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How many times would you hold a child back?

Posted by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 10:26 AM
  • 32 Replies

 

Poll

Question: Would you hold her back again.

Options:

yes, of course

nope

depends


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Total Votes: 20

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So, dd is 9.  She is in 3rd grade.  She will be 10 before next school year.  She was held back in kindy because they said she wasn't ready.  We then spent her second year in kindy, first grade and second grade fighting to get her evaluated.  She couldn't read, at all.  The schools keps saying she wasn't far enough behind.  In first, we moved from AL to AZ, which ended up being a blessing because we have more choices for schools.  She is in a charter school that after one week told us they wanted her to be evaluated.  She has an IQ of 97, but 114 for verbal.  

So, yesterday I get a call from the spec. ed coordinator asking if I was OK with holding her in 3rd again next year.  She has an IEP, so it isn't required by any means, but she was wondering if I was OK with that.  I told her I don't know.  Here's why.  

She will be 10, in third grade.  She will be growing boobs, possibly starting her period, and just generally starting puberty while the others in her grade will most be 8.  She even checked, she is the ONLY child that would be 10 in 3rd grade.  (Small school, one classroom per grade so easy to check).  But, I did tell her I need to think about it.  DH agrees with me, as does my mom, so the decision is fairly well made.  

So, I was wondering, how many times would you hold a child back and does age play a role in that?  I know for me, if she is in middle school or high school and needs to repeat a grade I would feel differentlly.  But there are so many changes in this time of a girl's life and such differences in the ages of 8 and 10, that I have an issue with it.  What about you?

by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 10:26 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Apr. 26, 2013 at 10:40 AM
1 mom liked this

For me it would depend on how far behind she is and if having her repaet third grade would do her any good. Good luck with your decisions. I know it must be tough for you :(

petie1104
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 10:49 AM



Quoting Anonymous:

For me it would depend on how far behind she is and if having her repaet third grade would do her any good. Good luck with your decisions. I know it must be tough for you :(


Apparently, before she started recieving services, they thought her inability to read was causing most of her problems.  They are finding that this isn't the case.  She isn't able to think in abstract terms.  So, she can do addition and subtraction because she understands that you can have more and take some away.  She can do multiplication because she has memorized the tables, but she still isn't getting the reason WHY 3x3=9.  SO, now that they are prepping for 4th grade, they are starting division.  She cannot divide, she doesn't understand the WHY of multiplication (and yes, we have explained it numerous times in different ways).  But this problem is in EVERY CLASS.  She doesn't comprehend science (one that we thought her reading was the problem in) because she can't see all the parts.  So, from what the Spec Ed coordinator was saying is that a concept that takes an average student 1 week to learn, will take dd months to learn.  So, I don't know how much it would help her.  I mean, yes, she might learn everything that 3rd has to offer, but will we be faced with the same problem the next year?  


gammie
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 11:12 AM

I would put her into one on one teaching this summer to her up to her grade level. She just needs extra help, work with her everynight.

Start with kids games for the computer that teach reading, learning can be fun.

honeydewmommy
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 11:17 AM

Have you thought of pulling her and homeschooling for a little while till she catches up, they have online programs and you can now hire full time tutors to homeschool. I completly understand how you feel , and its possible she will feel awkward too, if she could even relate to the children in her class. 

But the homeschooling and Tutoring programs at home till she catches up thats an option I would def look into. Becuase if you push her and she isn't ready she will be more likely to fail than to succeed. 

thecoffeefairy
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 11:19 AM
Perhaps it's time to start looking at the big picture. What can she grasp? What future does she have in store for her. Considering her limitations, I would really start focusing on what she can learn and help her excell in it. Look into careers that she will be capable if doing. I know it's early but the more limits a person has, the harder they have to work. Holding her back with IEP is pointless though. They learn at their own pace regardless of the grade.


Quoting petie1104:




Quoting Anonymous:

For me it would depend on how far behind she is and if having her repaet third grade would do her any good. Good luck with your decisions. I know it must be tough for you :(



Apparently, before she started recieving services, they thought her inability to read was causing most of her problems.  They are finding that this isn't the case.  She isn't able to think in abstract terms.  So, she can do addition and subtraction because she understands that you can have more and take some away.  She can do multiplication because she has memorized the tables, but she still isn't getting the reason WHY 3x3=9.  SO, now that they are prepping for 4th grade, they are starting division.  She cannot divide, she doesn't understand the WHY of multiplication (and yes, we have explained it numerous times in different ways).  But this problem is in EVERY CLASS.  She doesn't comprehend science (one that we thought her reading was the problem in) because she can't see all the parts.  So, from what the Spec Ed coordinator was saying is that a concept that takes an average student 1 week to learn, will take dd months to learn.  So, I don't know how much it would help her.  I mean, yes, she might learn everything that 3rd has to offer, but will we be faced with the same problem the next year?  



petie1104
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 11:39 AM


She's a dancer and a gymnast and she is AMAZING at those.  We encourage her heavily in those because (and yes this sounds awful) at the very least she could become an instructor.  We do not expect her to actually become a college graduate.  It sounds awful, but for me, it's easier to look at things as preparing for the worst, then everything she does to exceed those expectations is a win!

Quoting thecoffeefairy:

Perhaps it's time to start looking at the big picture. What can she grasp? What future does she have in store for her. Considering her limitations, I would really start focusing on what she can learn and help her excell in it. Look into careers that she will be capable if doing. I know it's early but the more limits a person has, the harder they have to work. Holding her back with IEP is pointless though. They learn at their own pace regardless of the grade.


Quoting petie1104:




Quoting Anonymous:

For me it would depend on how far behind she is and if having her repaet third grade would do her any good. Good luck with your decisions. I know it must be tough for you :(



Apparently, before she started recieving services, they thought her inability to read was causing most of her problems.  They are finding that this isn't the case.  She isn't able to think in abstract terms.  So, she can do addition and subtraction because she understands that you can have more and take some away.  She can do multiplication because she has memorized the tables, but she still isn't getting the reason WHY 3x3=9.  SO, now that they are prepping for 4th grade, they are starting division.  She cannot divide, she doesn't understand the WHY of multiplication (and yes, we have explained it numerous times in different ways).  But this problem is in EVERY CLASS.  She doesn't comprehend science (one that we thought her reading was the problem in) because she can't see all the parts.  So, from what the Spec Ed coordinator was saying is that a concept that takes an average student 1 week to learn, will take dd months to learn.  So, I don't know how much it would help her.  I mean, yes, she might learn everything that 3rd has to offer, but will we be faced with the same problem the next year?  





petie1104
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 11:44 AM



Quoting honeydewmommy:

Have you thought of pulling her and homeschooling for a little while till she catches up, they have online programs and you can now hire full time tutors to homeschool. I completly understand how you feel , and its possible she will feel awkward too, if she could even relate to the children in her class. 

But the homeschooling and Tutoring programs at home till she catches up thats an option I would def look into. Becuase if you push her and she isn't ready she will be more likely to fail than to succeed. 

I've tried.  I spent a summer trying to work with her and ended up pulling out my hair and we were both miserable.  The only program here to help her costs over $500 a month.  That is TOOO much for us to afford. I homeschooled the boys for a while, so it's not that I am not capable of homeschooling, but with her, she has such a hard time and there are only so many ways that I can teach her the sounds of digraphs before I have to accept that she isn't getting it, at least not the ways that I know how to present it.  There were days we were both crying, she thought she was failing, I thought I was failing and the boys thought we were insane for laying on the bed crying together.  Looking back, it was kind of sweet, we both felt horrible at the time, but it did bond us together.  But, I can't drag myself and her through that again. 


petie1104
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 11:46 AM
1 mom liked this



Quoting gammie:

I would put her into one on one teaching this summer to her up to her grade level. She just needs extra help, work with her everynight.

Start with kids games for the computer that teach reading, learning can be fun.

This is the one piece of good news.  When I talked to the spec ed coordinator I asked about summer programs.  She said currently there isn't one, but she's glad we are interested in one.  About an hour later she said she spoke to the principal and they are calling all the parents of kids they think would benefit to see how much interest there is.  HOPEFULLY, fingers crossed, they will have enough to start one. 


Lovingmommy1028
by Vanessa on Apr. 26, 2013 at 11:50 AM

BUMP!

Crazylife1994
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 11:51 AM

I personally wouldn't but I speak from experience.

 

My 17 yr old was the same way when she was younger. Full IEP and was always a little behind until 7th grade. We hirerd a tutor to work on her reading and she did a lot of afterschool tutoring. It took a lot of practice and a lot of hard work but in 7th grade it was like a the light completely turned on. She went from a 5th grade reading level at the beginning of the year to an 11th grade reading level by the end of the year.

She decided that she really wanted to push herself and started taking AP classes. Not only did she graduate at the head of her class she graduated 2 yrs early. She now attends Cornell on a full scholorship.

 

Sometimes I think letting them continue to grow and helping them succeed it the only way to help them. If she gets held back it very well could destroy everything she is and has been working for.

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