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Advice: I disliked Christmas present from husband... and he's not taking it well.

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I am a bit confused as to what to do.

A little background story: my husband is into gadgets. I am not. Never have I been fond of fads or gadgets. I am more onto the practical side of things. I use what I need and, what I don't, I either give to someone who needs it or simply don't buy it. This is especially true for expensive gadgets.

My husband, on the other hand, likes all the new fad of touch-screen tablets and phones. He can't wait for the latest 3D TV to come out or the latest camera because he is either researching it or trying to get it (when he has a perfectly good flat screen TV or a two-year old camera he rarely ever uses. Anyways... that's how he is.)

In my case, I don't have time nor the use for those things. Those are the kind of things that collect dust in my closet, so to speak. I am busy with my kids, with the house or doing my own things to be preocuppied with what I call 'stuff.'

Well, for weeks now, my husband had been insisting that I use one of his computers (an ipad.) So, I did and hated it. I am not into touch-screen computers. I like a good keyboard and good speed. That's all I need and I already have a good laptop that works perfectly for me. And this is what I told my husband: 'I don't like it and I am happy with what I have. I do not want another computer.'

Well, come Christmas Day, he hands me a small present. To my surprise, it's an ipad mini. Not what I expected. Something I had told him was too gimmicky for me. I thought that was clear when he saw it on TV when it first came out. Around Thanksgiving Day I gave him my Christmas list... basically 'this is what I like and where you can get it'  (I even gave him the codes, seriously, so that he wouldn't have a hard time finding them - concert tickets, 2 perfume choices, 2 books, and 3 sweaters,,, he could choose from any of it.)

When I opened the present, I thanked him as gracefully as I could... however, I made the mistake of asking him if he had kept the receipt so that I could return it. He got very annoyed and later angry with me for not liking this present. Where did I make the mistake? Was I too honest? Funny enough, he always tells me that he likes my sense of honesty with him, that he wished more people were like that.

The way I saw it: I had already stated plainly that I don't like this kind of things. I tried to make him understand that it was like giving me a motorcycle when I don't even like biking. He just didn't get it and he's still very angry at me. What can I do? I am confused as to what to do and can't understand his anger... His solution: he will never give me a gift again. The truth: this is his first bad present and he's taking it very badly. Shouldn't I be the one who is disappointed because he didn't listen to what I said? Any advice?

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 26, 2012 at 2:46 PM
Replies (81-89):
Jenn_A
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 8:46 PM

I have no idea what to tell you except you are not alone!! My hubby is sweet, and thoughtful, and gets me the most useless nonsense presents! LOL It hurts his feelings if I say I don't like it, so I have learned to try it, and see if I do like it. Usually I don't. He just talked me into a touch screen phone that I really hate. I have convinced myself that I was going to have to get one sooner or later anyway! If you figure out what to do, PLEASE let me know!!

MidnightRambler
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 8:54 PM

There are a few Christmas gifts my husband has bought me over the years that I have returned. I'm sorry to disagree with almost everyone else here but it's wasteful to let it collect dust in the closet and dishonest to pretend to like it when you don't. He should WANT to give you something you will like and use. This year I bought something that wasn't on my husband's Christmas list (a GPS for the car). If he had taken it back, that would have been fine with me. I love my husband but I'm not a mind-reader and sometimes I don't know exactly what he wants.

Last year my husband gave me a garnet necklace, which was beautiful, but it was in a cross shape and I am not Christian. I knew I would never wear it so I exchanged it for something else that I do wear. He has also suggested getting me a Kindle or a Tassimo coffee maker and I told him that what I currently use to read and make coffee are just fine. Save 80% of your money and get me a book or a shirt. Maybe I'm too practical about these things.

 

Sweet_Carol_126
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 8:59 PM

My ex often did that - got me the present he wanted, not what I wanted.  He even bought me a sofa one time for anniversary (not to mention the unpersonal gift) but it was the color he wanted and not the color I told him I wanted.  We had 2 small kids and he got a white sofa.  I wanted a gold one which would weather to a darker gold while the white one just got dirty looking.  I did finally enjoy the microwave he got me.  I had never actually seen one before and it was expensive.  Yet it wasn't really a gift for me, not at the time.  I like computers and I buy my gifts myself. 

Many husband are like this but it seems controlling to me and not really caring as I think they should be.  They get what they want thinking you would like it too.  However, here you told him what you wanted and you told him you didn't like computers.  Why not sit down with  him and say I want to talk to you about something.  I realize to you the ipad was a great gift.  However, it isn't to me and I tried to let you know by telling you I wasn't interested in computers and didn't have much time for them with what I have to do around here.  I don't mean to hurt you.  I love you.  It also hurts me when you don't listen to me when I let you know what I want and it makes me feel that you don't respect my wishes by getting me a gift you want rather than what I want.  Some women might be excited to get the ipad and I understand it is quite expensive.  I just prefer something else but I do appreciate your wanting to get me a nice present.  It doesn't have anything to do with what I feel about you and it shouldn't make a difference in what you feel about me.  I feel that you are angry at me because I wanted something else.  Please give me your support. 

I don't know how he is about other things, but this may be a more controlling thing.  he is a lot like a lot of men, but if he stays angry at you or won't give you the receipt it might be a reason for concern.  Does he ask you to go to a movie, aak what you want to see and then rejects your choice and inserts his choice?  That is sort of an initial sign of abuse.  Has he ever hit you?  If he has that is a sign to leave.    If it is just his choice of presents it is not abuse, though could be a sign of it but not conclusive.  I am surprised at his vehemence and that makes me question his reaction.  Why not just give you the receipt and let you exchange it.  Even if it were a dress or a sweater, that didn't fit or you didn't like the color, well this gift didn't fit you and you just want to exchange it.  Good luck.  I hope he settles down and understand who you are and what you want.  He should not be angry at you and that is a method of control.  Good luck to  you and I hope this works out well.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 9 on Dec. 30, 2012 at 9:14 PM

 I think you were terribly rude. You should have asked for the receipt later in the evening or even waited until the next day. Hell, you could have gotten it out the box and attempted to mess around with it then exaggerated how much you didn't understand it and at that point say you think it would it would be a good idea to return it and get something more practical. But to ask for the receipt right after you opened it? Your husband has every right to be hurt.

raven1114
by Member on Dec. 30, 2012 at 10:51 PM

It sounds to me like he didn't put any thought into it. When you get a gift for someone you get them something they would like. You don't give someone a gift that they specifically told you they didn't like just because you like it.

Quoting 2kids19yrsapart:

Sounds like he put a lot of thought into it, and really didn't want to get you something that you gave him instructions to buy.  Maybe next year, make him a list of things you DON'T want, instead of what you do want.  I, for one, would have loved the gift, and I am not that "techy".  But, I am also like you, and would probably not have any clue how to use it.

Good luck, and I hope you both make up. 



Anonymous
by Anonymous 10 on Dec. 30, 2012 at 11:00 PM

Be grateful your husband even got you anything. You know what I got for Christmas? A small thing of shower gel that I bought for myself, and a pair of earrings from Walmart that cost $10. They were white peace signs for fucks sake! Know who gave it to me? DH. Know where he got them? His mother, because she knew he wouldn't buy me anything. You know what I did when I opened it? Gave him a big hug, said thank you, and wore them the rest of the day, and the next. 

It never ceases to amaze me how selfish people are these days.

ahappymommy
by Member on Dec. 30, 2012 at 11:03 PM

Did your mother never teach you manners??? You should have said you liked and learned to use it, he loved you enough to buy it didnt he? I think you were very rude, and he has every right to be pissed at you! My 8 year old even knows to smile and say thank you and keep a gift that you recive, because its the thought that counts, he didnt have to get you anything!

ivy801
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 11:09 PM

I was so dissapointed on Mohter's day when I open my gift and didn't get a radio like I wanted since mine is old and breaking down. He gave me a Kindle Fire and was so excited about but also told me if I didn't like it I could return it. I asked for the receipt and he got really agitated about it and told me he wasn't going to give it to me. I was like WTH I wanted a radio but he said he couldn't find me the right one, I was really upset and so was he and after a while I open the dang box, I played with it for a while and so did he, eventually I warmed up to it, I am also a big fan of holding a book in my hands and love to read but I downloaded some games for myself and dd and fun applications. I even got a few books on it. The nice thing is that hubby isn't allowed to touch it or play with it since he bought it for me. I even got Netflix on it for when I play with my scrapbook stuff. Sorry I wrote to much but maybe give it a try, my hubby got a list but prefers to try to buy me something on his own and this Christmas was the same thing. I'm still waitng for my black kittens.

ivy801
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 11:12 PM

One thing I told hubby after our first year together was if you get me a gift make it something for me not something you would like, problem with that is that sometimes we like the same things but not always.

Quoting raven1114:

It sounds to me like he didn't put any thought into it. When you get a gift for someone you get them something they would like. You don't give someone a gift that they specifically told you they didn't like just because you like it.

Quoting 2kids19yrsapart:

Sounds like he put a lot of thought into it, and really didn't want to get you something that you gave him instructions to buy.  Maybe next year, make him a list of things you DON'T want, instead of what you do want.  I, for one, would have loved the gift, and I am not that "techy".  But, I am also like you, and would probably not have any clue how to use it.

Good luck, and I hope you both make up. 




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