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So, apparently the only job I'm allowed to have is house/ baby slave

Posted by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 12:43 AM
  • 59 Replies

Today is dh's pay day and that means tonight is the night when dh drags us shopping so he can spend HIS money. He does give me a total of 200 per month, and I get 400 from c.s. for the older two, but dh expects me to pay the electric and water bill, which tends to run anywhere from 250- 300 per month. Plus I'm expected to pay all Jennie expenses, such as my two RX's, any Dr or dentist bills, nursing pads, gas, etc..., so if I so much as buy a latte I've pretty much blown my disposable income for the week. I'm not trying to say I have it rough. I know many here can't even buy groceries, and I spent years in that scenario myself., but I'm trying to illustrate why it would be good to.make some income. Plus, if I'm in need of medical or dental care I'm out of luck. I've had a broken tooth for MONTHS and dh has been saying he won't give me any money to fix it till the tax refund comes, and it hasn't yet. I was sick for two months and couldn't afford to go to a Dr. I was so worried it was developing into pneumonia and I was going to die. Meanwhile, dh bought a 50 inch flat screen to play his PlayStation on in the bedroom.

I was trying to get work as a sitter in my home, because I've just never found a job that paid enough to make child care expenses worth it, but no luck with that so far. Well, tonight, when the others went into Game Stop, I went next door to browse at Sally's Beauty supply. As I walked in I saw they had a help wanted sign. I asked what the pay is and she says it can be anywhere from min wage, if you have no experience, to 25$ per hour if you have cosmetology or retail experience. I told her I have both. :-) Also, I've been putting out feelers for a reasonably priced sitter for my baby in case I did find a good out of house job opportunity, and I found onee who will work for 8$ per hr. If they offer me the 25$ per he I can totally make that work! The manager said the few applicants she's seen so far have been awful, and seemed very eager for me to apply. They were out of applications but she gold me I could go to their website and price t one out and bring it by.

 I was excited and I told dh all about it, and he said no way! Before the baby was born, he was INSISTING that I was going to work o:utside the home and, pull my own weight, but once he saw how stressful taking care of Karen is, and how pricey child care is, he changed his tune real quick! The whole reason he said no is because they need someone to work evenings, which is when HE'S home, which is actually ideal because that would further cut down child care expenses, BUT he doesn't like actually taking care of his OWN daughter. It was HIS idea to have a baby y in the first place, but he just likes to play with her for two minutes and hand her back, especially if she's fussy, which she often is. I can't even take a bath or wash the dishes without him griping at me to drop what I'm doing and come get the baby out of his hair. In fact, I was VERY sick with food poisoning once, and even when I was in the bathroom puking, he was standing outside the bathroom door griping at me to get out there and watch the baby so he could get back to the Playstation.

 

His excuse is he works hard and his job is stressful and he deserves to relax when he's home. I ask when I'm supposed to relax, and he states that I sit around bf'ing the baby and reading and that is relaxing. He loves to use the bf'ing thing against me because it's something he can't do. He gripes about the house being messy and laundry not being done, but he won't watch the baby so I can do it, and she's the most high maintenance baby I've ever known, and it's usually impossible to get much done when I'm trying to take care of her. Anyway, sorry about the tangent.

So, I told him he's not a dictator and I'm not a slave, so he can't tell me what I can and can not do, and also that he needs to spend more time with the baby anyway. He just continues to insist that he's not going to allow me to do this, as if he has that kind of power over me. He says if I do it, he'll just bring the baby to my parents next door, who also work during the day, once he gets home. I'm sure they'd love to have to watch the baby for hours while he sits at home playing video games. I should also mention the job is only 3- 4 days per week. 15- 20 hours. OK, sorry for the long vent. I feel better now, but I'm going to apply, and if they offer more than 20$ per hr I'm taking it. He doesn't own me and he needs to start having to do more to help with child care anyway.

by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 12:43 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mama-sita
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 12:53 AM
6 moms liked this

You go girl!  Marriage is a PARTNERSHIP, not a DICTATORSHIP.  He's not your dad or your boss.  He's your partner.  If he doesn't want to be your partner, maybe he'd enjoy being a single dad, all be it part time.  If you want a job, you apply for it.  If he decides to be a jerk and divorce you over that, he's a pig and you deserve better.

loisl25
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 1:00 AM
I fully agree. He'd have to spend a lot of time e.o.w.e. watching her on his own anyway if we split up.


Quoting mama-sita:

You go girl!  Marriage is a PARTNERSHIP, not a DICTATORSHIP.  He's not your dad or your boss.  He's your partner.  If he doesn't want to be your partner, maybe he'd enjoy being a single dad, all be it part time.  If you want a job, you apply for it.  If he decides to be a jerk and divorce you over that, he's a pig and you deserve better.


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lovegrandbaby
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 1:06 AM

I agree also.  u deserve time for sanity too.

Quoting loisl25:

I fully agree. He'd have to spend a lot of time e.o.w.e. watching her on his own anyway if we split up.


Quoting mama-sita:

You go girl!  Marriage is a PARTNERSHIP, not a DICTATORSHIP.  He's not your dad or your boss.  He's your partner.  If he doesn't want to be your partner, maybe he'd enjoy being a single dad, all be it part time.  If you want a job, you apply for it.  If he decides to be a jerk and divorce you over that, he's a pig and you deserve better.



mama-sita
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 1:07 AM

My ex husband was the same way.  I was given an "allowance" of $300 a month for groceries, diapers, cleaning supplies, gas, pet supplies, etc and had no other income, a 2-yr-old and newborn.  If I wanted extra money, I would have to beg and ended up having to perform.  Don't ask.  He was abusive and awful.  I tried to get part time jobs, lined up child care and made my schedule around his most of the time.  He would refuse to watch our two sons and force me to stay home until I would have to quit. 

My boyfriend now is very supportive.  He watches my two boys when I go to work, doesn't care if I don't feel well enough to work and supplements the income with his GI Bill and Disability (he was in Iraq and Afghanistan at the very beginning of the war and goes to school full time).  The difference between my boyfriend and my ex is night and day and I love it. 

Please, please be careful.  You're a strong woman and you know what is right for your family. 


Quoting loisl25:

I fully agree. He'd have to spend a lot of time e.o.w.e. watching her on his own anyway if we split up.


Quoting mama-sita:

You go girl!  Marriage is a PARTNERSHIP, not a DICTATORSHIP.  He's not your dad or your boss.  He's your partner.  If he doesn't want to be your partner, maybe he'd enjoy being a single dad, all be it part time.  If you want a job, you apply for it.  If he decides to be a jerk and divorce you over that, he's a pig and you deserve better.




bahamamama61
by Member on Mar. 9, 2013 at 1:09 AM
If you want the job, take it:) Don't let him tell you what to do:) You don't need 'permission', you're grown:)
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loisl25
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 1:11 AM
Thanks. Yeah we have MANY issues.


Quoting mama-sita:

My ex husband was the same way.  I was given an "allowance" of $300 a month for groceries, diapers, cleaning supplies, gas, pet supplies, etc and had no other income, a 2-yr-old and newborn.  If I wanted extra money, I would have to beg and ended up having to perform.  Don't ask.  He was abusive and awful.  I tried to get part time jobs, lined up child care and made my schedule around his most of the time.  He would refuse to watch our two sons and force me to stay home until I would have to quit. 

My boyfriend now is very supportive.  He watches my two boys when I go to work, doesn't care if I don't feel well enough to work and supplements the income with his GI Bill and Disability (he was in Iraq and Afghanistan at the very beginning of the war and goes to school full time).  The difference between my boyfriend and my ex is night and day and I love it. 

Please, please be careful.  You're a strong woman and you know what is right for your family. 



Quoting loisl25:

I fully agree. He'd have to spend a lot of time e.o.w.e. watching her on his own anyway if we split up.





Quoting mama-sita:

You go girl!  Marriage is a PARTNERSHIP, not a DICTATORSHIP.  He's not your dad or your boss.  He's your partner.  If he doesn't want to be your partner, maybe he'd enjoy being a single dad, all be it part time.  If you want a job, you apply for it.  If he decides to be a jerk and divorce you over that, he's a pig and you deserve better.







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PartyGalAnne
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 2:02 AM
8 moms liked this

Bullshit.

Take the job, and become a woman of your own means and leave the stingy, selfish, entitled bastard!

Paperfishies
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 2:08 AM
10 moms liked this
You need to take the job no matter what. I can guarantee you Sally's does not start an outside person at $20 an hour. If you have experience they will probably start you at around $12 per hour.

Why are you married to such a controlling and abusive man? You should really take the job no matter what and do nothing but save that money and get the fuck out of that relationship.
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Supervane
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 2:17 AM
1 mom liked this
Take the job! Even if the pay isn't $20 a hour, honestly that's a bit unrealistic, think more along the lines of $12 to $15. But just take it anyway! Don't let him manipulate you into another thing.



And why on earth would you be with such a cruel man, who can't even respect you as a woman, wife, or mother if his child...? He didn't even have sympathy for your health.when you were sick!

I'll say it again ladies, choose your partners wisely!
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loisl25
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 3:01 AM
I know. Hindsight's 20/20. He was sweet before we married. Honestly, trying to support the 2 kids I had before I met him, I was working, but still dependent on the gov't, my parents and charity to get by. My dad had to sell his classic el Camino because of how much it was costing him to help us. I felt like crap when that happened and never want to be that kind of burden again. Plus, in his better moments I remember how much I unfortunately love the jerk. Still, when he treats me like this, I want so badly to leave that minute.


Quoting Supervane:

Take the job! Even if the pay isn't $20 a hour, honestly that's a bit unrealistic, think more along the lines of $12 to $15. But just take it anyway! Don't let him manipulate you into another thing.





And why on earth would you be with such a cruel man, who can't even respect you as a woman, wife, or mother if his child...? He didn't even have sympathy for your health.when you were sick!



I'll say it again ladies, choose your partners wisely!

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