I haven't posted on here before. Still kind of new. I have alot on my mind and am confused and hurt and I guess I just need someone to listen and maybe give some advice.
I've been living with my boyfriend for about 3 1/2 years now with my daughter in his house. He had asked me to move in. He does well for himself and is much more financially secure than I am. I have been a single mom for about 10 years with no help from her father. That's a whole other story. Long story short, it hasn't been an easy road for me. I've been thru alot of struggles and hard times and life just seemed to continue to kick me when I was down. I met my current b/f and it seemed like for once, I found someone that really loved me. He used to talk about marriage, kids, etc in the beginning and then it stopped. He has a 16 yr old son from hell. He has been in constant rouble pretty much since about 6 months into our relationship. His "mother" is useless - doesn't care about her kids and uses them for a child support check to spend on herself, etc. Needless to say it has been chaotic at times to say the least. I have found that at times, it seems as though he comes down on my daughter a little harder and more frequently about things than he does his own son. It has been a point of contention in the past but it really came to a head this weekend.
It was something very simple, but it bothered me that he has said something to my daughter in the past about it and when I said something to him - not even his son - about it, he flipped. I pointed out, calmly, that i didn't agree with the double standard I feel there is and how he is quick to point out things with my kid, but not his own. This turned into an all out war. He started to yell and then took it to a personal level. In a nutshell, it was made very clear how it was "his" house, etc. There was much more that all centered around that, but you get the jist of it.
I feel like i've been kicked in the gut and am a mess of emotions right now that I can't figure out. I feel belittled, sad, hurt, numb. He tried to deminish what I contribute to the household. Mind you, I pay the cable/internet in full, split all of the utilities in half and buy all of the food. I also split the cost of things for in the house and cover all of the misicillanous needs. I clean the house, do the laundry and help out wheever I can. I make significantly less than him and wasn't the one that bought this house - he bought it with his ex-wife. I was not the one that asked to move in - he was the one that asked me to move in with him. I told him I never would have bought that house because I knew I could not afford it and he can't throw it in my face. He went on to say how he paid for the kitchen remoddel and the new siding/deck he is getting, etc and didnt ask me for money because he knew I didn;t have it at the time. To be honest, my thought is, you can't even make a fucking commitment to me after 3 1/2 years, you make me feel unwelcomed in what I hoped was our home, and then you would honestly think if I did have the money that I would invest it in what is clearly his house?
I don't know what to do. I've felt like a mess of emotions since then and don't know how to process them or feel. I feel uncomfortable and as if I do not belong there and have to walk around on eggshells to follow his rules or something. There is probably so much more to add to this, but I feel like I am all over the place. I just need someone to talk to and feel really alone right now.