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DF Doesn't Want Sex While I'm Pregnant-Update

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 18 Replies

My df's libido had been down significantly since the first ultrasound to determine how far along I was.  I am now a little over 4 months and showing but still looking fat too and there has been hardly any sex in the past month or so.  I finally asked him about it and he said it's mostly stress and fear and 2% of it is my appearance. (not fear of hurting the baby he knows better than that)  We have been together 7 years and were set to get married in May. This pregnancy was a surprise.  We both wanted kids shortly after marriage but weren't trying for this.  He says he's talked to his friends and none of them had this problem. My df has always had a great libido and I've only seen it suffer during times of stress but this has definitely been the worst.  Of course I find myself stuck on the appearance thing but he assures me it's really more about him beng stressed and scared and I believe it.  His body has changed a lot over the years and even though he doesn't look as  good as he used to, I am still just attracted to him.  My personal insecurities about my growing body has me focused on that.  I don't know what to do or say.  I miss him.  His friends can't relate and I can't either.  They say they didn't have a problem wanting to have sex with their wives.  Has anyone else dealt with this before? I am only going to get MORE pregnant as time goes on.  I know he isn't the type (never has, been hurt by it so much himself) so maybe it's hormones or maybe it's just a normal fear that comes with this type of issue but my mind begins to wander. Even if it isn't so much about my appearance could he find his needs met elsewhere? Could that become more likely the more pregnant looking I beceome? I am beginning to fear for our relationship. Please, any advice or help, I HAVE talked to him about it, tried to be understanding and reaassure him and all but it boiled down to, it doesn't matter what I say, nothing can help and it isn't going to make him feel better and want to be with me intimately.

 

Update

While brushing our teeth Monday morning he said to me, oh my libido is coming back.  I asked from where and then he told me he'd been taking some supplements that some guy he met at the gym gave him that require him to take estrogen blockers!  He said his testerone has been low but he can tell it's coming back because he can feel his libido increasing!  He has NEVER taken supplements or anything like that before and I can't believe he just took some from some guy at the gym!  I told him he should have talked to a doctor about that first and maybe he still should.  He said he isn't going to take them anymore.  We had a go at it yesterday but he wasn't able to finish the task.  He said he must not be ready yet.  This really makes me wonder if it was the supplement, what is with all that he was saying before?  He showed me the supplement that he was keeping under his side of the sink which I never look at so I know that much is true.  Do you think it was the supplement and he was being girly about everything since this stuff needed an estrogen BLOCKER?  Or had he not put two and two together the day we talked and he was assuming it had to have been all the stress and fear?  Or do you think he is trying to use that as an excuse?  I don't know what to think.

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 17, 2013 at 7:23 PM
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Replies (1-10):
AdensMommy1107
by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 7:25 PM
I didn't, sorry. But heres a bump for you.


But, if he knows it won't hurt the baby, what exactly is he scared of?
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 17, 2013 at 7:28 PM

 He is scared of becoming a dad so much sooner than we'd planned.  It is our first child for both of us.  We were planning to start trying next year.  This kind of snuck up on us.

Quoting AdensMommy1107:

I didn't, sorry. But heres a bump for you.


But, if he knows it won't hurt the baby, what exactly is he scared of?

 

AdensMommy1107
by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 7:33 PM
1 mom liked this
Oooh okay, I understand.
Well, I would just communicate with him. Put it in the perspective that soon it's not going to be only the two of you (and he's going to have to accept that because it's already happening) so you two need to bond with each other in the closest way possible.

Quoting Anonymous:

 He is scared of becoming a dad so much sooner than we'd planned.  It is our first child for both of us.  We were planning to start trying next year.  This kind of snuck up on us.


Quoting AdensMommy1107:

I didn't, sorry. But heres a bump for you.


But, if he knows it won't hurt the baby, what exactly is he scared of?

 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 17, 2013 at 7:39 PM

BUMP!

Zazayam
by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 9:34 PM
1 mom liked this

I did! He said it had nothing at all to do with me, and it started really early before I had any real reason to feel like a giant cow or anything, but admitted that when he looked at me he just couldn't get into sexy mode. Talk about hurt feelings.

I actually talked to my dr about it and she told me that it's a very common thing, there's a lot of chemical reactions that go on when men are going to be fathers, and a lot of men lose their sex drive during that time.

Just work on staying intimate in other ways, take things slow and stay patient. Try not to take it personal, which is funny advice I know - you're pregnant you can expect to take everything personal lol.

It'll get better :)

thatgirl70
by Carin on Mar. 17, 2013 at 10:44 PM

Mine didn't want to have sex either when I was pregnant, but for him, he was paranoid about hurting the baby. I was frustrated too.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 18, 2013 at 7:35 AM

BUMP!

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 18, 2013 at 8:43 AM

My hubby always said that sex is always great but it was even better when I was preggo. I guess it just felt different "down there" maybe that would excite him some.... other then that give him time. You said the pregnancy caught you both off gaurd so maybe it's taking him a little bit of time to come to terms with it.

alisheamonet33
by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 2:10 PM

 

this

Quoting AdensMommy1107:

I didn't, sorry. But heres a bump for you.


But, if he knows it won't hurt the baby, what exactly is he scared of?


 

childofGod995
by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 5:43 PM

you both might want to go to some sort of counseling together to see what is the best thing you can do.

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