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thanks to all...more update..no bash...seeking wise advice

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 80 Replies
Im 25yo and i just met a guy online.. 3 mos after weve met and dated for two months. Now hes proposing.. He said he has 3 kids with different moms. He just got his divorce last month but been separated for few years prior. I havent met his kids nor his sister nor his ex. Hes my first serious relationship. Btw his got 10yo 15yo 16yo daughters. I am so crazy inlove witj him.we just had a fight because im having second thoughts bout the marriage thing which he wants next month.he had already moved out of his old apt and moved to better one for us. Hes making me choosr.marry him or my dream.. Ive been crying all day.. Please advice me.i need a good advice.hes 37yo.its breaking my heart were fighting.





Update..


He hasnt called yet since last night.i think i will need to return my celfone back to him. Thank u ladies.. Its gonna be tough and im already missing him but u gave me insights and perspectives that opened my eyes to what will be the reality or future with him if i take the plunge. A part of me doesnt want to believe all the posts and replies but most of me knows ur talking sense.i think ill take time and space.see from there.thank u again ladies



more update

he called and said thats fine.if i want to do nursing but keep pushing we can get married and still i.can go to school.that he will help me.i told him i think were going to fast and i havent even met his kids.he said he can arranged that.. but right now the horror stories plus the thougjts of becoming a stepmom and dealing with his exes scares me.i dont think i can deal with it.i dont know how to tell him to cut off the engagement.he throw to my face.everything he has done to prepare for our marriage.

update...
i broke up with him. returned his celfone and apologized for all the troubles he had gone through cause of me. i miss him. a lot. and tempted to call him but it wouldnt be right. thank u for all the advice.it helped me a lot!
Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:20 AM
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Replies (1-10):
jynkx
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:21 AM
1 mom liked this

he is moving WAY TOO FAST!  this is red flags showing more red flags.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:23 AM
Isnt it sign he is crazy inlove with me that he wants us married immediately?what do u mean red flag


Quoting jynkx:

he is moving WAY TOO FAST!  this is red flags showing more red flags.


jynkx
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:27 AM

why is he pushing this so fast?  the fact that he is older and your so young, leads me to believe that he is (excuse the term/phrase) "mind fucking" you.  you know, we women get emotionally attached.  especially at young ages, like you are.  he wants to control you by giving you ultimatums and making you feel guilty.  he also has a history of going woman to woman without regard for the future, which i deduced by his 3 kids with 3 women.  if he respected you, he would wait until your more comfy with the situation.  but he knows that when he has a young chick that is "in love" (im almost positive you have had sex with him) its very easy to manipulate the situation.

i think you should make him slow this train down.  but its your like and you dont have to listen to an old coot like me.

Quoting Anonymous:

Isnt it sign he is crazy inlove with me that he wants us married immediately?what do u mean red flag


Quoting jynkx:

he is moving WAY TOO FAST!  this is red flags showing more red flags.



Anonymous
by Anonymous on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:31 AM
1 mom liked this

I see all kinds of wrong here.  If he truly was so head-over-heels in love with you, he would slow down for you and not make you choose right now whether to marry him, or hit the road.  He sounds controlling and manipulating, not to mention his last marriages in the past are not so impressive.  I would not go a step further into this relationship if I were you.

MrsApple
by Bronze Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:34 AM
1 mom liked this

Everything about  it screams "BAD IDEA!".

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:34 AM
Yes we had sex.i was a virgin.he gave me a celfone with unlimited calling since the one i wad using was prepaid.we talk all the time before and after work.my friends are mad at me cause i dont spend time with thrm.he gets mad when i go out or hang out with my friends.i have to call him or answer his call otherwise he gets mad


Quoting jynkx:

why is he pushing this so fast?  the fact that he is older and your so young, leads me to believe that he is (excuse the term/phrase) "mind fucking" you.  you know, we women get emotionally attached.  especially at young ages, like you are.  he wants to control you by giving you ultimatums and making you feel guilty.  he also has a history of going woman to woman without regard for the future, which i deduced by his 3 kids with 3 women.  if he respected you, he would wait until your more comfy with the situation.  but he knows that when he has a young chick that is "in love" (im almost positive you have had sex with him) its very easy to manipulate the situation.

i think you should make him slow this train down.  but its your like and you dont have to listen to an old coot like me.


Quoting Anonymous:

Isnt it sign he is crazy inlove with me that he wants us married immediately?what do u mean red flag





Quoting jynkx:

he is moving WAY TOO FAST!  this is red flags showing more red flags.





Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:35 AM
He was married once. The other two he didnt marry


Quoting Anonymous:

I see all kinds of wrong here.  If he truly was so head-over-heels in love with you, he would slow down for you and not make you choose right now whether to marry him, or hit the road.  He sounds controlling and manipulating, not to mention his last marriages in the past are not so impressive.  I would not go a step further into this relationship if I were you.


rayroe2
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:36 AM

I am just a little bit lost not bashing.....So you met online and dated for 2months...like on dates, in person, did you know these things during that 2months? why do you need to met the sister and ex wife? have you met any family. do you know why he was divorced do you have proof of the divorce? what is your dream?

I got married and pregnant all in the same year of knowing my dh. we prob dated 2months also but we didn't doubt each other and laid everything on the table and we met each others family members. It was rocking and your going to fight that is VERY normal. The only reason I was iffy about when getting married was because I wanted a small wedding and my mom was moving away so I was just scared but got married and don't regret it one bit. So answer those question and don't be blind and stupid just because you are feeling head over heels because some of these things are red flags.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:37 AM

So what is your heart telling you about this situation?  What are you leaning towards doing?

Quoting Anonymous:

He was married once. The other two he didnt marry


Quoting Anonymous:

I see all kinds of wrong here.  If he truly was so head-over-heels in love with you, he would slow down for you and not make you choose right now whether to marry him, or hit the road.  He sounds controlling and manipulating, not to mention his last marriages in the past are not so impressive.  I would not go a step further into this relationship if I were you.



Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:37 AM
It just really hurts.he hang up on me and wont answer my call when i ask for extension of the engagement


Quoting Anonymous:

I see all kinds of wrong here.  If he truly was so head-over-heels in love with you, he would slow down for you and not make you choose right now whether to marry him, or hit the road.  He sounds controlling and manipulating, not to mention his last marriages in the past are not so impressive.  I would not go a step further into this relationship if I were you.


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