I want to feed wanted by someone, I want someone to want to pursue me, to wooo me so to speak. With dh, we had a child at 19, got married at 18, and I became our lifeline. If I didnt work hard we didnt eat, our bills would be late, and we would still be scrapping the surfice. Because we still didnt have a savings. Which led me into a career I dont want because if I didnt take it we wouldnt be able to survive. Dh works when he wants to, and whenever he does get a job he goes hard all the way. Until one day he cant stand the site of working there anymore than he either does just enough to get fired or he quits. Him and I have never seduced each other, believe it or not there is more sexual spark in our married coming from him, and I just do it because I dont want to argue.
I need to be wanted and not needed. With dh he needs me because without me he wouldnt make it on his own. I need to be pursued because I'm not feeling any attraction for him. I need to be seduced because I was a complete animal in the bedroom growing up. But I'm not know, theres things I dont want to do with dh, I dont move the same seductively, sexually. I dont dress the same, I'm not myself. And I dont like it. I dont feel like myself and I dont know what to do anymore I'm running out of options. I'm afraid I'm going to want to divorce my husband, and I vowed to myself that my first marriage will be my only marriage. But I also dont see myself continuing to be unhappy all my life.