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Advice: I disliked Christmas present from husband... and he's not taking it well.

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I am a bit confused as to what to do.

A little background story: my husband is into gadgets. I am not. Never have I been fond of fads or gadgets. I am more onto the practical side of things. I use what I need and, what I don't, I either give to someone who needs it or simply don't buy it. This is especially true for expensive gadgets.

My husband, on the other hand, likes all the new fad of touch-screen tablets and phones. He can't wait for the latest 3D TV to come out or the latest camera because he is either researching it or trying to get it (when he has a perfectly good flat screen TV or a two-year old camera he rarely ever uses. Anyways... that's how he is.)

In my case, I don't have time nor the use for those things. Those are the kind of things that collect dust in my closet, so to speak. I am busy with my kids, with the house or doing my own things to be preocuppied with what I call 'stuff.'

Well, for weeks now, my husband had been insisting that I use one of his computers (an ipad.) So, I did and hated it. I am not into touch-screen computers. I like a good keyboard and good speed. That's all I need and I already have a good laptop that works perfectly for me. And this is what I told my husband: 'I don't like it and I am happy with what I have. I do not want another computer.'

Well, come Christmas Day, he hands me a small present. To my surprise, it's an ipad mini. Not what I expected. Something I had told him was too gimmicky for me. I thought that was clear when he saw it on TV when it first came out. Around Thanksgiving Day I gave him my Christmas list... basically 'this is what I like and where you can get it'  (I even gave him the codes, seriously, so that he wouldn't have a hard time finding them - concert tickets, 2 perfume choices, 2 books, and 3 sweaters,,, he could choose from any of it.)

When I opened the present, I thanked him as gracefully as I could... however, I made the mistake of asking him if he had kept the receipt so that I could return it. He got very annoyed and later angry with me for not liking this present. Where did I make the mistake? Was I too honest? Funny enough, he always tells me that he likes my sense of honesty with him, that he wished more people were like that.

The way I saw it: I had already stated plainly that I don't like this kind of things. I tried to make him understand that it was like giving me a motorcycle when I don't even like biking. He just didn't get it and he's still very angry at me. What can I do? I am confused as to what to do and can't understand his anger... His solution: he will never give me a gift again. The truth: this is his first bad present and he's taking it very badly. Shouldn't I be the one who is disappointed because he didn't listen to what I said? Any advice?

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 26, 2012 at 2:46 PM
Replies (41-50):
thatgirl70
by Carin on Dec. 28, 2012 at 12:09 AM
1 mom liked this

I think since it was something you told him you weren't interested in, he should have known better. My guess is that he was probably hoping you would change your mind and come around to his way of thinking and actually enjoy it. You had a good plan with giving him a wish list--that's what DH and I started doing years ago and that he should have followed, though having a surprise is nice too (when it's something you're actually into).

My DH is a lot like yours, he likes the tech stuff (though he's very practical and doesn't collect them "just because") and puts in a lot of research into what he wants to get. However, I'm also into tech stuff so getting a gadget actually pleases me, LOL (I got a 4th generation iPad).

New.OrleansLady
by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 8:52 AM
1 mom liked this
I would have taken it and learned to use it or use it from time to time. IMO yes you give him a list but you were wrong by asking to return it.
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leticiaterry
by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 9:27 AM
1 mom liked this
You did the right thing (maybe should have waited after Christmas), anger will go away (man like been right all the time). I'm assuming he's a grown man and should act as one, there's no reason for been so updaset, honesty is big part of marriage and you both will be much happier if you can keep that.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 28, 2012 at 9:28 AM
Get on Cafemom on it, lol.
LaughingTattoo
by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 9:33 AM
1 mom liked this

I see both sides of it. It was incredibly inconsiderate for him to get ou something that he knows you wouldnt like and made very clear prior to getting it that you did not want it.

But I think your timing was off....you should have left it in the packaging in plain sight until he asked why it was still there. Then you could have said "its not my thing, like ive previously told you".

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Dec. 28, 2012 at 9:35 AM
Lmao...... Sure!
romalove
by Member on Dec. 28, 2012 at 9:39 AM

I understand how you feel, OP.

My husband buys me things and I don't like them either, but I feel often that it's about the thought that counts and that's what makes me upset.  If I tell you "don't buy me that, I have no use for it", buying it for me as a surprise is not going to make me happy, it's going to make me think you just don't listen.   If I didn't wear last year's perfume and I wear the same one every day, buying me another one is going to end up with last year's, unused and in a pile.  

My favorite is nail polish.  My husband buys me red, the brightest darkest red nail polish he can find.  This year I got three bottles of it in different brands.  I get some version of this every year.

Only thing is, a) I don't wear nail polish because I can't keep it on my nails because of my business, b) when I do on occasion have to wear some I never wear red because I think it's too harsh and c) I have a spa party business and I own about 300 bottles of nail polish at any given time, all in every color you could imagine.

Husbands just don't listen.  So......sometimes we have to just accept that they don't listen or get it, and do what we can to move forward.

I will be married 30 years in July.

nellyb118
by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 9:40 AM
1 mom liked this
You could have waited instead of saying you didn't like it immediately. Maybe it would have softened the blow somewhat. But he should know you enough by now to know you don't like gadgets....do you think he was getting it for you because he wanted one??
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 28, 2012 at 10:23 AM

I buy my own presents and show dh what he got me.  Not because dh couldn't buy me things I like.  Because he hates to shop, period.  I bought me a purse for Mothers day.  Showed him what he got me, lol.  Christmas I usually buy a lot of scrapbooking things.  He could never ever pick out things for me and yes, I could go pick it all out and him go buy it but why?  Easier if I do it.  Yes, I never ever have a gift under the tree, but who cares???  I don't. I bought me a Cricut machine one year a few days before Christmas.  Showed dh what he got me. 

You should have waited for sure.  Never ever right away so you do not like it.  Huge mistake.  Really, you should give it time and just use it.  Deal.  I am sure my dh would be pissed if I asked for a receipt right after I got something too. 

annie2244
by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 1:13 PM
2 moms liked this


Quoting RANDERSON:

 He was excited about the gift so you should be too outwardly even if you aren't inwardly. If your child gave you something you weren't so excited about wouldn't you pretend you were? Well men are like kids in a lot of ways. . Just apologize for not being excited about the gift, tell him you have been thinking about it and you would like him to teach you how to use it.  The whole point is to make him feel important and that his choices are good. Men are looking for validation, it's an ego thing. I personally am still working on trying to always stroke my husbands ego.  so go give your husband a big kiss and tell him your the luckiest woman in the world.

OMG. Laura Schlessinger and the entire 1950's decade revisited. Men are children who's ego's need to be stroked.

Yuck! Not interested in another other than a mature adult relationship with an emotionally healthy guy.

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