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Need help with sex, stress and age... SERIOUS POST

Posted by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 12:25 PM
  • 8 Replies

Well, I don't know exactly how to put this, but to just blurt it out...

I am a 38 yr old woman, in a relationship with a 30 yr old man who has an 11 1/2 yr old son. He is my step-son. I spend most of my time taking care of both of them. I have been put in the main parenting role. Son sees biomom only 8 hours in a week as father has custody and that is all she got in the divorce. So, I am the main mom. This has turned in to a very stressful job at times for me, not being the "mom" and having to deal with her.  I take it at times in stride knowing she only got 8 hrs for a reason, and then the jabs at times hurt and I take them personally. I cannot have children of my own. Here comes the stressful and sex problems. I had a hysterectomy. My hormones have played havoc on my body. I have been taking bio-identical hormones since 2005. They have been good to me, but without my own hormones and adjustments in them I still feel like a roller-coaster sometimes and most of the time do not get as "wet" per se as I did in my early 20's before my hyst. Is this normal? 

My 30 yr old man thinks I am out of his league and wants to lavish all over me. Touch me and caress me and love me. I am bowled over by his affections and do not want on that pedestal, he has a low self esteem and thinks I am "out-of his league". I am to the point of pushing him away at times, OK to be honest, most of the time as I feel lots of men have used me as that beauty object. It has put a large strain recently on our relationship. 

My past includes 3 rapes and men trying to use me as I am small build with large breasts that attract more than I want for attention. 

But, between stress that this has caused, I suffer from migraines, the more he pushes, the more migraines, I get, the more I can't relax to even be intimate. Then, financially we are struggling, so I am stressed over that, and then being a full-time parent and making the house run smoothly, and can my age and hormones play a part in the "not really want to". And has anyone else ever been put off by a man just wanting to touch you 24/7?? Maybe I am just weird... 

If anyone has some SERIOUS input, I would really respect some help.
If you are just here to troll, buzz off...

Thanks moms!!  

*You can't stop loving or wanting to love because when it is right, it is the best thing in the world. When you're in a relationship and it's good, even if nothing else in your life is right, you feel like your whole world is complete.* Keith Sweat


CafeMom Tickers
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 12:25 PM
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Replies (1-8):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jan. 21, 2013 at 9:31 PM

I'm 41 and feel the same way but not for the same exact reasons. I still have my uterus and ovaries, but I, too have the same issues and feelings. Not sure if it hormones or stress that I constantly have trying to care for a disabled son. In any event, I think being paired with a younger, more sexually active man doesn't help. I wouldn't want to be man handled all day either. 

PartyGalAnne
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 2:05 AM

Even by your typing I can tell that your brain is all over the place.

When you are acting as mom, act as mom.

When you are acting as sex kitten, act as sex kitten.

We all wear multiple hats in the different roles in our lives. Surgeons dont come home and tell their 4 year olds how they cut into someone and all the blood and guts were everywhere as they cook dinner. You turn off that part of your day when it's over.

As far as getting "wet" goes, that's part of being a woman. At age 30 you begin producing less estrogen which regulates vaginal moisture, so you're going to have to pick up some lubricant. That doesn't mean anything. You can still feel urges, have orgasms, and connect intimately with someone without being "wet". If he likes older women, he should know this.

Have you sought help for the rapes? Talking with someone about that can help you move forward and deal with your feelings about sex. If your boyfriend knows you've been raped he should "hopefully" be mindful of groping you and how he approaches sex.


websorceress
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 2:15 AM
1 mom liked this

Honestly, talk to your doctor, if you do not get any good answers, find another one. It sounds like you need an endocrinologist more then a regular doctor........your migraines, lack of sexual desire and dryness are sure signs of a hormonal imbalance.....I would also suggest looking into your diet and alternative medicine, especially if your regular doc doesn't have any better options..........just because a med works for a long time, doesn't mean you won't need a change somewhere down the line....good luck!

Anidawehiwahya
by Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 11:02 AM

Thanks..After posting this, we talked and did talk about getting some lubricant, possibly some KY. I also talked to him and told him that the other problem is it is very hard to feel like when the only attention I get is sexual is very hard. I need a partner. I need someone to talk to. He understands that when he does not talk to me, I feel very lonely and it makes my life that much harder, he has always been quiet, but understood, that when we first met and we talked to get to know each other and talked 3 times a day on his breaks and now only one time a day, my days were less stressful. He is on a new shift and so things are different. I do  understand that. But when he is home, I do need him. We have talked about gong to counseling together, so hopefully some things will be worked out and helped. Thanks so much for your input. It was greatly appreciated.. :) Wahya..

you rock

Quoting PartyGalAnne:

Even by your typing I can tell that your brain is all over the place.

When you are acting as mom, act as mom.

When you are acting as sex kitten, act as sex kitten.

We all wear multiple hats in the different roles in our lives. Surgeons dont come home and tell their 4 year olds how they cut into someone and all the blood and guts were everywhere as they cook dinner. You turn off that part of your day when it's over.

As far as getting "wet" goes, that's part of being a woman. At age 30 you begin producing less estrogen which regulates vaginal moisture, so you're going to have to pick up some lubricant. That doesn't mean anything. You can still feel urges, have orgasms, and connect intimately with someone without being "wet". If he likes older women, he should know this.

Have you sought help for the rapes? Talking with someone about that can help you move forward and deal with your feelings about sex. If your boyfriend knows you've been raped he should "hopefully" be mindful of groping you and how he approaches sex.




Anidawehiwahya
by Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 11:15 AM

Thanks... My doctor is kind of a specialist, which is how I got on bioidentical hormones to start with. He watches my hormone levels very closely. I also take topamax for migraines, atarax for allregies and migraines, and I have hypothyroidism and am on armour thyroid. Mostly the thyroid and the hormones are what mess things up, but other meds can change moods. The topamax can change moods, and so can my sleep medicine which is desyrel. We just changed my hormones to every other day, this has put them back in balance in my body, lessened the breast soreness, but dwindled the sex appeal and lessened the lubrication that my body made when the dose was higher. Thanks so much for your input. I have tried an endocrinologist as that is how I found out that I had a pituitary gland at the upper limits of normal. What kind of diet can help?? I am interested.. Could you be a bit more specific?? Most of my diet now consists of protien, fruits and veggies, low carb, water, not much fast food (maybe once every week or two), one can of pop (not diet) every week or so, high fiber foods (as our son is on a high fiber diet due to his constipation problems- not much dairy due to that), skim milk only but not much, very little sugar and very low sodium, love my spices and peppers, love garlic. Cannot have fresh fruits and veggies- must be cooked or canned (am allergic), Any other ideas would be greatly appreciated, and I will take them up with my dr. My dr is convinced that my migraines are due to Lyme, but will not treat the Lyme currently due to the fact that Lyme treating causes more sickness to begin with. Hope this helps.. 

Much appreaicted, 

Wahya... :)

thank you


Quoting websorceress:

Honestly, talk to your doctor, if you do not get any good answers, find another one. It sounds like you need an endocrinologist more then a regular doctor........your migraines, lack of sexual desire and dryness are sure signs of a hormonal imbalance.....I would also suggest looking into your diet and alternative medicine, especially if your regular doc doesn't have any better options..........just because a med works for a long time, doesn't mean you won't need a change somewhere down the line....good luck!



Anidawehiwahya
by Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 11:19 AM

Thanks for understanding. It is nice to know that being man-handled and not liking it is not just me!! :) I do not have a disabled son to care for, but I am payee for my brother who is disabled, and that too gets tiring on to p of life here at times. I grew up with brothers and sisters with disabilies, I am not sure how my parents did it.. :) Blesssings to you!! Thanks for responding, 

Wahya

simple smile


Quoting Anonymous:

I'm 41 and feel the same way but not for the same exact reasons. I still have my uterus and ovaries, but I, too have the same issues and feelings. Not sure if it hormones or stress that I constantly have trying to care for a disabled son. In any event, I think being paired with a younger, more sexually active man doesn't help. I wouldn't want to be man handled all day either. 



PartyGalAnne
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 12:45 PM

NO KY- KY is fine for the doctor to use, but not great for intimacy.

Get astroglide naturals. Nothing but water, aloe and a little vitamin E in there!

Also, I read your other response that mentioned more about migraines. I am a migraine sufferer too, for over 20 years. Mine are usually in concert with ovulation and menstruation, but the other thing I noticed sets me off is GARLIC!
I love it too, but I know if there are certain things I eat I'll be in bed the whole next day! Take a look at your Garlic intake!

Anidawehiwahya
by Member on Jan. 23, 2013 at 11:17 AM

Thanks... but, is there something that does not have aloe in it.. I like the idea of the Vit E, but the Aloe I am allergic to, don't think that would be such a great feeling (would be more like a yeast infection on fire.. LOL). Hmm, never knew about the garlic and migraines, will have to take a look into that and talk to my dr about that. Will keep a food/ migraine diary again and see. Did for a while, but never really did think about the additives in the food, just the actualy food. Thanks for your input. Have a great rest of the week. If you can think of anything else, would be glad to know.. :) Wahya.. 

thank you


Quoting PartyGalAnne:

NO KY- KY is fine for the doctor to use, but not great for intimacy.

Get astroglide naturals. Nothing but water, aloe and a little vitamin E in there!

Also, I read your other response that mentioned more about migraines. I am a migraine sufferer too, for over 20 years. Mine are usually in concert with ovulation and menstruation, but the other thing I noticed sets me off is GARLIC!
I love it too, but I know if there are certain things I eat I'll be in bed the whole next day! Take a look at your Garlic intake!



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