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Does this seem reasonable to you?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I have a child from my previous marriage. She is in kindergarten. My ex is in the military stationed in California. My husband now is also in the military & also stationed in California- they are at different bases.  We currently live about 3 hours from my ex. We do every other weekend drop-off/pick up. It has not been an issue thus far.

Our divorce/custody papers state "there shall be no restrictions on the mother to relocate" I have primary physical custody (82% of parenting time) & he has EOW visitation which equals to 18% of time.

My husband recently received orders to a different base, about a 5-7 hour flight from where my ex is currently stationed. We are scheduled to leave here by the end of April. Although I am not required to ask his permission to leave (nor am I required to ask the states permission), I am required to give him 45 days notice.

When we split, he was ordered to pay almost $1200 a month in child support. Two years ago, when I met my husband, he came to me and basically guilted me in to taking a less amount because he claimed my husband would be taking on a lot of financial responsibility by marrying me and taking care of my daughter. So I reluctantly agreed to take $500 a month. I have her in dance class, she did a pre school program, etc and I never once asked him to help pay the cost, although our paperwork says that he is supposed to be responsible for half.

So now we are moving and I need to make arrangements on how to do visitations. Since she is school age and because we will be so far apart, I feel like a reasonable visitation would be 6-8 weeks in summer. That is roughly equal to the amount of time he gets her over the course of the year. I plan to make her available for Skype every Sunday evening so they can see each other that way. As always, he is welcome to call her any time he desires. During the time that she would be with him for those 6-8 weeks, I would agree to not receive child support so he can pay for childcare during the time he is at work.

Due to this move, I will be working so that I can pay for plane tickets for her and I to fly back to his location. I will not ask him to pay for her ticket at all. I feel that I am doing what I can to make this as painless as possible. Finances are a concern for everyone I am sure.

Does this seem reasonable to you?

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 5, 2012 at 5:21 PM
Replies (21-30):
thefiregoddess
by Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 5:32 AM

By law he really cant have her.

They made the child together. If *he* got PCS'ed would you be bitching? You cannot change your orders, different units, specialties and so on get moved independently of each other.


I'm just not understanding your logic here.

Quoting Anonymous:

If it's so fair why doesn't she see the kid once a year. She is not in the military he is. The made a child together now she finds it "fair" to rip the kid away from her father because she made a crappy choice. Again if it's fair she should be willing to accept the same terms. If she would be unwilling to only see her child once a year then why is the fairness only one sided?

Quoting TheIrishDuckie:

The military lifestyle means you HAVE to move. If he was transferring to another base would you say that she had to move to that location as well? Get real.


I think that's extremely fair and with you cutting back on what he has to pay in child support he'll be more able to save up and possibly come out for a short visit during school.

Quoting Anonymous:

I think it's completely shitty for either parent to move a child away from the other. You made the baby now deal with it. I have an idea.. YOU take 6-8 weeks in the summer. I mean if that's good enough for him it shoud be good enough for you right???




Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 8, 2012 at 5:43 AM
1 mom liked this
The father more than likely could not have full costody of his child due to the nature of him job. (not saying that's the case here, but from experience that has been the case) So what she is doing is more than fair. She also said nothing about him not being able to fly out to see his daughter. So he has the opertunity to see his kid more than once a year but that will be on him financially.

So pull the stick out of your ass sweetie!

Quoting Anonymous:

If it's so fair why doesn't she see the kid once a year. She is not in the military he is. The made a child together now she finds it "fair" to rip the kid away from her father because she made a crappy choice. Again if it's fair she should be willing to accept the same terms. If she would be unwilling to only see her child once a year then why is the fairness only one sided?

Quoting TheIrishDuckie:

The military lifestyle means you HAVE to move. If he was transferring to another base would you say that she had to move to that location as well? Get real.


I think that's extremely fair and with you cutting back on what he has to pay in child support he'll be more able to save up and possibly come out for a short visit during school.

Quoting Anonymous:

I think it's completely shitty for either parent to move a child away from the other. You made the baby now deal with it. I have an idea.. YOU take 6-8 weeks in the summer. I mean if that's good enough for him it shoud be good enough for you right???



TheIrishDuckie
by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 7:47 AM

Exactly. In the military if you don't have someone to watch your child immediately in case of certain situations they WILL discharge you.

Quoting Anonymous:

The father more than likely could not have full costody of his child due to the nature of him job. (not saying that's the case here, but from experience that has been the case) So what she is doing is more than fair. She also said nothing about him not being able to fly out to see his daughter. So he has the opertunity to see his kid more than once a year but that will be on him financially.

So pull the stick out of your ass sweetie!

Quoting Anonymous:

If it's so fair why doesn't she see the kid once a year. She is not in the military he is. The made a child together now she finds it "fair" to rip the kid away from her father because she made a crappy choice. Again if it's fair she should be willing to accept the same terms. If she would be unwilling to only see her child once a year then why is the fairness only one sided?

Quoting TheIrishDuckie:

The military lifestyle means you HAVE to move. If he was transferring to another base would you say that she had to move to that location as well? Get real.


I think that's extremely fair and with you cutting back on what he has to pay in child support he'll be more able to save up and possibly come out for a short visit during school.

Quoting Anonymous:

I think it's completely shitty for either parent to move a child away from the other. You made the baby now deal with it. I have an idea.. YOU take 6-8 weeks in the summer. I mean if that's good enough for him it shoud be good enough for you right???




lapcounter
by Gold Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 7:49 AM
Not much you can do when someone is in the service.

Quoting Anonymous:

I think it's completely shitty for either parent to move a child away from the other. You made the baby now deal with it. I have an idea.. YOU take 6-8 weeks in the summer. I mean if that's good enough for him it shoud be good enough for you right???

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
lapcounter
by Gold Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 7:51 AM
I'm so glad this group got the idiot Assnon button.

Quoting Anonymous:

If it's so fair why doesn't she see the kid once a year. She is not in the military he is. The made a child together now she finds it "fair" to rip the kid away from her father because she made a crappy choice. Again if it's fair she should be willing to accept the same terms. If she would be unwilling to only see her child once a year then why is the fairness only one sided?

Quoting TheIrishDuckie:

The military lifestyle means you HAVE to move. If he was transferring to another base would you say that she had to move to that location as well? Get real.


I think that's extremely fair and with you cutting back on what he has to pay in child support he'll be more able to save up and possibly come out for a short visit during school.

Quoting Anonymous:

I think it's completely shitty for either parent to move a child away from the other. You made the baby now deal with it. I have an idea.. YOU take 6-8 weeks in the summer. I mean if that's good enough for him it shoud be good enough for you right???



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
WithHope
by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 3:15 PM
So, since both her spouse and ex are by contract (with penalty of jail time) required to move for their job, whose livelihood and freedom would it be fair to compromise?


Quoting Anonymous:

I think it's completely shitty for either parent to move a child away from the other. You made the baby now deal with it. I have an idea.. YOU take 6-8 weeks in the summer. I mean if that's good enough for him it shoud be good enough for you right???


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 8, 2012 at 3:32 PM

I have know sever "single parents" in the militaryso the idea that he could not have full custody is completely moronic.Permitting a father to see his child once a year is not fair to the father or the child. Why should HE be the one paying out of his pocket to see his child because his selfish ex wife wants to move the child away. 

Also it's going to suck for the little girl to make friends all year and hen have to make new ones every year when she goes to spend the summer with her father. People really need to think more about their children and less about themseves.

So again if this situation is "fair" give custody to dady and mom can see the kid once a year and if she wants to see her more often she can spend her money to fly out. 

Honestly I feel bad for the kid. The whole situation sucks for her.

Oh and sorry, there is no stick in my ass. Maybe you should remove the one from yours ;-)

Quoting Anonymous:

The father more than likely could not have full costody of his child due to the nature of him job. (not saying that's the case here, but from experience that has been the case) So what she is doing is more than fair. She also said nothing about him not being able to fly out to see his daughter. So he has the opertunity to see his kid more than once a year but that will be on him financially.

So pull the stick out of your ass sweetie!

Quoting Anonymous:

If it's so fair why doesn't she see the kid once a year. She is not in the military he is. The made a child together now she finds it "fair" to rip the kid away from her father because she made a crappy choice. Again if it's fair she should be willing to accept the same terms. If she would be unwilling to only see her child once a year then why is the fairness only one sided?

Quoting TheIrishDuckie:

The military lifestyle means you HAVE to move. If he was transferring to another base would you say that she had to move to that location as well? Get real.


I think that's extremely fair and with you cutting back on what he has to pay in child support he'll be more able to save up and possibly come out for a short visit during school.

Quoting Anonymous:

I think it's completely shitty for either parent to move a child away from the other. You made the baby now deal with it. I have an idea.. YOU take 6-8 weeks in the summer. I mean if that's good enough for him it shoud be good enough for you right???




Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 8, 2012 at 3:50 PM
2 moms liked this
Your comment is compltely moronic.



Have you ever been in the military?



How would your scenario be any better.



Lets think about this is a logical way.



Dad gets custody, right?

Dad then gets deployed, a good possibility, right?

Little girl has to go live with some family members who have agreed to take her for an undisclosed amont of time, another good possibility, right?



Now let's look at it the way it is going to happen.

Girl goes with mom, ok?

Both dad and step dad get deployed, ok?

And look at this who does the girl stay with?

I will let you answer that one, sweetie!


Oh and answer me one more thing, which option for the GIRL sounds better?

Quoting Anonymous:

I have know sever "single parents" in the militaryso the idea that he could not have full custody is completely moronic.Permitting a father to see his child once a year is not fair to the father or the child. Why should HE be the one paying out of his pocket to see his child because his selfish ex wife wants to move the child away. 

Also it's going to suck for the little girl to make friends all year and hen have to make new ones every year when she goes to spend the summer with her father. People really need to think more about their children and less about themseves.

So again if this situation is "fair" give custody to dady and mom can see the kid once a year and if she wants to see her more often she can spend her money to fly out. 

Honestly I feel bad for the kid. The whole situation sucks for her.

Oh and sorry, there is no stick in my ass. Maybe you should remove the one from yours ;-)

Quoting Anonymous:

The father more than likely could not have full costody of his child due to the nature of him job. (not saying that's the case here, but from experience that has been the case) So what she is doing is more than fair. She also said nothing about him not being able to fly out to see his daughter. So he has the opertunity to see his kid more than once a year but that will be on him financially.





So pull the stick out of your ass sweetie!






Quoting Anonymous:

If it's so fair why doesn't she see the kid once a year. She is not in the military he is. The made a child together now she finds it "fair" to rip the kid away from her father because she made a crappy choice. Again if it's fair she should be willing to accept the same terms. If she would be unwilling to only see her child once a year then why is the fairness only one sided?

Quoting TheIrishDuckie:

The military lifestyle means you HAVE to move. If he was transferring to another base would you say that she had to move to that location as well? Get real.


I think that's extremely fair and with you cutting back on what he has to pay in child support he'll be more able to save up and possibly come out for a short visit during school.

Quoting Anonymous:

I think it's completely shitty for either parent to move a child away from the other. You made the baby now deal with it. I have an idea.. YOU take 6-8 weeks in the summer. I mean if that's good enough for him it shoud be good enough for you right???




Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
1likeme
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 12:17 AM
1 mom liked this
No it's not reasonable because he should still support his child. The amount he is already saving is more than enough for him to provide air fare and child care for six weeks out of the year.
zeesmuse
by Bronze Member on Dec. 9, 2012 at 9:11 AM

you should have NEVER taken less child support! It's HIS responsibility to support his child, not your new husband's!


Oh grrrr....

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