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How important is sex in your relationship? [Edit]

Posted by on Feb. 16, 2013 at 4:59 AM
  • 39 Replies

 

Poll

Question: What percentage of your relationship is based on sex?

Options:

Less than 10%

15-20%

25-30%

35-40%

45-50%

55-60%

65-70%

75% or more


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 42

View Results

This is my very first post that I've started on here. I was honestly wondering if it's "normal" to only have sex once a month or less? My fiancé is now 34, he was a virgin until he was 29 and I'm only the 2nd girl he has ever been with. I'm 22, was a virgin until I was 18 and he is the 3rd guy I've been with. We have a 6month old daughter together and our sex life sucks. He says I'm beautiful and he finds me attractive yet nothing. I put on new lingerie and I get a kiss and nothing else. Am I doing something wrong? Or maybe something is medically wrong with him? (such as low testosterone?) it wasn't always this way, but the amount of sex has been decreasing quite rapidly since the birth of our daughter. Anyone else have or had this problem? Is it really a problem per say? Please any advice is welcome. Also I know for a fact he is not getting it elsewhere before anyone asks that. We have only one car and I have to take him to and from work and he works with his family at their business.

I talked to him a couple hours ago while he was getting ready for work and found out that he is extremely afraid of getting me pregnant again. We were not ready for a child and we both did everything you're supposed to, to prevent it from happening. (I never missed a pill or changed the time and no antibiotics and he used condoms, condom broke and I still got pregnant) Don't get me wrong, we both love our daughter very much and wouldn't have it any other way. He said he just doesn't "need" sex and would rather hold off until we decide to have another child. He left for work (his brother picked him up today thankfully) but the conversation will continue later as I think he is being a bit selfish. He never even thought that I would have needs too. He actually said that he thought that women had lower sex drives than men.
by on Feb. 16, 2013 at 4:59 AM
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Replies (1-10):
dawnnamarie
by Member on Feb. 16, 2013 at 5:05 AM
Sex is very important in a relationship. It keeps a couple intimate and connected
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Alwaysmotivated
by Member on Feb. 16, 2013 at 7:49 AM

Its the biggest reason for relationships break-ups and cheating..Often times we get complacent or after a certain age or when you've been married or living with each other and you "take things for granted" we think its not important, but its what keeps the relationship fueled. Sex and Romance.. Its a progress.. I just saw on television Terri Crews and His wife being interviewed on Dr. Oz, and the wife ventured to say, you should do it even if you are not in the mood.. Not sure I agree but everyone is different.. For a man not wanting to participate, something is brewing, I will talk with him and see whats going on.. But YES, it is very important..

momalee40
by on Feb. 16, 2013 at 7:54 AM
1 mom liked this
It is important, it keeps you close and if you dont have that intimate bond, other parts of the relationship suffer. A friends first husband was raised to think it was only for having a baby and was otherwise dirty . Not saying your dh is that way but maybe he feels he has done his duty by fathering a child. Talk to him, tell him your needs. Maybe counseling ? But dont let it go...
KZuz
by on Feb. 16, 2013 at 7:57 AM
The more sex my husband gets, the better husband he is
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2kids19yrsapart
by on Feb. 16, 2013 at 9:24 AM

Intimacy is more important that sex.

 But if you are concerned that it might be a medical problem, you need to get him checked.  It could also be that you just had a child and he is afraid of hurting you, afraid of the child seeing something (even though she is too young to understand), or many other different explanations.

For my relationship with my hubby, we don't have sex often, but we are intimate (cuddling, kissing, petting, etc). We don't have to have full blown sex to know we love each other.  But we are an older couple too.


lilkat559
by New Member on Feb. 16, 2013 at 9:57 AM
Quoting Alwaysmotivated:

Its the biggest reason for relationships break-ups and cheating..Often times we get complacent or after a certain age or when you've been married or living with each other and you "take things for granted" we think its not important, but its what keeps the relationship fueled. Sex and Romance.. Its a progress.. I just saw on television Terri Crews and His wife being interviewed on Dr. Oz, and the wife ventured to say, you should do it even if you are not in the mood.. Not sure I agree but everyone is different.. For a man not wanting to participate, something is brewing, I will talk with him and see whats going on.. But YES, it is very important..








I don't agree with the "have sex even when you're not in the mood" thing either. Wouldnt that just ruin it for both people? If you know your partner well enough I think you could tell wether or not they were into it. It never crossed my mind that people would cheat because of unmet sexual needs, but it makes sense. People tend to just throw something out rather than actually work on it and fix it. I may take a trip to the adult store, but I would never cheat.
lapcounter
by Gold Member on Feb. 16, 2013 at 9:58 AM
It's very important in our marriage.
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emily514
by on Feb. 16, 2013 at 10:01 AM
I don't know if I could put a percentage on it, but it's very important. Lack of sex makes other problems in the relationship seem worse, too.
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lilkat559
by New Member on Feb. 16, 2013 at 10:02 AM
Quoting momalee40:

It is important, it keeps you close and if you dont have that intimate bond, other parts of the relationship suffer. A friends first husband was raised to think it was only for having a baby and was otherwise dirty . Not saying your dh is that way but maybe he feels he has done his duty by fathering a child. Talk to him, tell him your needs. Maybe counseling ? But dont let it go...





After this mornings conversation (see edit) I am starting to think he was brought up that way. I don't know his parents very well since they live so far away. I've only met them once and they haven't even been able to travel to come meet our daughter yet, but they are very conservative and my fiancé doesn't like to talk about sex very much at all. He gets embarrassed it seems. I was brought up in an open household. If you wanted to know anything my parents would tell you. No stork story ever.
lilkat559
by New Member on Feb. 16, 2013 at 10:05 AM
Quoting KZuz:

The more sex my husband gets, the better husband he is





I wish this would happen with us! Except it's always me that wants it and he has the headache situation.
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