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Decisions, Decisions! Opinions/Thoughts Needed!

Posted by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 12:44 AM
  • 13 Replies

My husband and I (well, really, just me) are trying to make a big decision! We've spent weeks talking about it and I really would just like some outside opinions. I know this is a decision we have to make, but still, some insight would be great. I wanted to post this on Facebook, but it's kind of personal and I didn't want everyone knowing.....then I thought, CAFEMOM, YES!

So, i'll start by saying we have been married for 7 years (March 9) and we have a 6 year old son and a 2 year old son. Now we're on the topic of having a third. Buuuut, there are so many pros and cons! We thought we were done with two children, so I went back to school and I will graduate in the fall and get a job. But if we have another, I will want to be a SAHM and be home with my baby for at least the first year. So instead of making more money and being able to go on vacations and stuff like that, we will now have student loans, baby bills, and still one income. My husband does make enough money for us to live, but we'll have to cut out those date night dinners every week and we'll have to learn to budget better if we want to have another child. My husband is basically begging me to go get my Mirena taken out on Monday, but I'm just having a hard time with this. I soooo want another baby, but for some reason i'm just being hesitant. I'm thinking, is it going to be difficult going from 2 to 3 kids? Will I be able to give enough attention to them all? Will we be okay financially? Am I ready for more sleepless nights? Am I going to college for nothing? Will we be as lucky to have another healthy child? Are 3 too many? I could go on and on with my questions, but I will stop now. Please, Cafemom strangers, give me some feedback!

P.S. I haven't been on Cafemom in years! Glad to be back :)

by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 12:44 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by Anonymous 1 on Feb. 23, 2013 at 8:46 AM
Wait. Save some money first.
by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 10:39 AM
I would suggest waiting. If you are questioning it might not be the right time for another child
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by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 12:03 PM

Wait for a while.

by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 1:08 PM

If you are hesitant, then there is a reason in the back of your mind. Wait until you are 100% sure. Like anonymous said, you can save Money in the meantime.

by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 2:28 PM

I agree with the others.  If there is any doubt or uncertainty, then there must be a reason for that.  I hope things work out for the best, whichever way you and hubby decide.  :)

by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 23, 2013 at 3:40 PM
You say you are graduating in the fall--what field? Is it a field where the gap between graduating and working will hinder you? Childcare for 3 kids is expensive. But graduating, then not working in the field for a year may make it hard to find a job that covers day care. On the other hand, once you start working, if you want a third child, it may not be possible to take that whole year off. Also, do you have student loans that will come due after you graduate?
by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 11:08 PM

I will be graduating in the fall with a medical receptionist certificate. I don't think a year or so off would make much of a difference. By the time I would have my third child, my two oldest will both be in school, so not much child care will be needed for them. If so, my mother in law has said she will watch them. I will have six months, I believe, after I graduate, then I will have to start making student loan payments. My husband and I are trying to budget our money better because he makes enough for us to survive, we just spend recklessly sometimes. I really do want another child and I do not want them to be so far apart in age, so I figured now would be them time to start trying. As I keep coming back to this post, I am realizing that I really, truly, DO want one more child!

by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 11:18 PM
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I am no help. I never wanted kids to begin with. Swore I was done after my daughter was born. After my son was born, I had my tubes caulterized. I don't think I could do three.

However, I will say, that my children are five years apart and so are my sister and I. Children who are farther apart tend not to fight as much. (PLEASE NOTE: I did not say they don't fight.) I am very very close to my sister and my kids are extremely close. That's all I have for you. Good luck. Be happy with whatever you decide. 

by on Feb. 24, 2013 at 7:13 AM

Any insight is very helpful, so thank you!

by Bronze Member on Feb. 24, 2013 at 7:59 AM
Wow you sound just like me, even the mirena part! We have gone back and forth with the possibility of a third.
For me, I think about how lovely it would be to have another baby to round out our family. Both my husband and I came from a three child household.

But then I think about not being able to go on road trips...skipping the beach (we live nearby)....nursing...getting a bigger car....the future added costs overall when we go anywhere as a family. Pretty much all the things you mentioned and more.

If money grew on trees I would gladly have one or two more kids. I can't responsibly have another one. As much as I'd love to, it just wouldn't be a good move I guess.

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