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My Best Friend Called Me A Submissive Wife

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 81 Replies
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I was having lunch with some friends from college today. My best friend (since we were 6) called me a submissive wife. I was upset. I asked her why she would say that. She gave me reasons like : You make his coffee and breakfast every morning. I have dinner waiting on him when he gets home. I never make plans without consulting him first. And my favorite....... She said, " And I know that you do not believe in withholding sex. If he wants it, he gets it."

This makes no sense to me. I am not submissive or am I? I just do those things because I want to, not because DH makes me.

Do you think these things make you submissive?

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 11, 2013 at 12:44 PM
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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 11, 2013 at 12:51 PM
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Sounds a little submissive. Been married 28 years and never asked dh IF I can do something. Told him 2 nights ago going to dinner and a movie with friends. Told him last night I was going to a different movie with different friends. That is a marriage, we are equal. He doesn't consult me when he stops by the cigar bar after work some. He tells me he is but not asking permission.asking permission is for children. Do not make coffee ever. If dinner is not on the table, too bad. If it is when he gets home, fine. If I am tired and don't want it, yep answer is no.
maecntpntz219
by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 12:52 PM
3 moms liked this

I think different women have a different meaning of "submissive". Being "submissive" does not necessarily mean you are his slave. It more or less means that you consider him to be the "head of household" with an "old fashioned" way of looking at your relationship as each having your own duties or roles to fill as woman and man. Nothing wrong with that if it works for you.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 11, 2013 at 12:56 PM
4 moms liked this


Quoting Anonymous:

Sounds a little submissive. Been married 28 years and never asked dh IF I can do something. Told him 2 nights ago going to dinner and a movie with friends. Told him last night I was going to a different movie with different friends. That is a marriage, we are equal. He doesn't consult me when he stops by the cigar bar after work some. He tells me he is but not asking permission.asking permission is for children. Do not make coffee ever. If dinner is not on the table, too bad. If it is when he gets home, fine. If I am tired and don't want it, yep answer is no.

I go to dinner and movies with my friends too, but I always check to make sure he doesn't have other plans. I consult not ask for permission. As for dinner. I have 4 kids and one on the way. We desperately need structure. So dinner is ready by 6 everyday.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 11, 2013 at 12:58 PM


Quoting maecntpntz219:

I think different women have a different meaning of "submissive". Being "submissive" does not necessarily mean you are his slave. It more or less means that you consider him to be the "head of household" with an "old fashioned" way of looking at your relationship as each having your own duties or roles to fill as woman and man. Nothing wrong with that if it works for you.

I guess one could say that we are a little "old fashioned" but I am in no way a lesser partner. I works for us.

maecntpntz219
by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 1:00 PM

Doesn't mean you aren't equal, just means you have separate roles in your marriage but you both contribute equally to make your partnership whole. Personally I'm not as old fashioned, and my husband and I both have the same roles to contribute equally but that's just what works for us. To each their own as long as they're happy, right? :)

LaughingTattoo
by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 1:02 PM
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I am a submissive wife (not to be confused with doormat...I have equal say). The way you treat your husband is common practice for  a sub BUT does not make you a sub

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 11, 2013 at 1:06 PM


Quoting maecntpntz219:

Doesn't mean you aren't equal, just means you have separate roles in your marriage but you both contribute equally to make your partnership whole. Personally I'm not as old fashioned, and my husband and I both have the same roles to contribute equally but that's just what works for us. To each their own as long as they're happy, right? :)

So true! Whatever makes you happy!

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 11, 2013 at 1:11 PM
1 mom liked this

she seems to be using submissive like a bad word, it is not.  what you do is considered respectful, if you asked for a cup of coffee, I bet he would do the same for you.  Submissive in the bedroom is another thing.  there is nothing more empowering than being in control of everything around you and giving up that power to someone you totally trust in the bedroom.

stacefaceninja
by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 1:12 PM
3 moms liked this

I fix mine and DH's coffee every morning....I also have dinner waiting on him. I don't withhold sex simply because it's stupid for me to have to suffer along with him. I happen to enjoy sex. A lot. I bet you do too! I don't make plans anymore because my time just doesn't allow it...but if I did I would run it by him first...just to make sure that he didn't already have something planned for US. He's sweet like that;)

I'm sure some could call me "submissive"...but that's because they've never been in bed with me:)

-If for any reason you feel an urge to correct my grammar, spelling, or punctuation, please suppress this urge. You are not important enough to me to spend time editing before I post.  I will just laugh at you-

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 11, 2013 at 1:17 PM


Quoting Anonymous:

she seems to be using submissive like a bad word, it is not.  what you do is considered respectful, if you asked for a cup of coffee, I bet he would do the same for you.  Submissive in the bedroom is another thing.  there is nothing more empowering than being in control of everything around you and giving up that power to someone you totally trust in the bedroom.

Yes, the way she said it at the table in front of my other friends felt very derogative. And most definitely he would get me a cup of coffee. I am pregnant with 4 kids under 7. There are days when, after dinner, I just want to take a bath and go to bed. He never fusses about this. He gets the kids to bed happily.

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