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The Cafe The Cafe

please help - I cant stop.

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I need some real advice please...

I cannot stop yelling at my kids.  I cant stand it anymore.  I have had posts like this in the past and I get everyone has had those days, its normal, etc. 

This is NOT normal.  I yell everyday, multiple times a day for nop reason at all.  Things that I should not even be yelling at them for.  I feel completely guilty afterwards, but cannot stop myself before hand because I am sooo frustrated. 

I dont know what to do. 

Most of the yelling (NOT ALL) comes when I am trying to do something and they are climbing on me or getting in my face.  Other times it could be they are fighting, or constantly getting into stuff and I am literally chasing them around cleaning up after them - which then gives me no time for myself or to spend with them.

IDK - any ideas besides therapy?  I am tired of yelling to the point of losing my voice. 

And I have tried just talking to them first and they dont listen until i yell also.  I can say something like please put your toys away and i get ignored and by the 10th time saying it within 5 minutes I am screaming  put your toys away now at the top of my lungs.  Then they listen to me.  I hate it. 

time outs DO NOT work either so please dont bother replying with that and yes I am consistent with it. 

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 26, 2013 at 12:48 PM
Replies (31-35):
imamomzilla
by Silver Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 11:22 AM
1 mom liked this

 OP, one of the best parenting books I'd ever read was called "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer"....it was so good I gave a copy to every mom-to-be I knew.

The author of the book, Tracy Hogg did a follow up for toddlers. Check to see if your library carries it. :-)

whatmynameagain
by Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 11:40 AM
1 mom liked this
Oh boy I knowhow this can feel. First I get you're opposed to therapy so maybe yru to get some time to yourself put om some music you like or a bath and just have some alone time for you. It cam be stressful to be everyone elses everything 24/7. You sound like you need time for you to be you. I know when.I start getting angry its bc of stress. I find journaling and walking to help a lot but everybody has different ways to unwind. For me also journaling helps me get my thoughts organized and think about where my feelings are coming from so I can better deal with them. I alsptend to react in the moment when I feeloverwgeed and the best advice I have so far is itsand ol walk away toa another roomroute and gather your thoughts a minute if you need to during the times when the kids aren't killing eachother but making you crazy.
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samamfee
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 4:17 AM

Do they have a dad at home. If so get him involved to support you . Especially in front of the kids. If there isn't a father involved.; sign them all up for programs at the local church. They will come pick them up and bring them back.Try to find as many child activities as possible.Keep them signed up  for all of them Then when they get home, they will be so tired they will go to sleep after supper almost at the table.Sounds kinda mean but it's not. And  you need some time away  from them or you are gonna have a heart attack

GertieK
by Silver Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 9:41 AM

I guess I am the old fashioned one here - because it sounds to me like they just plain old lack discipline - from you.  Here is the way I have always understood human nature.  Everything we do in life is done because we get rewarded in one way or another - be it a raise at work or a smile from our child.  When something we do results in consequences in which the pain outweighs the reward -  we stop.  That is human nature, and it applies to all ages, both children and adults.  When the consequences of their actions are ones that cause them pain - they will stop.  You HAVE to be consistent, though.  If you say you are going to do something if they continue with their behavior, you must be prepared to do exactly what you said you would do,.... every single time.  My own personal choice was spanking.  My (four) kids probably only got spanked 5 or 6 times in their whole lives, but once they understood that spanking was the end result and could depend on me doing what I said I would do, they got it together and figured it out.  Of course they were still kids, and we had many adventures with learning how to behave as they grew up, but you must teach them that you are in charge, and what you say is what is going to happen.  Discipline is security for kids, whether they know it or not.  Having boundaries they cannot cross allows them a sense of security.  As they learn to appropriately manage the boundaries you have set, you can expand those boundaries... as long as their behavior is appropriate.  If they act inappropriately, you take action immediately - without 2nd chances - because they know exactly what they are supposed (and not supposed) to do.  It is extremely difficult, especially early on, because they will fight you every step of the way.  But once you have established the fact that you are the mama and what you say is the real deal, they will be much easier to live with, and everyone will be much happier.... and this will contribute to their willingness to listen to you.  Allowing them to run rampant will put them at a huge disadvantage when they are living in the real world, because other people will not put up with that kind of treatment. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 29, 2013 at 9:50 AM


Even though I don't spank my son (yet, lol).  I completely agree with this.  Boundaries, expectations and enforcement.  My son is a pretty good kid and rarely gets into trouble, but it's because he knows I am in charge and he'd best behave like he is expected to. 

Quoting GertieK:

I guess I am the old fashioned one here - because it sounds to me like they just plain old lack discipline - from you.  Here is the way I have always understood human nature.  Everything we do in life is done because we get rewarded in one way or another - be it a raise at work or a smile from our child.  When something we do results in consequences in which the pain outweighs the reward -  we stop.  That is human nature, and it applies to all ages, both children and adults.  When the consequences of their actions are ones that cause them pain - they will stop.  You HAVE to be consistent, though.  If you say you are going to do something if they continue with their behavior, you must be prepared to do exactly what you said you would do,.... every single time.  My own personal choice was spanking.  My (four) kids probably only got spanked 5 or 6 times in their whole lives, but once they understood that spanking was the end result and could depend on me doing what I said I would do, they got it together and figured it out.  Of course they were still kids, and we had many adventures with learning how to behave as they grew up, but you must teach them that you are in charge, and what you say is what is going to happen.  Discipline is security for kids, whether they know it or not.  Having boundaries they cannot cross allows them a sense of security.  As they learn to appropriately manage the boundaries you have set, you can expand those boundaries... as long as their behavior is appropriate.  If they act inappropriately, you take action immediately - without 2nd chances - because they know exactly what they are supposed (and not supposed) to do.  It is extremely difficult, especially early on, because they will fight you every step of the way.  But once you have established the fact that you are the mama and what you say is the real deal, they will be much easier to live with, and everyone will be much happier.... and this will contribute to their willingness to listen to you.  Allowing them to run rampant will put them at a huge disadvantage when they are living in the real world, because other people will not put up with that kind of treatment. 



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