do this calmly, without knives or police involved (happened before). Also I know this girl is just looking for someone to care about her, and I would really feel bad if we just turn her away and tell her to stay away. She will be home alone again with no friends.

Quoting GertieK:

Good grief - this is a no-brainer.  There is NOTHING appropriate about any of it.  I don't get there even being a question about any of it.  If your husband can do this as openly as he has with your full knowledge - you have a serious problem.  Both of you.  Somebody would be gone by now if I had to deal with it - either him or me, but one of us would have to go.  You are married, yet there really doesn't appear to be much of a commitment in there anywhere.  I cannot imagine having anything like that happen within my marriage.  We have much too much respect for each other.  You set your own boundaries and teach people how to treat you.

 

GertieK
by Silver Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 8:52 PM
3 moms liked this

Wow...too much drama for me.  It wouldn't involve knives or cops.  I have a car, and a driver's license, and a job.  I honestly have the biggest problem with the idea that your husband even responded to her at all.  All his "explanations" sound like smoke up your skirt.  Had he reacted appropriately from the jump it wouldn't even be an issue.  Plus, with your past history of "swinging" no matter what it actually involved...well, that just adds a layer of disrespect for the marraige relationship too.  He sounds like he is acting in a way that follows the boundaries you established as a couple previously.  Just makes me very grateful for the man I married 39 years ago.  He can be an ass at times, but he would never allow that kind of situation to take root.  People have completely lost site of what marraige is, and this is a normal result of what happens when they do. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Nov. 19, 2012 at 11:00 PM

 I agree with the Ladies you need to get a grip on this and put a stop tp this. A.S.A.P. DH has no respect for you neither do your so called friends.

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