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My husband has lost his patience

Posted by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 10:35 AM
  • 25 Replies

My husband is a great father, I hear it from other people all the time, him and our daughter are best friends. With our daughter (who is now 2 1/2) he was very patient and attentive when she was a newborn but with our newborn son now he has no patience. He is a carpenter and has been laid off this winter so he is a bit stir crazy and stressed out. He acts as if he feels burdened by having to take care of the baby while Im showering or trying to get some extra sleep. I hear him say to the baby things like "Jesus, just shut up" or the baby will just be crying and my husband will continue playing COD instead of picking the baby up. If the baby isnt soothed by a binkie, he just has to cry because he wont actually pick him up and rock him. I dont get it because he played SUCH a HUGE role in taking care of our daughter.

Do you think once he goes back to work things will get better? Is there anything I can do to encourage him to get off the video games and be with his family without triggering negative reaction from him (he says Im always nagging about the game and that its what makes him happy and to just let him play [which he plays for an average of 8 hours a day])?

by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 10:35 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 18, 2013 at 11:20 AM
This is a really difficult thing to address, because there could be so many reasons/scenarios. I guess my first thought would be that these could be signs of depression.

Asking someone if they're depressed isn't always a simple matter, though. Often they're in denial--or don't even realize it themselves. I am not sure if you have insurance or not, but if you do, you might first ask his primary doctor to see him and express your concern. If you don't have insurance, you might see if there is some kind of mental health assistance in your area. Depression can be serious, if this is what's going on with him.

Again, there could be other reasons; so I am not saying for sure this is it. But given he was laid-off, it would be the first place I suggest you start.

Best wishes to you and your family
Laytons.Mom
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 1:35 PM

Depression is what I am worried about. I could imagine alot of issues piling up on his shoulders right about now. I just think he may regret this after he realizes the bonding opportunity that he missed in this first weeks and months of life. I hope that once he gets back to work the video games and attitude stops or atleast tones down some. He is such a great man, I wish he get back to the man that he is truly.

EarlGrayHot
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 2:23 PM

Telling your kid to shut up is totally inappropriate.  Tell his so immediately.  Then ask him if he's a bit depressed about losing his job and offer some suggestions.  Do not tolerate this kind of behavior toward your child.

Laytons.Mom
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 2:34 PM

 oh trust me, I let him know. I make him tell the baby sorry for losing his cool. Sometimes he does, other times, I just get a nasty look. But I will go grab the baby and bring him and our daughter in the other room or leave anytime my husband is acting short tempered.

But these are times you will never get back and I dont want him to regret anything.


Quoting EarlGrayHot:

Telling your kid to shut up is totally inappropriate.  Tell his so immediately.  Then ask him if he's a bit depressed about losing his job and offer some suggestions.  Do not tolerate this kind of behavior toward your child.


 

amonkeymom
by Bronze Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 2:40 PM
1 mom liked this

Depression was my first thought as well and being out of work/underworked could definitely cause it.

Quoting Anonymous:

This is a really difficult thing to address, because there could be so many reasons/scenarios. I guess my first thought would be that these could be signs of depression.

Asking someone if they're depressed isn't always a simple matter, though. Often they're in denial--or don't even realize it themselves. I am not sure if you have insurance or not, but if you do, you might first ask his primary doctor to see him and express your concern. If you don't have insurance, you might see if there is some kind of mental health assistance in your area. Depression can be serious, if this is what's going on with him.

Again, there could be other reasons; so I am not saying for sure this is it. But given he was laid-off, it would be the first place I suggest you start.

Best wishes to you and your family


danie24
by Platinum Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 3:18 PM

 

He sounds like he's suffering from depression.

Don't be afraid to talk to him about it.

He needs to see his doctor. His behaviour is completely innapropriate.

grannie_kel
by Bronze Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 4:31 PM

There could be an element of depression with not working, but that is no excuse for the way he is acting.  If he is playing games 8 hours a day, how many hours a day is he looking for work?  That is what he should be doing 8 hours a day.  You are married to someone with the maturity of a child.  Depression or not, you should not let your younger child be abused by this man, and that is exactly what this is.  You should give him 1 minute (not weeks or days or even hours), just 1 minute to straighten himself up and be a father to this child  and a husband to you and if he doesn't turn around in that 1 minute, show him the door.   It seems you are the only parent this baby has, it is up to you to protect him. 

Marimaru
by Sarah Joy on Jan. 18, 2013 at 6:26 PM

If your husband's answer is that his game is what makes him happy, my response would be that he needs to figure out what he needs to do with himself that his family makes him happy.

He probably is depressed, and probably needs some help, but I would not put up with my husband talking to my kids like that or letting the baby cry like that.

deltathree
by Bronze Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 3:52 PM

oh dear , that's not good at all.  Immature & a def. safety issue for your baby.  You need to talk to him asap.

Venae
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 4:01 PM

Whether he's laid off or not, he sure as hell doesn't need to be sitting around playing video games for 8 hours a day like a 12 year old.  He is depressed - get him to the local social services to talk to someone.  I would suggest that you get a job while he watches the kids, but I wouldnt trust him.  

If he so much as lays a hand on either of the kids, call the cops and move back home w/your parents.

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