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Does this seem reasonable to you?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I have a child from my previous marriage. She is in kindergarten. My ex is in the military stationed in California. My husband now is also in the military & also stationed in California- they are at different bases.  We currently live about 3 hours from my ex. We do every other weekend drop-off/pick up. It has not been an issue thus far.

Our divorce/custody papers state "there shall be no restrictions on the mother to relocate" I have primary physical custody (82% of parenting time) & he has EOW visitation which equals to 18% of time.

My husband recently received orders to a different base, about a 5-7 hour flight from where my ex is currently stationed. We are scheduled to leave here by the end of April. Although I am not required to ask his permission to leave (nor am I required to ask the states permission), I am required to give him 45 days notice.

When we split, he was ordered to pay almost $1200 a month in child support. Two years ago, when I met my husband, he came to me and basically guilted me in to taking a less amount because he claimed my husband would be taking on a lot of financial responsibility by marrying me and taking care of my daughter. So I reluctantly agreed to take $500 a month. I have her in dance class, she did a pre school program, etc and I never once asked him to help pay the cost, although our paperwork says that he is supposed to be responsible for half.

So now we are moving and I need to make arrangements on how to do visitations. Since she is school age and because we will be so far apart, I feel like a reasonable visitation would be 6-8 weeks in summer. That is roughly equal to the amount of time he gets her over the course of the year. I plan to make her available for Skype every Sunday evening so they can see each other that way. As always, he is welcome to call her any time he desires. During the time that she would be with him for those 6-8 weeks, I would agree to not receive child support so he can pay for childcare during the time he is at work.

Due to this move, I will be working so that I can pay for plane tickets for her and I to fly back to his location. I will not ask him to pay for her ticket at all. I feel that I am doing what I can to make this as painless as possible. Finances are a concern for everyone I am sure.

Does this seem reasonable to you?

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 5, 2012 at 5:21 PM
Replies (11-20):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Dec. 6, 2012 at 11:27 AM
1 mom liked this

If he wants to see her at that time, he will have to come out to where we are. I feel like I have already given him a break with child support, he is supposed to be paying an extra $700 a month, which he hasn't done in over 2 years. I am not complaining, just stating a fact- meaning that logically speaking, he should be able to save up enough money to come out. He is able to stay in military lodging, which is more like a studio apartment, for dirt cheap. That will have to be something he will need to decide. But obviously, I am not going to tell him he can't come.

Quoting littlecolton07:

Sounds more than fair. What about her birthday and holidays?


littlecolton07
by Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 7:07 PM

Good. I don't think you should have to pay all the travel expenses yourself. I was just making sure he was responsible for at least some of it.

Quoting Anonymous:

If he wants to see her at that time, he will have to come out to where we are. I feel like I have already given him a break with child support, he is supposed to be paying an extra $700 a month, which he hasn't done in over 2 years. I am not complaining, just stating a fact- meaning that logically speaking, he should be able to save up enough money to come out. He is able to stay in military lodging, which is more like a studio apartment, for dirt cheap. That will have to be something he will need to decide. But obviously, I am not going to tell him he can't come.

Quoting littlecolton07:

Sounds more than fair. What about her birthday and holidays?



crazymommy2007
by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 7:11 PM
Seems fair to me.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
lnrmom
by Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:49 AM

It sounds more than reasonable to me. My girls go to my ex's mom's for the summer so they can see him. His family and I split the cost of the flight or meet halfway, or I drive out to take them and they drive out to bring them back, either way we split the cost of transportation.

She can actually fly as an unaccompanied minor I think at the age of 6, mine have done it for years. It costs $50ish and the child is escorted the entire time. It's pretty cool. Fly with her one year and if she seems to do alright with the whole flying thing, try that one year. Will be way cheaper than two round trips for you and one for her. My girls always loved it.

Kudos to you for trying to work through the situation!

momofsixangels
by Colleen on Dec. 7, 2012 at 7:18 AM

Sounds good.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Dec. 8, 2012 at 12:40 AM

If it's so fair why doesn't she see the kid once a year. She is not in the military he is. The made a child together now she finds it "fair" to rip the kid away from her father because she made a crappy choice. Again if it's fair she should be willing to accept the same terms. If she would be unwilling to only see her child once a year then why is the fairness only one sided?

Quoting TheIrishDuckie:

The military lifestyle means you HAVE to move. If he was transferring to another base would you say that she had to move to that location as well? Get real.


I think that's extremely fair and with you cutting back on what he has to pay in child support he'll be more able to save up and possibly come out for a short visit during school.

Quoting Anonymous:

I think it's completely shitty for either parent to move a child away from the other. You made the baby now deal with it. I have an idea.. YOU take 6-8 weeks in the summer. I mean if that's good enough for him it shoud be good enough for you right???



queencreekmom
by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 2:07 AM

MORE than reasonable! 

MessedUpMama
by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 2:16 AM

Her current DH is in the military as well. They have to move where ever he is stationed, the only option she has is to stay where she is and let her DH move without her. Do you believe that the Mother should never remarry, in case something comes up, like her DH being stationed somewhere else? Mom doesn't deserve to have a relationship? Dad could have had it put into their divorce decree that she couldn't move more than x miles away from his current residence, and he could have left the military so that he wouldn't have to move away from her. He knows and understands how this works, I'm sure. She has given him a LARGE break on child support, she has been more than fair with him in all of this. If he is okay moving away and changing visitation, as he most certainly will have to, then why isn't it okay for her too? Does she have to move where ever he is stationed next, so that their DD isn't ripped out of his life?

Anyway OP, I think you are being very fair. He should have no problem with it. Not only will he be saving $700 every month on child support because of your prior agreement, but he will be saving on child support for the weeks she is with him, and he won't have to pay to get her over the summer. He would be able to see her on Skype and talk to her on the phone whenever he wants. He will get to have her with him the same amount of time per year. It doesn't have to be that way. You could have made him keep paying the original amount of child support. Under the usual agreements he would have to pay child support even while she is with him.

taniamorse85
by Bronze Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 3:19 AM

It sounds perfectly reasonable.

thefiregoddess
by Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 5:31 AM

If you get PCS'ed somewhere in the military you HAVE to go. There is no if ands or buts.

You have no say, no recourse, you move. Its that simple.

It is a perfectly reasonable plan OP.

Quoting Anonymous:

I think it's completely shitty for either parent to move a child away from the other. You made the baby now deal with it. I have an idea.. YOU take 6-8 weeks in the summer. I mean if that's good enough for him it shoud be good enough for you right???


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