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thanks to all...more update..no bash...seeking wise advice

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Im 25yo and i just met a guy online.. 3 mos after weve met and dated for two months. Now hes proposing.. He said he has 3 kids with different moms. He just got his divorce last month but been separated for few years prior. I havent met his kids nor his sister nor his ex. Hes my first serious relationship. Btw his got 10yo 15yo 16yo daughters. I am so crazy inlove witj him.we just had a fight because im having second thoughts bout the marriage thing which he wants next month.he had already moved out of his old apt and moved to better one for us. Hes making me choosr.marry him or my dream.. Ive been crying all day.. Please advice me.i need a good advice.hes 37yo.its breaking my heart were fighting.





Update..


He hasnt called yet since last night.i think i will need to return my celfone back to him. Thank u ladies.. Its gonna be tough and im already missing him but u gave me insights and perspectives that opened my eyes to what will be the reality or future with him if i take the plunge. A part of me doesnt want to believe all the posts and replies but most of me knows ur talking sense.i think ill take time and space.see from there.thank u again ladies



more update

he called and said thats fine.if i want to do nursing but keep pushing we can get married and still i.can go to school.that he will help me.i told him i think were going to fast and i havent even met his kids.he said he can arranged that.. but right now the horror stories plus the thougjts of becoming a stepmom and dealing with his exes scares me.i dont think i can deal with it.i dont know how to tell him to cut off the engagement.he throw to my face.everything he has done to prepare for our marriage.

update...
i broke up with him. returned his celfone and apologized for all the troubles he had gone through cause of me. i miss him. a lot. and tempted to call him but it wouldnt be right. thank u for all the advice.it helped me a lot!
Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:20 AM
Replies (51-60):
TugBoatMama
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 9:17 AM

 See this is exactly what I mean. I know you already updated, but you need to check out this show called, "Who The Bleep Did I Marry?" Its mostly these stories about women just like you who were lured in by charming men via the internet, and either abused or taken for everything they had. And all these relationships began with the sudden rush to get married, as well as the classic "I don't want to lose you" line. Dangerous.

Quoting Anonymous:

He said he doesnt want to lose me


Quoting TugBoatMama:

 This is how a lot of women get taken advantage of. This is going extremely fast. What is the rush? Something isn't right about that IMO.


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Dec. 7, 2012 at 10:00 AM
He was a train wreck. Wow, glad he is gone.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Dec. 7, 2012 at 1:20 PM
i havent broken up yet.dont know how to break the e.gagement


Quoting Anonymous:

He was a train wreck. Wow, glad he is gone.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Dec. 7, 2012 at 1:21 PM
you ladies have told me everything i need to consider and think about before settling..thanks


Quoting TugBoatMama:

 See this is exactly what I mean. I know you already updated, but you need to check out this show called, "Who The Bleep Did I Marry?" Its mostly these stories about women just like you who were lured in by charming men via the internet, and either abused or taken for everything they had. And all these relationships began with the sudden rush to get married, as well as the classic "I don't want to lose you" line. Dangerous.


Quoting Anonymous:

He said he doesnt want to lose me



Quoting TugBoatMama:


 This is how a lot of women get taken advantage of. This is going extremely fast. What is the rush? Something isn't right about that IMO.



 


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Dec. 7, 2012 at 1:23 PM
well he does make most of the decisions.


Quoting daiseymae2:

Don't walk, run away from this relationship. That is very controlling behavior and will only get worse once you are married. You deserve to be in a relationship where you are his equal. This is not a healthy relationship. 

Quoting Anonymous:

I have to sneak out to hang out with my pals. On holidays i go party with my friends.he would be on the fone and ive to answer his call otherwise...





Quoting daiseymae2:

HUGE HUGE HUGE RED FLAGS! Those are classic signs of an abuser. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Yes we had sex.i was a virgin.he gave me a celfone with unlimited calling since the one i wad using was prepaid.we talk all the time before and after work.my friends are mad at me cause i dont spend time with thrm.he gets mad when i go out or hang out with my friends.i have to call him or answer his call otherwise he gets mad








Quoting jynkx:

why is he pushing this so fast?  the fact that he is older and your so young, leads me to believe that he is (excuse the term/phrase) "mind fucking" you.  you know, we women get emotionally attached.  especially at young ages, like you are.  he wants to control you by giving you ultimatums and making you feel guilty.  he also has a history of going woman to woman without regard for the future, which i deduced by his 3 kids with 3 women.  if he respected you, he would wait until your more comfy with the situation.  but he knows that when he has a young chick that is "in love" (im almost positive you have had sex with him) its very easy to manipulate the situation.

i think you should make him slow this train down.  but its your like and you dont have to listen to an old coot like me.




Quoting Anonymous:

Isnt it sign he is crazy inlove with me that he wants us married immediately?what do u mean red flag











Quoting jynkx:

he is moving WAY TOO FAST!  this is red flags showing more red flags.














Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Dec. 7, 2012 at 1:25 PM
thank u..i have no idea how complex and difficult step or blended.family is. it helped a lot for me to.make decision


Quoting gemma458:

Well sister, there are SOOO many different parts to this potential puzzle. You may think that since you are in love, that settles everything and you're already living it. BUT......you are not in it yet. It will become a different world for all involved if you get married. If he has a track record of leaving women that he's had children with, what if he continues on this path with you? That would be a heartbreak for you and your child that would affect both of your lives forever, emotionally. Financially, MANY MANY women have never seen a dime of child support, not that I know it all, just please be careful. Now, I FULLY believe people can change, and I know his children are teenagers, so he very well have by now. So if he has, you need to know that his children come first, or should ; ) Assuming he is involved with his children, they will become part of your life too, AS WILL ALL of their mothers, and rightly so. I am a stepmom, and DH and I have two together. In my heart and in my life, I let it be known that I'm all for DH and his ex wife working together for my SS. She resents me for being, and I have to swallow that, even though it makes me feel like total crap : ( So my encouraging and doing what I can for the good of the three kids is stomped on a lot, but it's what you do when you love your kids. You will potentially have to WANT to change things around, sacrifice, be flexible, open your heart to people who don't want you in their lives, any amount of things to try and do the best you can. PLEASE forgive me if I am discouraging, but I really only want to give you an idea of a possible outcome of this potential blended family. Now I would have to know a ton more about each current mother/child and what their relationships are like with your BF, but blended families can be incredibly tough. I know many including ours, and can't think of a single one who would honestly tell you it was just really simple or easy. I'm not judging you by saying that, I don't know you so I'm not saying anything about you personally. But I do know that you and your man (if you marry) will have to create an incredibly strong foundation together to deal with all of the emotions and stress that this complex family would have. From the most amicable, communicative blended families to the most alienating, cringeworthy ones, you have to be "all in". I know this is a looooong reply, but I truly hope the very best for you hun, like I said, I am FAR from knowing everything, but just talk to friends and family you trust, especially ones with life experiences to share. Ultimately this is your choice, don't be pressured by him just because you are in love, I know that's easier said than done, but whatever you choose will change the course of your life. Why not spend a night or two with your cell turned off, get a little alone time, read, journal.....BTW, I married my husband almost six years ago after dating TWO months,lol. Got any questions for me?? I will answer them honestly, and hope that they help you!! Take good care of yourself lady : )


crazymommy2007
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 3:37 PM
I would tell him I love him but that this is too fast.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
nickysmom71
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 4:38 PM

TROLLLLLLLLLL

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Dec. 7, 2012 at 5:58 PM

Three kids. Three mothers. GIANT RED FLAG! I bet he was so in love with them too and they all thought they were the one. Run away FAST!

jynkx
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 6:12 PM

oh, honey, im so happy to hear that you see the reality in your face.  this isnt the man for you and now YOU know it.  your life would be a living hell with him.  your already having to sneak to see friends and be at his beck and call.  its a lose/lose situation with him.  count your blessings that you came to us so you can think about it before you went ahead and did what he wanted.  you just saved your life!

Quoting Anonymous:

Yes.. I kinda read all the responses here and analyze our situation and if im trully happy.. Which im not.. Thank u.. Helps to put my mind and see different views and opened my eyes to what future will be.


Quoting Anonymous:

If marrying him means giving up on a nursing degree and being independent in your future, then that is certainly not a good idea. Please don't let this guy isolate you or cause you to become dependent on him. Do what you need to become secure in a job, then you can discuss marriage with him. If this does go bad, you want to make sure you have a way out.


Quoting Anonymous:

Im a cna and currently taking up nursing.i dreamed of becoming a nurse since i was little.



Quoting Anonymous:


How old are you? And what do you mean choosing between marriage or your dream, what is your dream?






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