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What would you do in the situation?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 8 Replies

I am 52 yrs old I have 3 kids ages 35, 32 & 11, I also have 3 grown step kids and 15 grandkids.

Well, my oldest who is 35 has 3 kids they seem to like the other grand parents better. They get more materialistic things from them they have a ton more money then us. They buy them clothes, shoes, pay for their hair cuts etc.

Not the point anyway, My 11 year old stayed with her sister last night, and she told my granddaughter very quietly to go in her room and watch my daughter so she didn't steal anything.

Now, I have to say she picked up a Webkinz that wasn't hers the other day but then put it back down when she realized she had more then she brought there.

She ( my 11 yr old) when she was like 5 did take something that wasn't hers and brought it home but has not done anything like that since.

Now, mind you my dd has 127 webkinz and since she in into them my oldest dd is trying to get my granddaughter into them also. My dd has a lot of stuff, she is not hurting for anything.

I guess what I am asking is how would you handle what the oldest daughter said to the dd my  granddaughter? (and it wasn't meant for my ears at all.)

Or would you just let it slide.

Now, my grandkids all have grandparents to spoil them. My dd only has my parents and my mom is not the maternal type and my dad is sick and has a ton of medical problems and my inlaws have all died. So we do spoil her even having 5 brothers and sisters she doesn't get a lot of good treatment from any of them.

I'm just kind of hurt my daughter would treat her like that when her kids get everything handed to them.

I hope you can understand since it is a long complicated mess. I tried to shorten it up some.

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 3, 2013 at 11:54 AM
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Replies (1-8):
momsince04
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 12:07 PM

I am alot younger than you, but maybe i can help :) I personally would rather not let my daughter go to a place where she will be treated like a criminal. I certainly would not let it slide either. I'm sure your 11 yr old is old enough to know what is going on and it probably makes her feel bad, especially if she's not doing anything wrong. I would talk to your oldest, and let her know, that if she can not trust her sister in her house, then to not invite her over there. I'm sure it's hard for your 11 yr old to see her nieces, and nephews get all this stuff from their grandparents, and her not able to have that, but if she is not a bad kid, then there would be no reason for your oldest daughter to react that way. The last thing you want is for your grandkids to be mean to her, or treat her different because of things their mom is saying. Kids are very mean, and it's even worse when the parents encourage it. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 3, 2013 at 12:16 PM


Quoting momsince04:

I am alot younger than you, but maybe i can help :) I personally would rather not let my daughter go to a place where she will be treated like a criminal. I certainly would not let it slide either. I'm sure your 11 yr old is old enough to know what is going on and it probably makes her feel bad, especially if she's not doing anything wrong. I would talk to your oldest, and let her know, that if she can not trust her sister in her house, then to not invite her over there. I'm sure it's hard for your 11 yr old to see her nieces, and nephews get all this stuff from their grandparents, and her not able to have that, but if she is not a bad kid, then there would be no reason for your oldest daughter to react that way. The last thing you want is for your grandkids to be mean to her, or treat her different because of things their mom is saying. Kids are very mean, and it's even worse when the parents encourage it. 

So how would I fix that she has no where else to go out of her 5 brothers and sisters she is the only one who will take her she would be the one that is anything happned to my dh & I that she would get her.

She has no grandparents to spoil her and take her places. No Aunts and Uncles to do anything with or for her.

My 11 yr old is a really good smart kid, I have tried to take to my oldest in the past and it resulted in her not talking to me or seeing my grandson was the only 1 she had then.

I do not want her to feel this lonely yet she does. I don't want to let her go there sometimes but she begs when she goes no where else.

momsince04
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 12:33 PM

Maybe there is something she is doing then at her brothers and sisters house, that they do not want her around. Talk to the rest of the kids and find out why they dont want her around. There must be more to it. Especially talk to your 11 yr old. My god son was the sweetest boy with me, and when he went with his grandma, or some other family, he would act out, yell at his grand parents, just a totally different kid. Maybe the 11 yr old is acting a certain way with the other kids, because there is jealousy, and and such a huge age gap. I am 20 yrs older than my little sister, and i treat her like my daughter not my sister. She is the same age as my son, and a year younger than my daughter.  I'm sure the 11 yr old sees what the other kids have, and it must make her upset. She's a kid, it would only be natural for her to feel some sort of emotion.

paknari
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 12:39 PM
I would've said something right away. She's your daughter whether or no she is an adult an it doesn't sound like you raised her to treat her sibling that way. My sister and I have a 13 year age difference and although we were not close when she was younger we are now. She should have just been open with the 11 year old. She's 11 not 5.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 3, 2013 at 12:43 PM


Quoting momsince04:

Maybe there is something she is doing then at her brothers and sisters house, that they do not want her around. Talk to the rest of the kids and find out why they dont want her around. There must be more to it. Especially talk to your 11 yr old. My god son was the sweetest boy with me, and when he went with his grandma, or some other family, he would act out, yell at his grand parents, just a totally different kid. Maybe the 11 yr old is acting a certain way with the other kids, because there is jealousy, and and such a huge age gap. I am 20 yrs older than my little sister, and i treat her like my daughter not my sister. She is the same age as my son, and a year younger than my daughter.  I'm sure the 11 yr old sees what the other kids have, and it must make her upset. She's a kid, it would only be natural for her to feel some sort of emotion.

I can tell you without talking to any of them. My stepsons 1 of them is single he would take her but it's just him and his dd when she comes to visit he has a really busy life but would take her in a heart beat, my other stepson and step dd live about 80 miles from us, my son and his wife we don't see at all.. their choice.

She's a good kid I have had tons of people tell me that like when she stays at friends houses or when the people who take her to school for me they want to adopt her they say she is the best kid and she really is.

I tend to go more with maybe my daughter is jealous of her sister being that much older I think she thought that maybe things would be different in our house then they were for me growing up and her growing up. We all grew up with Aunts and Uncles our age. Maybe this way her inlaws are spoiling her kids becuase they know we can't we have our dd to support. Then I got remarried and decided to have a baby with my dh.

Still doesn't make it any easier for my dd who has no one but her sister mostly. They all love her they just can't all be around her. KWIM?

momsince04
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 12:46 PM

absolutely

sabrtooth1
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 8:08 PM

 

Quoting Anonymous:  I have tried to take to my oldest in the past and it resulted in her not talking to me or seeing my grandson was the only 1 she had then.

You also say that she has no friends.  You are ignoring the fact that there IS A PROBLEM with your 11yo.  And she certainly does not need OTHER people to spoil her, when you are obviously doing a smashing job of it. 127 webkinz???  Give me a break.  And what do you expect your adult daughter to do with her HALF-sister--that she has nothing in common with?  I can tell you ONE reason why doesn't want to take of YOUR child -- she has her own kids to take care of. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 3, 2013 at 10:23 PM
Wow just wow just.She's her sister she should want to have something to do with her.Where in my post did I say I wanted hee to raise her ?
Did I say we bought all those webkinz ?Nope I did not .She gets them as gifts .Personally I think your advice stinks .If you can't give helpful advice maybe you shouldn't be answering posts .
My dd has plenty of friends she doesn't have grandparents do your kids have grandparents ?Why should my dd feel left out?
Sounds to me like you are angry about something &you really need to get a grip .

Quoting sabrtooth1:

 


Quoting Anonymous:  I have tried to take to my oldest in the past and it resulted in her not talking to me or seeing my grandson was the only 1 she had then.

You also say that she has no friends.  You are ignoring the fact that there IS A PROBLEM with your 11yo.  And she certainly does not need OTHER people to spoil her, when you are obviously doing a smashing job of it. 127 webkinz???  Give me a break.  And what do you expect your adult daughter to do with her HALF-sister--that she has nothing in common with?  I can tell you ONE reason why doesn't want to take of YOUR child -- she has her own kids to take care of. 

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