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HELP NEED ADVICE *** UPDATE****

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I have a daughter that is 16 my husband has been raising her since she has been 6 months old and has been a good dad to her  She does not know that he is not her real father  her real father does not have anything to do with any of his children . Should we tell her ? How do we tell her ? I am thinking after senior year after graduation any thoughts .   **** So we  decided to tell her due to all the crap that people have said to me on cafemom we figured shoot with scholership applications coming soon why wait to tell her ******  her response was what i thought she would say she said mom my dad is my dad that has raised me for the last 16 years not my sperm doner  and after telling her all the facts she said thank you for not telling me any sooner .Thank God she understood why i choose a happy childhood  for her verses a crappy childhood filled with drama for her. So for all you moms that told me a drama filled childhood was better than keeping  the truth from her you were wrong children want happy childhoods,love, respect , from us not the feeling of not being wanted or being forgotten on their bdays ,xmas.and every oither holiday were we as moms are making up excuses why dad hasnt called ;[  if they dont know the drama their hearts dont get  hurt just a thought  ;]

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 6, 2013 at 2:45 PM
Replies (21-30):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 8, 2013 at 2:01 PM

Thank you

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 8, 2013 at 2:12 PM

Oh we have and she has even said a dad is someone there in life not a sperm doner we plan on telling her after she graduates in 2 years i cant promise the secret will be safe anymore so we will have to tell her are selves . Her real dad has 3 oither children he was busy after we broke up and never has had any contact with his oither children to this day . We  did not tell her out of spite  i didnt want her to feel unwanted or  not loved by anyone my husband has loved her just like his oither children  her real dad knew where she was at  all times my dad has never moved he choose not to be in her life a  father isnt dna  its some one who loves ,provides, and is there when a kid needs there dad and my husband has filled that role ;] His loss  not ares Thank you !!!!!

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 8, 2013 at 2:27 PM

Doll my kid is smart she has said over the years her self a father isnt some one that just shares dna with a child a father is someone that loves ,provides, for a child  . Do i think she will be shocked hell ya i do dont  know you but i would take my kids being happy any day over whats right in life she has had a  great childhood  when she turns 18 she can find out her self  that her dad is a scumbag and then she will be rejected by him SORRY NOT IN A BIG RUSH FOR HER TO BE DISPOINTED !!!!!  I made the right call for my family i am not in to the drama my kids have been happy and thats all that matters to me shes got plenty of time as a adult to see wht a scum bag he is !!!!   SORRY TO SAY BUT YOU SOUND LIKE YOU HAD A SCREWED UP CHILDHOOD MY DAUGHTER HAS ALWAYS BEEN A STRAIGHT A STUDENT SHE WORKS AS A LIFE GAURD AND IS A NICE, WELL ROUNDED KID WOULDNT CHANGE  A  DAM THING WITH WAITING TO TELL HER IT WOULD OF BEEN TOTALLY DIFFERENT IF  HE HAD WANTED HER BUT HE DIDNT HIS LOSS !!!!!! OH BY THE WAY IM A NURSE SO I HAVE SPOKEN TO A FEW DOCTORS AND THEY ALL SAY IM RIGHT SO THANKS FOR YOUR IMPUT !!

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 8, 2013 at 4:54 PM

If you don't quote people, they won't know you're responding to them unless they come back in to see other comments. 

I would have told her growing up but for your own reasons, you didn't. 

I would tell her as soon as possible though. 

I would tell her that her real father chose not to be in her life but the man that raised her loved her like his own and HE is her father. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 8, 2013 at 5:19 PM

 


Quoting Anonymous:

I have a daughter that is 16 my husband has been raising her since she has been 6 months old and has been a good dad to her  She does not know that he is not her real father  her real father does not have anything to do with any of his children . Should we tell her ? How do we tell her ? I am thinking after senior year after graduation any thoughts .  


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 8, 2013 at 5:22 PM

Thanks i was wondering on how to do that ;] Maybe but i wanted a happy kid not drama for her growing up her times coming for the garbage thanks

GertieK
by Silver Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 7:04 PM

If you didn't want people's opinions, you should never have asked.  Not telling her when she was young was a mistake IMO, but nothing can be done about that now.  Young children are more accepting of things like this.  I cannot imagine how her knowing when she was young would have created drama.  Telling her now IS going to create HUGE drama.  Teens are extremely emotional, and so you need to be prepared for all kinds of possibilities...including extreme anger from having the info with-held from her or even no longer trusting you.  That is not meant to say that her dad, (not her bio - the man who has been her dad) is not  a great guy because he sounds wonderful.  Initially, that fact will not even play into the story.  It will be her realization that she has had the truth hidden from her for 16 years.  If it was me, i would be highly pissed.  I imagine it will calm down eventually, but remember thart she has every right to be mad - at her bio dad for abandoning her and at the two of you for not being honest.  Don't make it about her bio dad, because the choice not to tell her was not his.  Own your decision, and hope for the best.  Surely she knows you and your husband love her, and in the end, hopefully she will forgive and understand.  Sometimes parents try too hard to protect their kids, and their kindness ends up causing bigger problems.  She had every right to the truth.   Kids are stronger than people give them credit, and do much better if people are honest with them from the beginning.  She has been living a false reality, and it will be a tough hit to her.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 8, 2013 at 7:27 PM
I would tell her, but be prepared and offer to help her meet him if she chooses. I would definitely tell her the reasons...maybe from an outside view, if that makes sense. Not like he was a jack ass, loser, ect, but more the side of the choices he made. Let her make decisions from there.
Good luck.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 8, 2013 at 8:22 PM

 THANK YOU WE PLAN ON TELLING HER AFTER SHE GRADUATES AND THAN YES SHE CAN DECIDE WHAT SHE WANTS TO DO  WITH THAT RELATIONSHIP HE WILL DISAPPOINT HER HE HAS AND REFUSES TO HAVE ANY CONTACT WITH ANY OF HIS OITHER CHILDREN SUCH A SCUMBAG HE HAD 3 OITHER CHILDREN RIGHT AFTER WE BROKE UP HIS SON CALLED HIM FOR THE FIRST TIME WHEN HE WAS 15 TO TALK TO HIM AND THE JERK PRETENDED HE COULDNT HEAR HIM ON THE PHONE WHO DOES THAT ??? THATS THE KIND OF GARBAGE I SAVED MY DAUGHTER FROM DEALING . 
I would tell her, but be prepared and offer to help her meet him if she chooses. I would definitely tell her the reasons...maybe from an outside view, if that makes sense. Not like he was a jack ass, loser, ect, but more the side of the choices he made. Let her make decisions from there.
Good luck.


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 8, 2013 at 8:24 PM

 I did a little digging and have that info for her when the time is ready but not for 2 more  years thank god

Quoting Anonymous:

I would tell her, but be prepared and offer to help her meet him if she chooses. I would definitely tell her the reasons...maybe from an outside view, if that makes sense. Not like he was a jack ass, loser, ect, but more the side of the choices he made. Let her make decisions from there.
Good luck.


 

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