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help me understand

Posted by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 2:45 PM
  • 11 Replies

Help me understand how women (not all) don't want to be friends with you unless you're a backstabber or are fake or you just ade not bothered by those two traits. This is mind boggling to me..you'd think that being an honest person and a loyal friend are traits that someone would want to have in a friend.

by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 2:45 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ambertreas76
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 2:56 PM
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I just had to let go of a 'friend'. I called her out on her bullshit (fortunately I am an honest person) and now she wants nothing to do with me. It is sad indeed. 16 years of a lie, apparently. She was never a friend. All of her friends, whom she actually makes time for, took the trump card over me because they were rich and lacked integrity/honesty.
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TinaNicu
by Member on Feb. 13, 2013 at 2:56 PM

Idk. Maybe they thrive on drama and gossip?

gigis1
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 3:33 PM

that was how my friends were til i stopped talking to them and found others that werent like that too

jbradford
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 4:19 PM
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I don't think that's entirely true. Birds of a feather, flock together. I am a very honest person. I don't have tons of friends mostly because I am not interested in baloney. You're better off without her.
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littleangelgone
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 9:03 PM
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Thanks guys..I just went through something like this with a friend, or shall I say "ex" friend and it makes me sad that things have to be this way, I gues some people just can't handle criticism or the truth, they want to be told what they wab to hear. Anyway, lets hope for better friends who have qualities that are in line with ours and understand the importance and meaning of a true friend.

Hulagirl55
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 1:42 AM
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I've had to "break up" with a friend before. I couldn't handle her self centered, "the world revolves around me" attitude anymore. I must say, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders once I did this. It's been years since I did this. I don't regret it for one second.

childofGod995
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 10:59 AM
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do you really want to waist your time trying to understand something that is unhealthy for you. i would just continue with your good friends and do not talk to the ones that you do not like talking to for the way they are. you have to have healthy relationships so you feel healthy.

GertieK
by Silver Member on Feb. 15, 2013 at 11:02 AM

By definition, she wasn't a friend.  I have lots of friends who are honest and kind.  I have a limited number of "sisters" who I can depend on to be completely honest with me, call me out on BS (as I do them), do not judge, and who would swim the sea to come help me.  They would never lie to spare my feelings.  Those kind of women are out there, but you have to be particular about who you trust.  My "sisters" have been my friends for over 35 years.  I depend on their honesty and their consistency.  It is also a two-way street.  I want them to be able to depend on me the same way.

NearSeattleMom
by Silver Member on Feb. 15, 2013 at 5:20 PM
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Quoting littleangelgone:

Thanks guys..I just went through something like this with a friend, or shall I say "ex" friend and it makes me sad that things have to be this way, I gues some people just can't handle criticism or the truth, they want to be told what they wab to hear. Anyway, lets hope for better friends who have qualities that are in line with ours and understand the importance and meaning of a true friend.

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littleangelgone
by on Feb. 16, 2013 at 10:49 AM

I couldn't have said it better myself..This girl and I have known each other for over 10 years but only have been friends for 3 and in that time we considered each other "sisters" or best friends. Anyhow throughout this period she was single and hurting from her last break up, I tried to there as much as I could, even though I barely saw my husband because we both have hectic schedules. So many times, Friday and Sat night were really the only time I had to spend with my husband. Well J, lets call her J, would call me to go out because she felt alone blah blah. I would leave my husband and go be with her because I thought that's what good friends do, and if I was in her position I wouldn't want to be alone either.

Anyhow, she has been there for me as well, I can't deny that, BUT until she met her now husband. My husband knows him, while I don't but He kind of gave a little bit of history about this guy. Needless to say he is controlling and plain weird. I still remember going with J to brunch and her telling me oh B (her fiance) told me I can't wear this shade of nail polish, excuse me? Well that's not a good sign, I tried to tell her. Even at her wedding she wasn't happy....

Well here comes my birthday, J and B are married at this point. Well, she waited to tell me until after the party started that she "can't" make it. I was upset I mean one of friends that came has 2 kids and she found a way to come so I call bs on her excuse. Sure enough, I met up with a mutual friend who told me that J thinks I am upset because she FORGOT to text me that she can't make it to my bday. Also it was all because B didn't know anyone ( he moved here from Oregon) so pretty much told her I don't want to go and feel ackward. So at this point I decided that this is no friend and I am wasting my time so I stopped talking to her. She kept bugging me about why am I mad at her, so eventually I told here, she pretty much took no responsability and that was that.

Well last Friday I text her and told her that I don't want thinks to be ackward when we're at this every 2 week gettogether and I don't want her to think that I hate her because that is not the case. Well, she said, I'm happy you text me I feel the same way, blah blah one thing leads to another and she suggested we go to brunch on Sat (today). Sure I said, I'll see you there. Well not an hour after we had this conversation she texts me and tells me, you know I've been thinking about it and I don't think we should meet up, we couldn't be as close as we were, the trust is not there. You little b***** you asked me to go, I wasn't going to be as close with YOU because YOU are the one who has been a complete a** and  abad friend.

So that really left me pissed and confused, becuase I know without a doubt that she talked to B and he told her to say that. I'm happy it happened becuase if I had any doubts, now I don't, but still. Who does that..



Quoting GertieK:

By definition, she wasn't a friend.  I have lots of friends who are honest and kind.  I have a limited number of "sisters" who I can depend on to be completely honest with me, call me out on BS (as I do them), do not judge, and who would swim the sea to come help me.  They would never lie to spare my feelings.  Those kind of women are out there, but you have to be particular about who you trust.  My "sisters" have been my friends for over 35 years.  I depend on their honesty and their consistency.  It is also a two-way street.  I want them to be able to depend on me the same way.



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