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I Was Never "Punished" Growing Up

Posted by on Mar. 15, 2013 at 2:48 PM
  • 16 Replies
1 mom liked this

 By the time I came along I think my parents were a little tired.  My two older siblings are 5 and 14 years old than me.  They apparently had a stricter upbringing.  My parents never actually punished me though.  I was sent to my room once, and grounded once, however, I was a pretty good kid. 

Instead of punishment, my parents always talked about how we were such good kids.  When we'd go places they would compliment us on our good behavior.  They would tell us how impresed people were by us.  (They did this with my older siblings, too, they just also received groundings and etc...)  Doing this always made me really eager to be good.  So when I did do something bad, instead of receiving punishment, I would see the look of disappointment on my their faces.  They weren't passing judgement, nor did it feel like they were, it was more of a, "you know better than this" kind of thing.  That was all the punishment I ever needed! 

As far as I know, I don't have any lingering "problems" due to this.  Maybe because I was such a good kid?  Even during my teenaged years the worst thing I did was being obsessed with my stupid boyfriend.  On the teenaged note, we did have ONE rule: they knew they couldn't STOP us from doing whatever we wanted when they weren't around and they wouldn't judge us for it either, so the rule was we had to be honest with them.  Tell them where we were, who we were with and what we were doing and etc...so if we ever needed them, they'd know where to find us.  I never took part in anything like that, my sisters did, and I think that rule worked well with them, too.

Did anyone else have a similar upbringing?  How did it/does it affect you now?  Does anyone else parent like this?

I am pregnant with my first child and though, I like the one big honest rule, I imagine myself being the type who does punish, have rules, but also encourages good behavior at the same time.

CafeMom Tickers
by on Mar. 15, 2013 at 2:48 PM
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Replies (1-10):
kgsharber
by Bronze Member on Mar. 15, 2013 at 3:09 PM

Very similar here. My parents never grounded us or really yelled at us. When we were little we recieved spankings, but after the age of about 7 that stopped. We were all pretty good kids. As long as they knew who we were with & where we were at, and had good grades, we really did as we pleased.

I remember being in high school and staying out until 12 or 1 am just habging with friends, no biggie.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 15, 2013 at 3:54 PM
Kids in general behaved better than this generation no matter how they were disciplined.
Debrowsky
by Member on Mar. 15, 2013 at 4:39 PM
1 mom liked this

I think it fair to say, that you are more of a compliant personality and your parents were very fortunate that you were. Having some strong willed children in the mix, changes the whole scene.
 I think it's good to positively speak about your kids and to them. but, there are some that will defy your rule of law, even with some positive words.  So I support both- positive reinforcement and the use of discipline or punishment when needed.  
 My parents used spanking when needed, which was rare, and I have done the same with my own ~ all of us were not damaged by such methods, but only gained respect for the ones in authority.  I knew I was loved, and my boys knew they were loved.

Maevelyn
by on Mar. 15, 2013 at 4:42 PM

I was pretty much a "free range" child at home I didnt' have a bed time before I went to school (of for more than a year after.) On the other hand I wasn't allowed to go anywhere with out my parents. They refused to let me out of their site. 

UpSheRises
by on Mar. 15, 2013 at 4:50 PM
1 mom liked this

That is how i parent my 6y DS. He's really well behaved though. We treat him like an equal...my husband would never take away my nail polish because i didn't do the dishes.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 15, 2013 at 4:53 PM
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My fiancee and I have been discussing punishments lately.  He thinks that I am borderline abusive when I handle the kids....verbally not physically.  I then explained to him some about my upbringing and he understands that how I handle the kids is a far cry from how I was disciplined as a child.  He told me that he truly felt sorry for my upbringing, but he wants better for our kids.  I feel that way as well.

If you want to give your child more boundaries than you had as a child then do it.  I have to give mine less.  I had a strict upbringing in many aspects, but was also punished for things that weren't my fault.  I had to keep an eye on my 5 yo sister when I was 7.  If she did something wrong then I was punished b/c I should have known better and should have been able to stop her.


Good luck with you LO. We all learn from the mistakes that our parents make.

NNB
by on Mar. 15, 2013 at 4:59 PM

This is how we plan on raising ds, he's 17 months at the moment and it seems to be going well

Quoting UpSheRises:

That is how i parent my 6y DS. He's really well behaved though. We treat him like an equal...my husband would never take away my nail polish because i didn't do the dishes.


Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 15, 2013 at 6:38 PM

I think it's a bit of trial and error at first. You'll figure out which way works best for you. 

My kids will get punishments whether it's not going out after school or time outs. 

We do try to talk to them first and explain if we're dissapointed but sometimes, we have to go with the punishment part of it. 

EireLass
by Ruby Member on Mar. 16, 2013 at 11:01 AM

There were 8 of us spanning 20 years. I'm #7...and I am 55. None of us were spanked. However, we each 1 time were swatted in the mouth by my Mom, for swearing at her. How stupid was each kid, that throught they'd be the one to get away with it? When we were naught, she gave us the silent treatment. It was horrible. We wished she would just spank us and get it over with. We all grew up to spank our 27 kids. We really haven't suffered due to the silent treatment, and none of our kids suffered from the spankings (they're all adults now).

marchantmom06
by Bronze Member on Mar. 16, 2013 at 11:07 AM
It's called positive reinforcement. That nothing new, your parents didn't start that.
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