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The Cafe The Cafe

Sometimes I think it would be easier...

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 11 Replies
To be a single mom. Don't get me wrong; I know it's a ton of work and have insane respect for those who are and do a great job; especially the ones who have no help from the dads, but sometimes the dual parenting thing is a bitch!

I mean, we both work full time, yet most everything outside work is apparently my responsibility. And don't think I can take care of cleaning, cooking or paperwork during DD's waking hours. No way! Obviously I can try to do some cleaning and cooking, but minimal and with a 2-year old attached to me. Everything else is once she is in bed, but he can walk off and do whatever any time he pleases. And he acts like he had to get up early with DD, but it's me. He's in bed still. This morning DD was up at 5. I got up with her and he slept until 8:30. Then she wanted to keep playing with me so I was up all morning until 11 when I finally convinced him I needed a break since I've been up sick a few nights. I got less than an hour before he comes waking me up to make lunch. Seriously?! At least if it were just me I would not be resenting a grown man for not letting me sleep. I also put her to bed every night by myself. While I spend an hour bathing, dressing, reading, etc., he's watching tv, so I can come out after and pay the bills or do the laundry. Grrrr..
But the worst is the discipline. Everything I do is undermined by him. I discipline DD and he comforts her. She throws a fit, he caves and gives her whatever she wants. And he gets mad when she is screaming and I won't give in. So we get nowhere. It's terrible. I wanted 2 more kids. I still do. But not with him. So I guess I'm not getting any more. Because I do still love him so I'm not going anywhere, but I just wish he could parent with me instead of against me. Argh. I just need to vent.
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 1, 2013 at 9:14 PM
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Replies (1-10):
supermommie1
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 9:17 PM

you need to tell him this

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 1, 2013 at 9:26 PM
I have. It never gets us anywhere. :(

Well, I guess a little. In the past 3 months he has started packing DDs lunch for daycare so I at least don't need to do that in the morning before I drop her off. I should also say that he also helps out with dinner a lot. Of course that means it is definitely nothing healthy!

Quoting supermommie1:

you need to tell him this



ktp111
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 8:58 AM

i hear ya sister!!!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 2, 2013 at 9:24 AM
Communicate your needs. You are allowing him to be this way. He can make his own lunch. Wow, waking you up for this? How long have you kissed his butt? You created the monster. When I was first married, dh got up and ironed his shirts. Not me. When we could afford to send them out we did, until then he ironed.
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TypeAndRun
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 2:34 PM

You don't need to be a single mom, you need a husband that WANTS to be a father

spotsmom
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 5:04 PM

You need to talk to him. What you are describing is completely unfair. Put a stop to it NOW or you WILL wind up a single mom, because eventually the resentment will eat away at you and destroy your relationship. Don't let that happen. Speak up NOW and try to work up a fair division of home chores. And number one on the list is the co-parenting. He needs to help out, as in get her bathed and ready for bed while you do other chores, or vice versa. Do be willing to compromse, but stop being a doormat. The bottom line is that if you're BOTH WORKING FULL TIME then you should both be dividing the parenting and house chores evenly. And even if you were a SAHM, then you should STILL divide the parenting as evenly as possible. It's his child and his home, too...why should he get a complete pass on any work that's home related? Oh, and don't let him pull that "I mow the lawn and fix the car and do repairs" crap. Add THOSE hours up and compare it to child care (especially a young child) and daily household chores. It's not a drop in the bucket in comparison. Stop venting and MAKE CHANGES! Also, and probably most important of all, you need to be on the same page about discipline. IN other words, you both agree on HOW to discipline and parent, and you both back each other up. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 2, 2013 at 9:23 PM
I Should have clarified. He wanted me to make DDs lunch, but still... And I do not iron for him outside special occasions where I don't want to be seen with a wrinkled mess. I used to do his laundry, but I stopped a few months ago to make a point. Unfortunately that means he has a huge laundry bag full of stuff he "thinks" needs to be dry cleaned. And I have communicated my needs but it's like talking to a brick wall.

Quoting Anonymous:

Communicate your needs. You are allowing him to be this way. He can make his own lunch. Wow, waking you up for this? How long have you kissed his butt? You created the monster. When I was first married, dh got up and ironed his shirts. Not me. When we could afford to send them out we did, until then he ironed.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 2, 2013 at 9:25 PM
I hear what you are saying, but it's funny because you have never met a dad that worries more about his DD and he always tries to make sure she has whatever she needs, just apparently from me. :(

Quoting TypeAndRun:

You don't need to be a single mom, you need a husband that WANTS to be a father


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 2, 2013 at 9:27 PM
Quoting spotsmom:

You need to talk to him. What you are describing is completely unfair. Put a stop to it NOW or you WILL wind up a single mom, because eventually the resentment will eat away at you and destroy your relationship. Don't let that happen. Speak up NOW and try to work up a fair division of home chores. And number one on the list is the co-parenting. He needs to help out, as in get her bathed and ready for bed while you do other chores, or vice versa. Do be willing to compromse, but stop being a doormat. The bottom line is that if you're BOTH WORKING FULL TIME then you should both be dividing the parenting and house chores evenly. And even if you were a SAHM, then you should STILL divide the parenting as evenly as possible. It's his child and his home, too...why should he get a complete pass on any work that's home related? Oh, and don't let him pull that "I mow the lawn and fix the car and do repairs" crap. Add THOSE hours up and compare it to child care (especially a young child) and daily household chores. It's not a drop in the bucket in comparison. Stop venting and MAKE CHANGES! Also, and probably most important of all, you need to be on the same page about discipline. IN other words, you both agree on HOW to discipline and parent, and you both back each other up. 




Yeah, I am thinking "chore chart". I just hate to think of dd as a chore! And he always says he will take over paying bills, but I am not about I ruin my credit! He couldn't handle bills. And has no sense of money whatsoever.
sabrtooth1
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 9:35 PM

Instead of complaining to us, talk to HIM.  I quite sure he cannot read your mind.

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