Here's a little background info: we dated for 7 years and have been we married now 7 years and are currently 6 months pregnant with our second child. So its been close to 15 years weve known each other. We were intimate for the first two years but both agreed to be abstinent from then on until we were married. So that'll be 5 years we stayed abstinent until we were on our honeymoon. Wedding night was just too exhausting : ) now the first two years of marriage were good because we were enjoying ourselves then the mechanical feeling of sex began since we were trying to get pregnant with our first. Understandable, it takes the fun out of it.well we ended up going to the fertility doctor and got pregnant buy IUI ( intra uterine insemination). After a year our first was born I started to feel better about myself and wanted sex. Hubby wasn't having it. He feels uncomfortable because its not at easy for him to get it up anymore. Totally understandable. He tried a few different pills the docter gave him and he said didn't work. Ok. So up to this point last time we had sex was 1 yr and 1/2 ago. When we were initially trying fir baby # 1. Ok we're new parents, were trying to get into a groove, work may be stressful. Understandable if he's not up to it. I was ok then. Well, fast forward 4 years and still no intimacy with hubby. We did IVF for baby # 2 because he said why should we try having sex if we know its not going to work. In my head I'm thinking, to have a better bond with you, to get that reconnected feeling and just to enjoy each other on an intimate level. To me, I feel unwanted and not a woman. I wanted to at least try to feel better about myself that at least I tried to conceive and not just automatically go to the drs for help. I did tell this to him and he agreed but nothing happened physically. So to recap, it's been 5 years since we were last intimate. To be honest I have noticed sex it needed at some point during a relationship. You need that physical intimacy to just reconnect from the everyday stresses of work and daily life. Now this pregnancy has me having tons of sex dreams and I want to fulfill them. I've talked to him about my dreams and throws off the topic; I've got to get up early, I have a headache. Literally, at that second I felt like a guy wanting to have sex all the time. So last week I asked him why aren't we intimate at all? He says, " do i need to remind you it just doesn't work". I replied do you understand i feel unwanted. he quickly replied, "You are NOT wanted". i stopped talking and cried. my 3 year old sees me and says " mommy dont be sad, be happy". My heart melts. I am sympathetic and totally understand the uncomfortableness on his end but how so we handle this one???
I'm sorry for the long explanation : (
Just to add, we're still in our 30s but he's 5 1/2 yrs older than me. I didn't think the age gap made a difference but maybe since he's creeping up to the big 40 its affecting him more? To be honest, marriage sometimes takes work and when one of us is down the other is usually there to pick you right up. He's not this horrible person because we still hang out when we can and watch our tv shows we've DVRd, he's a great cook and likes to cook for me, although he leaves a huge mess but i cant complain because the food is so good. Everywhere else is fine it's just this particular area of our lives. Maybe this is just him and he's comfortable.