Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

The Cafe The Cafe

thanks to all...more update..no bash...seeking wise advice

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Im 25yo and i just met a guy online.. 3 mos after weve met and dated for two months. Now hes proposing.. He said he has 3 kids with different moms. He just got his divorce last month but been separated for few years prior. I havent met his kids nor his sister nor his ex. Hes my first serious relationship. Btw his got 10yo 15yo 16yo daughters. I am so crazy inlove witj him.we just had a fight because im having second thoughts bout the marriage thing which he wants next month.he had already moved out of his old apt and moved to better one for us. Hes making me choosr.marry him or my dream.. Ive been crying all day.. Please advice me.i need a good advice.hes 37yo.its breaking my heart were fighting.





Update..


He hasnt called yet since last night.i think i will need to return my celfone back to him. Thank u ladies.. Its gonna be tough and im already missing him but u gave me insights and perspectives that opened my eyes to what will be the reality or future with him if i take the plunge. A part of me doesnt want to believe all the posts and replies but most of me knows ur talking sense.i think ill take time and space.see from there.thank u again ladies



more update

he called and said thats fine.if i want to do nursing but keep pushing we can get married and still i.can go to school.that he will help me.i told him i think were going to fast and i havent even met his kids.he said he can arranged that.. but right now the horror stories plus the thougjts of becoming a stepmom and dealing with his exes scares me.i dont think i can deal with it.i dont know how to tell him to cut off the engagement.he throw to my face.everything he has done to prepare for our marriage.

update...
i broke up with him. returned his celfone and apologized for all the troubles he had gone through cause of me. i miss him. a lot. and tempted to call him but it wouldnt be right. thank u for all the advice.it helped me a lot!
Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:20 AM
Replies (31-40):
gemma458
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 2:09 AM

Well sister, there are SOOO many different parts to this potential puzzle. You may think that since you are in love, that settles everything and you're already living it. BUT......you are not in it yet. It will become a different world for all involved if you get married. If he has a track record of leaving women that he's had children with, what if he continues on this path with you? That would be a heartbreak for you and your child that would affect both of your lives forever, emotionally. Financially, MANY MANY women have never seen a dime of child support, not that I know it all, just please be careful. Now, I FULLY believe people can change, and I know his children are teenagers, so he very well have by now. So if he has, you need to know that his children come first, or should ; ) Assuming he is involved with his children, they will become part of your life too, AS WILL ALL of their mothers, and rightly so. I am a stepmom, and DH and I have two together. In my heart and in my life, I let it be known that I'm all for DH and his ex wife working together for my SS. She resents me for being, and I have to swallow that, even though it makes me feel like total crap : ( So my encouraging and doing what I can for the good of the three kids is stomped on a lot, but it's what you do when you love your kids. You will potentially have to WANT to change things around, sacrifice, be flexible, open your heart to people who don't want you in their lives, any amount of things to try and do the best you can. PLEASE forgive me if I am discouraging, but I really only want to give you an idea of a possible outcome of this potential blended family. Now I would have to know a ton more about each current mother/child and what their relationships are like with your BF, but blended families can be incredibly tough. I know many including ours, and can't think of a single one who would honestly tell you it was just really simple or easy. I'm not judging you by saying that, I don't know you so I'm not saying anything about you personally. But I do know that you and your man (if you marry) will have to create an incredibly strong foundation together to deal with all of the emotions and stress that this complex family would have. From the most amicable, communicative blended families to the most alienating, cringeworthy ones, you have to be "all in". I know this is a looooong reply, but I truly hope the very best for you hun, like I said, I am FAR from knowing everything, but just talk to friends and family you trust, especially ones with life experiences to share. Ultimately this is your choice, don't be pressured by him just because you are in love, I know that's easier said than done, but whatever you choose will change the course of your life. Why not spend a night or two with your cell turned off, get a little alone time, read, journal.....BTW, I married my husband almost six years ago after dating TWO months,lol. Got any questions for me?? I will answer them honestly, and hope that they help you!! Take good care of yourself lady : )

mgm_5
by Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 2:25 AM
If he truly loves you he wouldn't be rushing you and giving you an ultimatum, something is up, I would tell him not yet and see what happens if he leaves you then you know he never truly loved you
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
ColieO
by Silver Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 2:26 AM
Dear God. And you want to be with him WHY?!

Quoting Anonymous:

Yes we had sex.i was a virgin.he gave me a celfone with unlimited calling since the one i wad using was prepaid.we talk all the time before and after work.my friends are mad at me cause i dont spend time with thrm.he gets mad when i go out or hang out with my friends.i have to call him or answer his call otherwise he gets mad




Quoting jynkx:

why is he pushing this so fast?  the fact that he is older and your so young, leads me to believe that he is (excuse the term/phrase) "mind fucking" you.  you know, we women get emotionally attached.  especially at young ages, like you are.  he wants to control you by giving you ultimatums and making you feel guilty.  he also has a history of going woman to woman without regard for the future, which i deduced by his 3 kids with 3 women.  if he respected you, he would wait until your more comfy with the situation.  but he knows that when he has a young chick that is "in love" (im almost positive you have had sex with him) its very easy to manipulate the situation.

i think you should make him slow this train down.  but its your like and you dont have to listen to an old coot like me.



Quoting Anonymous:

Isnt it sign he is crazy inlove with me that he wants us married immediately?what do u mean red flag








Quoting jynkx:

he is moving WAY TOO FAST!  this is red flags showing more red flags.






Posted on CafeMom Mobile
daiseymae2
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 5:48 AM

No man who really loved you would make you choose between your dream and him. I would also be very leery of him moving so fast with you. I have known too many people, including myself, who have fallen for men who move this fast and it's ended up in abusive marriages. Some marriages do work out, but please don't let him give up on your dreams.

daiseymae2
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 5:54 AM

HUGE HUGE HUGE RED FLAGS! Those are classic signs of an abuser. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Yes we had sex.i was a virgin.he gave me a celfone with unlimited calling since the one i wad using was prepaid.we talk all the time before and after work.my friends are mad at me cause i dont spend time with thrm.he gets mad when i go out or hang out with my friends.i have to call him or answer his call otherwise he gets mad


Quoting jynkx:

why is he pushing this so fast?  the fact that he is older and your so young, leads me to believe that he is (excuse the term/phrase) "mind fucking" you.  you know, we women get emotionally attached.  especially at young ages, like you are.  he wants to control you by giving you ultimatums and making you feel guilty.  he also has a history of going woman to woman without regard for the future, which i deduced by his 3 kids with 3 women.  if he respected you, he would wait until your more comfy with the situation.  but he knows that when he has a young chick that is "in love" (im almost positive you have had sex with him) its very easy to manipulate the situation.

i think you should make him slow this train down.  but its your like and you dont have to listen to an old coot like me.


Quoting Anonymous:

Isnt it sign he is crazy inlove with me that he wants us married immediately?what do u mean red flag





Quoting jynkx:

he is moving WAY TOO FAST!  this is red flags showing more red flags.






peaches_04
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 5:58 AM
If he truley loved you hed be patient and give you the time you needed
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 7, 2012 at 6:03 AM
Have you evee watched the show catfish on mtv?? This has all the red flags of being terrible.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Dec. 7, 2012 at 6:07 AM

run . he is moving to fast and telling you him or your dream. I had a older man talk me into marrying him after two months of dating. He was in his early 40s i was in my late teens. He was a ass. He was abusive etc. He is being pushy do not do it hun. Your young.

bmw29
by Bronze Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 6:12 AM
RUN!!!!!! I am dead serious, get the fuck away from him now. He is controlling and crazy as hell. Keep looking because he isn't the man for anyone. :/

Quoting Anonymous:

Yes we had sex.i was a virgin.he gave me a celfone with unlimited calling since the one i wad using was prepaid.we talk all the time before and after work.my friends are mad at me cause i dont spend time with thrm.he gets mad when i go out or hang out with my friends.i have to call him or answer his call otherwise he gets mad




Quoting jynkx:

why is he pushing this so fast?  the fact that he is older and your so young, leads me to believe that he is (excuse the term/phrase) "mind fucking" you.  you know, we women get emotionally attached.  especially at young ages, like you are.  he wants to control you by giving you ultimatums and making you feel guilty.  he also has a history of going woman to woman without regard for the future, which i deduced by his 3 kids with 3 women.  if he respected you, he would wait until your more comfy with the situation.  but he knows that when he has a young chick that is "in love" (im almost positive you have had sex with him) its very easy to manipulate the situation.

i think you should make him slow this train down.  but its your like and you dont have to listen to an old coot like me.



Quoting Anonymous:

Isnt it sign he is crazy inlove with me that he wants us married immediately?what do u mean red flag








Quoting jynkx:

he is moving WAY TOO FAST!  this is red flags showing more red flags.






Posted on CafeMom Mobile
TommyAbby
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 6:31 AM

NO NO NO NO NO NO....OMG.. RUN AWAY!!! That is NOT even remotely enough time to get to know someone. And you haven't met his family yet to see how is with them..Slow down take the time to get to know him and his family. Do you know if he has anger issues? Do you know his habits? Do you know how he gets when things go wrong? How does he react to stress? 

And what is your dream that he is wanting you to give up? Any man who truly loved you would support you, not try to tear you down. 


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN