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The Cafe The Cafe

i guess i was wrong

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
I havent seen my family for almost 4 years and i badly miss them.unfortunately they cant afford to buy laptop so i promised ill swnd them one.husband keep saying we will send the spare desktop but we dont.then i asked if i can have the laprop with broken screen and have it fixed but he keep saying we wont send them the old broken laptop.i have personal savings and i decidedi to buy a cheap laptop.he seemes upset now. I dont asked much from him at all. Am i wrong for buying a laptop for my family so ican see them through webcam.My parents are 74 yo and had not seen their grandkids yet.. It breaks my heart i couldnt bring them to see their grandkids.too expensive.

Update..
Were still not talking mode. The thing is i cant wait any longer.. Four years.. He gets hs kids nice stuff.. Smart fon laptop...shes 11 and had expensive fon..had laptop.. Its ok..im happy he gets his daughter but when it comes to my family he gives me hard time
Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 24, 2012 at 5:17 PM
Replies (11-20):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 24, 2012 at 8:42 PM
I used to work until i had dd.we cant afford to send 2 toddlers to daycare. Right now sahm.but that money was what ive said for a long time as i have promised my family a laptop 3 years ago.


Quoting Tirednboredmom:

Absolutely not!  Stand your gournd.  If your relationship does not work, he will be gone. your parents are yours forever.


Do you work?  Or at you a stay at home mom?


This generally makes the difference, I know, I am going through something similar


 


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 24, 2012 at 9:06 PM
Tonight he went to bed early without talking to me.i know hes mad but i dont see why.i didnt ask money from him to help my family.


Quoting twistandshout:

 No, he is the one that is wrong. He ignored your request time after time and you waited and waited for him to do what he said he would do. cuto's to you for standing up for yourself. He would just have to be mad.


GertieK
by Silver Member on Nov. 25, 2012 at 11:08 AM
1 mom liked this

Ignore him, and do what you KNOW is right.  So what if he is mad.  He sounds like he has a serious control issue problem.  One of the ways the control is established is to cut off the connection between a woman and her family, who has been her emotional support.  Another is to take control of the finances, leaving you dependent on him.  You have both of those things going on.  My husband would not ever have considered keeping me from doing for my parents.  They are both gone now, but we always lived a distance from them.  For years they lived in Indonesia, so I can relate.  Respect for your parents is HUGE, and the regrets that will come if you do not do what you need to do to set up that communication with them are much more painful than his little childish snits and pouty silent treatment.  My husband tried giving the silent treatment for a while till he realized I was enjoying not hearing him yammer about something he was mad about!  It was like, "please, give me the silent treatment".  I wish to goodness I could have set my parents up on skype, but they were overseas WAY before computers were even around.  While we couldn't afford a ticket for me to go see them, when they moved back State-side, he bought me a new car so I would have a dependable way to travel to see them (1500 miles round trip).  They are your parents, who have loved you and cared for you from the second they laid eyes on you, and they NEED to see their grand kids and their grandkids need to see them.  Just out of curiosity, do you have friends close by for you to talk to?  Does he control other things that allow you to have a life outside of the family?

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 25, 2012 at 11:58 AM
I dont understand.he keep saying you need to keep intouch with your parents but then keep procrastinating. He gave me hard time when i said i want to take up cna so i went ahead and enrolled otherwise i would still be a housekeeper. He wants everything on his own time. When he feels like it or its convenient for him. Even the driving lesson.so i cant drive yet.


Quoting GertieK:

Ignore him, and do what you KNOW is right.  So what if he is mad.  He sounds like he has a serious control issue problem.  One of the ways the control is established is to cut off the connection between a woman and her family, who has been her emotional support.  Another is to take control of the finances, leaving you dependent on him.  You have both of those things going on.  My husband would not ever have considered keeping me from doing for my parents.  They are both gone now, but we always lived a distance from them.  For years they lived in Indonesia, so I can relate.  Respect for your parents is HUGE, and the regrets that will come if you do not do what you need to do to set up that communication with them are much more painful than his little childish snits and pouty silent treatment.  My husband tried giving the silent treatment for a while till he realized I was enjoying not hearing him yammer about something he was mad about!  It was like, "please, give me the silent treatment".  I wish to goodness I could have set my parents up on skype, but they were overseas WAY before computers were even around.  While we couldn't afford a ticket for me to go see them, when they moved back State-side, he bought me a new car so I would have a dependable way to travel to see them (1500 miles round trip).  They are your parents, who have loved you and cared for you from the second they laid eyes on you, and they NEED to see their grand kids and their grandkids need to see them.  Just out of curiosity, do you have friends close by for you to talk to?  Does he control other things that allow you to have a life outside of the family?


RLSMOM59
by New Member on Nov. 25, 2012 at 12:20 PM
2 moms liked this

You husband is a controller. Because your family is in a different counrty, he is really trying to keep you isolated. If you can get one this year do so. I know walmart has some for a little at $300. If you can't now try to find a store with lay-away. Can someone else help youpurchase and you pay them back? Jus throwing out option. Hope you get to talk (Skype) them soon.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 25, 2012 at 1:53 PM
Yes i bought one online.its 288.i had it delivered here then ill send it to my family.he was mad when he found out about it and thats why hes not talking to me.


Quoting RLSMOM59:

You husband is a controller. Because your family is in a different counrty, he is really trying to keep you isolated. If you can get one this year do so. I know walmart has some for a little at $300. If you can't now try to find a store with lay-away. Can someone else help youpurchase and you pay them back? Jus throwing out option. Hope you get to talk (Skype) them soon.


FLOWERPOWERSHER
by New Member on Nov. 25, 2012 at 2:57 PM
I
kbpegasus
by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 3:49 PM

Your dh needs to grow up!  Do not let him get away with this!  Your family is just as important as his.  My husband and I have been married for over thirty years.  I have kids and he has kids.  He would never deny me any kind of access to my family!  How selfish is he!  Do what you need to do to communicate with your family.

PacificNW1994
by New Member on Nov. 25, 2012 at 4:56 PM

You know, unfortunately your parents are not going to be around forever. To miss out on seeing their Grandbabies is horrible.  I am sorry but I think that your DH is just being selfish.  This is something that you  just need to do.  Your not asking for some luxury, senseless item.  This is family. Unless this is going to cause financial hardship, go for it.  Let him cut back on what he does for his kids and help you do this. I know, easier said than done. Good luck.

GertieK
by Silver Member on Nov. 25, 2012 at 7:06 PM
1 mom liked this

The only reason his temper tantrums are working is because you are letting them.  Let him pitch his fits.  Look at it this way, if he isn't talking to you...you don't have to listen to his crap.  enjoy the silence, and make it clear to him that it isn't bothering you.  He has a problem, and my fear is that this kind of thing tends to escalate into other stuff.  I hope he has never hurt you physically.... which is not uncommon for people like that.  You need to not only make sure you follow through with getting your parents set up with the computer, but you also need to work on and establish some good, close girl friends.  Do not allow him to continue to isolate you, because that gives him more control.  When all you have is him, he is able to control every aspect of your life.  While dedication to home, kids and family is wondeful.... having a connection to the world and friends and family is an extremely important part of a happy and fulfilling life.  I wouldn't trade all the tea in china for my girlfriends.  i love my husband, and he is wonderful... been married for almost 40 years... but it is my girlfriends who truly understand things from a woman's point of view.  If he tries to stop you from doing these things, you need to consider that there is a much more serious problem that is just starting to surface.

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