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Feel free to be honest

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 9 Replies

I'm writing a story.  I tried this before and then my computer messed up and I had no back up so I lost everything.  Anyway this is just a start for something new and I havent put in any punctuation or anything  really so I know that part needs work.  Just tell me if its something that would interest you if you have a sec.  Thanks in advance ladies


    Standing on the balcony of a high rise hotel she could see the sun rising up over the ocean.  Breathtaking was the best way to describe it and even though this wasn't her first time witnessing this beautiful occurence she was still completely amazed.  "I suppose I should be going." she thought to herself quietly.   She wanted to be gone before her date from the night before awakened.  She tiptoed back inside quietly, pushing back the burgundy curtains that covered the sliding doors to the balcony.  There was barely any light in the room but enough that she could see to gather her things from the floor.  He was still sleeping and likely would be for the next few hours thanks to the heavy amount of drinking he had done just a few hours earlier.  "I wish I could remember what his name was."  She whispered.  "Not that it really matters." she thought as she quietly lifted his pants from the floor.  Rummaging through the pockets of his blue jeans she finally found his wallet and opened it to remove any cash contained inside.   She placed his wallet back into his pants and left them on the floor before she slipped out the door and into the hallway. 

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 28, 2013 at 1:50 AM
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Replies (1-9):
907PickleMom
by Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 3:01 AM
Has potential..
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Leobaby2007
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 3:08 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting 907PickleMom:

Has potential..

Definitely. I agree. On a technical note, some the punctuation may be incorrect- instead of periods in certain places, there should be commas and I am not sure thoughts should be in quotes, but I like, I like! 

If this was the opening paragraph to a novel I started reading, I would definitely keeping going! :-)

emeraldangel2.0
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 9:55 AM


Quoting 907PickleMom:

Has potential..



ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Jan. 28, 2013 at 9:57 AM

No

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 28, 2013 at 4:57 PM
Thank you. I know it needs a lot of work punctuation wise but at the time I was just getting the idea down to see if it was any good. I would be going back to correct it.


Quoting Leobaby2007:


Quoting 907PickleMom:

Has potential..

Definitely. I agree. On a technical note, some the punctuation may be incorrect- instead of periods in certain places, there should be commas and I am not sure thoughts should be in quotes, but I like, I like! 

If this was the opening paragraph to a novel I started reading, I would definitely keeping going! :-)


SWasson
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 7:28 PM

I'm going to give you a verbal ass-kicking for laziness. Rather than make us mentally correct your punctuation in order to make sense of it, just edit it before asking us if your hundred-or-so words are interesting enough to continue with. I'm getting the sense you're very, very lazy about writing. Lazy writers aren't good writers.


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 28, 2013 at 7:38 PM
I appreciate your criticism. . . I'm not lazy about it, it was 2 am & I just didn't read back through it right then.


Quoting SWasson:

I'm going to give you a verbal ass-kicking for laziness. Rather than make us mentally correct your punctuation in order to make sense of it, just edit it before asking us if your hundred-or-so words are interesting enough to continue with. I'm getting the sense you're very, very lazy about writing. Lazy writers aren't good writers.



PacificNW1994
by New Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 7:51 PM

You caught my interest......I would definitely want to continue to see what happens.

Christine9576
by Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 1:19 AM
Honest???... The last time I was honest on cm I got insulted (even when I answered a simple yes or no question. By the way, I like your story..maybe I am wrong but I happen to like honesty.
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