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please help, i need advice

Posted by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 12:22 PM
  • 6 Replies

this is a long story but i really need advice from other moms here. i have 2 kids 4 and 7. their dads arent in the picture at all except that my 4 year olds dad pays child support, the 7 year olds dad pays nothing because he is on ssi or something. i am a young mom (23) but i have been through alot. i got married when i was 18 and divorced 3 years later (that would be 2 years ago 2011) i didnt see anyone for a while and i lived at my moms. well she is crazy and kicked me out for a few months in 2011 and then let me come back and she kept my kids because i was livng on frieds couches. well living with her was a terrible enviroment for me and my kids but i stuck it out thinking we would get out of there but i couldnt get a job so i wasntmaking money, well i finally got a job but i wasnt making money (at least not enough to move out on my own) then the salon closed and i lost my job. i started seeing my boyfirend in may last year and finally when things got really bad at my moms he let me and my kids move in with him, i got a job that i love (still dont make a lot of money) and i babysit his little sister during the day to make extra money. with that little bit of backstory here is my dilema... we have been fighting constantly and last night it blew completley out of proportion and i dont know if i want to stay. i have depression and anxiety that has gone untreated for a while now and he has a terrible temper and so do i and everthing just got to a point yesterday where i just acted crazy elling throwing things hitting him the whole 9 yards, just all this built up anger and stress and frustration came out at once. and of course he got angry and was yelling and throwing stuff (but he has never hit me) then he left. then he came back and e talked and he told me how he was planning on proposing to me thi sunday (we had a nice dinner planned) and how he isnt sure what we should do anymore but he wants to work this out. but idk if we can. im embarrassed and feel terible everyone knows he was planning on asking me to marry him and i screwed it up. i wont go back to my moms house (actually cant she wont let me) so i am seriously thinking about going to a shelter and getting help to get on my feet and just do this on my own but im scared and also im wondering if i should just stick it out here and hope it gets better. i dont really know what to do. i am working on getting help for my issues i set up thereapy and i just got a new doctor who has run blood work and is trying to get me to be stable. but i feel like if he leaves i have nothinging and i hate that feeling iwant to do this on my own but i dont want to lose him ecause i love him but i dont want to stick around and watch everyting fall apart like my marriage did.... im so confused i really need advice

by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 12:22 PM
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Replies (1-6):
manthers017
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 12:34 PM

bump

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Apr. 1, 2013 at 12:42 PM
1 mom liked this
Don't define yourself through a guy. Fix yourself then find a relationship. You are so young and have 2 kids to worry about. I was just getting married at your age and no kids.
manthers017
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 12:47 PM

before everything got to this point i thought i had found myself and was in a good place (besides living at my moms) and we were such good friends it just slowly bacame a relationsip and then i dont really know what happened but i just kind of lost myself in all of this i thought i had all my issues undercontrol but apparentl i was wrong... and he is willing to be here for me and my kids while i get the help i need but im not sure if he is staying because he wants to or because he feels obligated and i do not want this to happen again ever.

nurse1997
by Silver Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 1:34 PM
1 mom liked this

OK LOVE RELAX-  MAKE A NICE DINNER FOR YOUR MAN THE WHOLE 9 YARDS A SEXY LITTLE OUTFIT  CANDLES AND ETC NO KIDS- TELL HIM DINNER AND DESERT FIRST NO SEX THAN YOU GUYS NEED TO TALK WHEN YOU ARE RELAXED - TELL HIM YOU ARE SORRY AND WANT TO GET ON MEDS AND WORK THRU YOUR ISSUES SO YOU GUYS GET BETTER TOGETHER - SOP THINKING ABOUT THE PAST AND THINK FORWARD OR YOU ARE GOING TO SCREW THIS UP DOLL ;]

LnghrnFan
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 5:46 PM

I'm sorry you don't feel like you have anywhere to turn if this relationship doesn't work out.  Sounds like you're in a tough situation!  Have you considered going to counseling?  Pre-engagement counseling might actually be a good idea for you both.  A therapist may be able to help you work through any issues in your relationship.  Praying that you're able to make the best decision for yourself and your children.  Blessings!

manthers017
by on Apr. 2, 2013 at 10:40 AM

we had a talk last niht and decided that we both want to work hs out, i am going to get myself taken cae of and he is going to be there and support me and e are getting rid of any unneccessary stress on us (like me babysittig his sister the money is nice but not needed and it isnt wort all the stress and drama that comes with it) and i will just put my kids in daycare and work my job fulltime so that i am less stressed and i actually get to see him and we canall be togher as a family becuse right now i dont see him much o miy kids honestly i watc his sister 8-5 mon-fri and i work 6-9 mon tues and fri and then i work all day sat and sun and he works 5-4:30 mon-fri so i am home when he is pretty much weds and thurs night and sun night.

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